Skyping to Tokyo & Minor Robberies: A Peregrinating Response to Deb Olin Unferth

I started reading Deb Olin Unferth's Minor Robberies a few months ago, then my wife got robbed and I started a new job and got distracted by a string of other things. I hadn't been able to finish it until the other night at 1 a.m. when I was stuck waiting for the subway. There's a few stories about robbery and travel inconveniences in her book. It's a pretty little green book. It came in a fancy box with some other little books by Sarah Manguso and Dave Eggers. Unferth's book was the one I was really after. She is not a fuckup. Though I'd rather read how she is not a fuckup than watch this video about it. It's not so much that she writes about herself not being a fuckup (in the third person), or petty theft or about all the time you waste as a displaced tourist in Europe or South America, but it's more about how she writes. She's a good writer. My favorite story was the one about soap.

This started as a “flash” but I’m afraid it’s going to end up as a full-blown extended piece. Just like the one before this about Birthday Suicide. In case you are wondering what that’s all about: the flashes versus the ones deserving of a thumbnail. I think I used to call these reviews, but they are more like responses. I think I will even change that line to include “peregrinating responses” so that’s clear to people. I really didn’t intend to go on about this as I have plenty of other things to do, but now that I’ve started, I can’t very well stop. Sometimes I use blog writing as a way to procrastinate the real writing I intend to do. I think most bloggers do this. Just like when you read on the internet it’s usually something entirely different than what you intended to read. That’s why they call it surfing. Rather than read Sleepingfish submissions, or work on Marsupial, I am writing this peregrinating response to Minor Robberies. And now that I have given this it’s own page I no longer feel constrained. I can elaborate and say how it really made me feel. I have room to elaborate on things like my own personal robbery that I alluded to in the first sentence that distracted me in the first place from reading Minor Robberies. It wasn’t me that got robbed, it was Jessica. She called me from the Pax on 23rd and Park. She didn’t even have enough money for a subway to get home so I ran down there. I didn’t literally run, I took the subway. People just tend to say they are running somewhere, like an errand, even if they are not really running. It’s not just fiction writers that lie. People lie in everyday conversation.

I ran down there after I called all our credit card companies. On one of the calls, after I explained how my wife got robbed and that I need to cancel the card immediately, the operator on the other end asked me if I was interested in hearing about some sort of platinum rewards program they were offering to valued customers. Maybe it was a machine talking like a human, or maybe it was a human talking like a machine, I can’t tell the difference. I was just starting to get into Minor Robberies and had to put it down on our coffee table so I could cancel all of our credit cards and get on the subway. When I got off the subway at 23rd and Park, I looked around on the platform for someone with her bag, just in case the robber might be leaving while I was coming. You hear statistics about that. Or about how robbers tend to rifle through the bag looking for something in particular and throw away everything else. I looked in the trashcans and any places where a robber might discard a bag. It wasn’t a mochila. There’s a mochila in one of Deb Olin Unferth’s stories. I can understand why she included that word, I like it too. Even if Jess’s bag was a mochila, I’d probably call it a backpack because I tend to think in English in New York City.

When I got to the Pax on 23rd street, Jessica was sitting in the backseat of a cop car. She introduced the cops to me like they were old friends. She asked them if they had seen Superbad. Without looking up, the cop in the driver’s seat said something like, “fuck yah, three times.” He was Superbad literate. Jess was far from McLovin. She had no ID whatsoever. The thing that really sucked is our backup hard drive was in that bag. Every once in a while we copy all the information on our computers, our lives really, and take the backup drive somewhere else in case our apartment burns down. Aren’t humans strange? Whoever stole her bag has everything I’ve ever written, every photo we’ve ever taken, etc. Except for this and anything I’ve written in the past two months. Unless they found out about this blog and are checking to see if I wrote anything about them. You have to admit that it must be pretty interesting for them. Just finding a wallet or purse or camera can be really interesting, but stealing it takes it to a whole new level. But I think I’m safe to think that thieves are not interesting enough to be interested. “Grand larceny,” was the word the Superbad cops used. I’m not sure why I said that, I just like the term, grand larceny. The one thing that wasn’t in there was Jess’s passport, which was good considering she was going to Tanzania a few days after that. Our keys were in there so I had to change our locks. The only thing the robbers ended up doing was going straight to Victoria’s Secret and charging a few hundred bucks in underwear.

This all has nothing to do with Deb Olin Unferth, except she might appreciate this story. Characters in her stories have a tendency to get robbed. In one story, called A Kidnapping Story, which we actually published in the last Sleepingfish, a woman is getting kidnapped and they are trying to do bad things to her. But she never really lets anything happen, the story keeps starting over, in fits and starts, in the matter of just over a page. There’s something really interesting about that. It’s kind of like when you’re stuck on a good part in a dream and you don’t know how to proceed but it doesn’t matter because what’s happening in the moment is most interesting and you don’t want it to end, or you are stuck at that road of indecision where you suddenly realize the consequence of the smallest of choices. This happens a lot in Deb Olin Unferth’s stories, and it also applies to her word choices. I think she thinks long and hard about them. While I was first reading it, I put some post-it notes here and there in the book. I jotted down some random thoughts, though I’m not sure what I meant by them now. Here’s some of the things I scribbled on the post-it notes:

   Deb Olin Unferth is not a fuckup.
   I couldn’t write like Deb Olin Unferth if I tried.
   I suspect she is uncomfortable traveling. Maybe she was once robbed.
   I think she thinks.
   The dog got the raw end of the deal.
   Deb Olin Unferth says the darndest things.
   This is Deb Olin Unferth tossing a baton in a parade.

The dog post-it note reminded me that there was a story about a dog, but I don’t remember much about it besides liking it. Hence the post-it note to remind me. Some time after that Peter Markus stayed at our apartment, out on the couch. Jessica was in Tanzania by then. He was here for AWP actually, maybe you were here in town too, most writers were. He couldn’t sleep and saw Minor Robberies on the coffee table and read it, and probably saw these post-it notes in the book so must have been thinking, what the fuck was brother Derek thinking. Not brother Derek the over-hyped horse, but me. Why is that anything you write on a post-it note is incomprehensible to everyone except yourself? Peter Markus is a writer so maybe he understood them. He also said he liked the book, what he read of it. I don’t think he would mind that I said that about him.

Back to when I got around to reading the rest of it. I was at Pete’s Tavern last Friday night with Robert Lopez. I’m not sure what we were doing but it took us around six hours to eat dinner. That’s a quarter of a day. At some point Joe Salvatore met us there. We had already settled the bill, but we reopened it so he could eat something. There was also alcohol involved. What I remember most was the mirror over the urinal that lists all the heavyweight champions of the world and the years they reigned. I’d never seen it all laid out like that. Heavyweight champions are not what they used to be, who knows who they are now? I was surprised at Ali’s seven-year gap between reigns and the fact that Joe Louis reigned for 12 years. That’s really something. Joe Louis was finally ousted by Rocky Marciano. And the weird thing is that it ends up Rocky Marciano was Joe Salvatore’s father’s cousin. I hope he doesn’t mind that I said that about him. I wish I could say I was held by Rocky Marciano as a baby. But for all I know, Joe Salvatore was lying. He is a fiction writer after all. Never trust a fiction writer.

I diverge. I suspect Deb Olin Unferth is not a boxer or doesn’t like to watch boxing. I could be wrong. As I was writing that I realized that boxing is the same as putting something in a box, and not only that but they fight in a square box, but they call it a ring. Our language is strange. I’ve never talked to Deb Olin Unferth about boxing. We met her and Gary Lutz for dinner once, at the same time. Imagine that! Dining with two such fine writers at the same table. I picked some place in the west village and then proceeded to get lost finding the place that I had picked out. I was so worried about giving the right directions to her and Gary that I didn’t bother writing anything down for myself. I really fucked it up. Jessica called me frequently to tell me so which only made me get more lost. I could tell they were having a good time without me, though they said they were in danger of losing the table. It was in the neighborhood we used to live in and I still couldn’t find it. The more I tried to find it, the more lost I got. In all fairness, the first time I met Gary Lutz, we ran into him wandering the streets of Brooklyn and I’m pretty sure he was lost. We weren’t planning on meeting him and I don’t think he knew where he was going, but he didn’t seem too surprised or bothered running into us. We ended up going to some cheap Mexican restaurant and he had a chimichanga. I hope he doesn’t mind that I said that about him. People’s food choices are sometimes interesting. The night after Peter Markus read Minor Robberies, during AWP, we were getting some dinner at some random Irish Pub with Blake Butler and Blake ordered a heaping plate of Nachos. I’m sure he doesn’t mind that I said that about him. He probably already blogged about it. He blogged about drinking smoothies later that same evening, after we played poker at Rosie O’Grady’s. He even posted this video about it. Blake Butler can eat Nachos for dinner, he runs on a treadmill. I know that about him because he blogs about it. He reads while running on treadmills. That would make me sick. I can read on a stationary bike but I always forget to bring a book. I usually lift weights and stretch before, so I’d feel awkward and self-conscious carrying a book around in such an environment, even if it was a pretty green one like Minor Robberies. It’s no wonder Blake Butler gets so much reading done. If only I could learn to read on a treadmill. Problem is I run outside. I can read while I walk, but reading while running is a different story. I see a lot of blind people running in Central Park. That’s gotta be tough, and weird. Though to them it’s all they know so it’s not weird, and probably not tough either. It’s only tough and weird to us imagining what it’s like to be them. They usually are tethered to someone with the ability to see. Whenever we see a blind person running tethered to someone in Central Park, Jessica tells me that I should volunteer to do that. I probably nod and say yes, but I’d never research into it because I’m not really a charitable or compassionate person. I would be if it was convenient for me, like if you could find someone that ran at exactly my pace. But even still, it would be weird to be tethered to a blind person running. I think I’d feel like I needed to talk the whole time, to tell them what they were missing, though they probably wouldn’t care. And it would get tiring. But maybe I’ll try it to see what it’s like. Some day, just like some day I’ll bring a book on the treadmill.

Being that I’ve met Deb Olin Unferth, I feel awkward writing a “review” about her, even if this isn’t really a review, but a peregrinating response. How can I be trusted? I have a bad habit of being harsh on people I kind of know or like. I’m not sure why. Maybe I think that makes it sound more credible. I tend to believe cynical or critical people more, especially people that are self-deprecating and admit to their weaknesses. I’d vote for a president that admitted to all their fuckups. Fuckups are interesting. Writers are a strange lot. This is a strange activity we engage in, writing books and reviewing them, and then teaching other people how to do it. I’d heard Deb Olin Unferth read once before I met her, but that doesn’t mean I knew her, and still can’t say that for sure. I wasn’t sure what to think of her when I saw her read. I was confused by the story she was reading (the first story in Minor Robberies actually, the one where she’s in Peru with her boyfriend). I couldn’t tell if she was trying to be funny or if she was serious. Her sarcasm is deeper than anyone I know. To understand her sarcasm, you’d have to plunge down to her depths of sarcasm, which would probably be like running blind tethered to a bloodhound. She’s sarcastic about sarcasm which you think might negate to sincerity, but you’re not sure, so you’re somewhere in between, but it’s sincere nonetheless.

I didn’t get to the part where I actually finished her book. When I left Pete’s Tavern it was just after midnight. Robert and Joe had juice left in the tank and we’re off to someplace else, but I wanted to go home. If I was with Jessica I might have taken a taxi home, but taking a taxi by yourself is weird and decadent. Especially when you have an unlimited Metrocard. There were all sorts of freaks and junkies on the subway platform. I’ve never seen such a high concentration of junkies as Union Square. Union Square is a good name for it, because that’s what it is. People were nodding and drooling all over the place, always teetering on the brink of falling. Thankfully I remembered I had Minor Robberies in my bag. I also had a glass ball in my bag that Robert Lopez gave us as a gift in thanks for staying at our place back in November. I hope he doesn’t mind me saying that about him. I dropped it at Pete’s Tavern and almost broke it. The strap on my backpack is broken so I have to wear it with the left strap on the right shoulder, which is awkward and how I dropped the glass ball. I didn’t tell that to Robert and he probably just assumed I was irresponsible. It wasn’t my fault, it was the fault of the mochila. I read a few Minor Robberies in Union Square and finally got the L to 8th avenue and had to wait some more for a C, or an A to switch to the C or B, or an E to switch back to the C or A to switch back to the C or B. Usually all bets are off at 1 a.m. and everything runs local, but the A was running express so I had to get off at Columbus Circle and wait some more for the B or C. I suppose I could’ve walked, but I only had a few stories to go. It was more interesting than walking in the rain or watching the rats. In case you’re wondering, this isn’t how Deb Olin Unferth writes. As I scribbled on that post-it note, I couldn’t write like her if I tried. The important part in that statement are the last two words. That’s the whole point is that Deb Olin Unferth doesn’t try. She doesn’t need to. You might get the sense that she has been somewhere and came back. She’s like Picasso. She’s probably got all sorts of degrees and could be a professor, in fact she is a professor! She teaches at University of Kansas, where David Ohle teaches and sometimes Gary Lutz. That’s enough to make me want to go back and get an MFA. To learn to write like them. Deb Olin Unferth could probably write all sorts of highfalutin things, but she chooses to write stories about how she is not a fuckup. She doesn’t try to be weird or obscure or write with big words, though she probably knows plenty of big words. She just writes what comes natural to her. She’s like a cat that plays with it’s catch. She could easily kill it, but that wouldn’t be fun, would it?

As I was writing this last paragraph, Jessica skyped me from Tokyo. She’s been in Vietnam and is traveling home via Tokyo and Detroit. She has a 9-hour layover in Tokyo. She doesn’t really have enough time to leave the airport. She has a heavy bag. At first we were text skyping. Then we tried video skyping, but I could only see her and she could only hear me, which is a strange experience if you’ve never tried it. Probably close to running blind tethered to someone. So she had to type and probably felt self-conscious that I could see her. She walked around the terminal so I could see the Tokyo airport. I’ve never been to Tokyo whatsoever so this is all I have to go by. She showed me a sign that said, “you are here.” Here, I took a picture of it as proof.

I couldn’t figure out how to record video from skype, otherwise I might have done that. But I’ll tell you what, here’s the skype log, or excerpts from it. At times the conversation is one-sided , when I’m talking and she’s writing, and sometimes she could see me and sometimes she couldn’t. Now that I saved our skype log, I see that it’s 26 pages long! It’s funny how much communication is never recorded. It actually starts from yesterday morning (3-09) when she was in Vietnam. I obviously won’t put it all up, but here’s the highlights. The time is NY time, but it doesn’t really matter since there’s a twelve hour difference. So good morning for her was good evening for me.

008-03-09
Jessica : 08:44:47 good morning bayor.
Derek: 08:45:09 biongiorno!!
Derek: 08:45:18 how was your day?
Jessica : 08:45:28 it was nice. relaxing.
Jessica : 08:45:34 i am getting ready to comee home.
Jessica : 08:45:37 packing and stuff.
Derek: 08:45:59 i'm a cat
Derek: 08:46:02 waiting by the door
Derek: 08:46:04 to sniff you up
Jessica : 08:46:09 oh.
Derek: 08:46:30 soak up the sun
Derek: 08:46:39 while you can
Jessica : 08:47:41 yeah. put i dont want to be a raisin
Jessica : 08:47:46 in the sun.
Jessica : 08:47:50 neither did sydney
Derek: 08:47:59 you can be a raison de etre

[LATER THAT EVENING]

Derek: 09:13:36 what time is it?
Derek: 09:13:38 confused
Derek: 09:13:48 this is weird
Derek: 09:13:53 you are in my dreams
Derek: 09:13:58 and I'm in yours
Derek: 09:14:29 Orlando, what are your dreams?
Jessica : 09:14:40 sad.
Derek: 09:14:41 I don't think you are getting my messages
Jessica : 09:14:42 dreams.
Jessica : 09:14:44 I
Jessica : 09:14:47 I'm sad.
Jessica : 09:14:50 i am.
Jessica : 09:14:52 giz.
Jessica : 09:14:55 you type too fast for cub.
Derek: 09:15:04 its the lag
Derek: 09:15:10 sleep tight
Jessica : 09:15:39 :*
Derek: 09:15:48 aw, smoochy lips
Jessica : 09:15:51 (h)
Derek: 09:16:00 throbbing heart
Jessica : 09:16:05 that's right.
Derek: 09:16:15 yo are my heart throb
Jessica : 09:16:17 (inlove)
Derek: 09:16:22 confused?
Derek: 09:16:25 love head?
Jessica : 09:16:37 that is that one.
Derek: 09:16:54 why is the heart always associated with love?
Derek: 09:17:03 it is an organ that pumps blood
Jessica : 09:17:05 not sure. strange right?
Jessica : 09:17:12 to your loins.
Derek: 09:17:15 maybe because the brain is too blobby
Derek: 09:17:22 i brain you
Derek: 09:17:29 i sniff you
Derek: 09:17:37 it should be the nose

[NEXT MORNING]

Jessica : 21:03:47 good morning bayor!
Derek: 21:04:06 good evening!
Jessica : 21:04:37 i am going to go down and get a hearty breakfast.
Derek: 21:04:40 slept in
Jessica : 21:05:08 bayors sleep a lot.
Jessica : 21:05:53 hey bayor?
Derek: 21:05:57 cub?
Jessica : 21:06:27 shall we do taxes next weekend? and I can help you? or should we wait until the last weekend in case we have to pay...
Jessica : 21:06:47 if so, I will put into my date book.
Derek: 21:06:53 we need to do it
Derek: 21:06:56 get it over with
Jessica : 21:07:01 yeah. i can help you.
Jessica : 21:07:07 we will do it togethere.
Derek: 21:07:08 we'll make it fun
Derek: 21:07:09 itemizing
Derek: 21:07:13 laying stuff all over
Jessica : 21:07:15 maybe we can find a way to hold hands while we do it.
Derek: 21:07:17 hopefully it will be raining
Jessica : 21:07:22 yeah.
Jessica : 21:07:27 doing things togethere is more fun.
Derek: 21:07:31 maybe we can do it in the natural history museum
Derek: 21:07:41 in the north amerian mammal hall
Derek: 21:07:49 thats where we belong
Jessica : 21:07:51 that would be fun. but incovenient.
Jessica : 21:08:05 what if we didn't bring all hte necessary paperwork?
Derek: 21:08:08 just sneak into a diorama
Derek: 21:08:10 with teh bayors
Jessica : 21:08:24 dad said he wateched some movie the other night
Jessica : 21:08:30 called night museum with ben stiller
Derek: 21:08:37 bastard
Jessica : 21:08:38 it takes place at NY natural history museum
Jessica : 21:08:44 and EVERYTHING comes to life.
Derek: 21:08:46 fucking ben stiller
Jessica : 21:08:47 all te dioramas...
Derek: 21:08:56 god damn it
Derek: 21:08:59 they stole my idea
Jessica : 21:09:02 what?
Jessica : 21:09:06 what are you upset about?
Jessica : 21:09:11 oh.
Derek: 21:09:14 that was mine
Jessica : 21:09:19 oh.
Derek: 21:09:24 the museum is mine
Derek: 21:09:24 our territory
Jessica : 21:10:00 sorry bayor.



[JUST NOW, FROM TOKYO AIRPORT]

2008-03-10
Derek: 20:29:24 ohayo gazaymas!
Jessica : 20:29:40 ah sweet.
Jessica : 20:29:43 i just emailed you!!
Derek: 20:29:51 i konw
Derek: 20:29:54 my computer crashed
Jessica : 20:29:58 i am sitting in some public lounge in tokyo.
Derek: 20:31:41 only a few more hours
Jessica : 20:32:16 yeah. my plane leaves at 2:00.
Jessica : 20:32:29 i met a very nice older gentleman who was visiting his friend in hanoi.
Jessica : 20:32:35 he is a farmer in virginia!!
Jessica : 20:32:45 his wife teaches disabled children.
Jessica : 20:32:47 very nice.
Jessica : 20:33:04 we are sitting in the lounge together. he is laying on a lounge thingey. sleeping.
Derek: 20:33:04 youre nice
Jessica : 20:33:06 he is old.
Derek: 20:33:09 2:00?
Derek: 20:33:12 oh
Jessica : 20:33:15 these trips are tough on old people.
Derek: 20:33:21 i bet
Jessica : 20:33:26 yes, my boarding time is around 2.
Jessica : 20:33:30 flight leaves 2:40.
Jessica : 20:33:44 but get into detroit at 2.
Derek: 20:33:45 poor cb
Jessica : 20:33:49 leave for detroit at 3.
Jessica : 20:33:53 get into NY around 5 pm.
Jessica : 20:34:00 stinks.
Derek: 20:34:05 unbelieable
Jessica : 20:34:08 and my bag is heavy.
Derek: 20:34:14 oh
Jessica : 20:34:19 hard to walk around the airport and explore...
Derek: 20:34:19 heavy with what?
Jessica : 20:34:24 books and gifts.
Derek: 20:34:38 that sucks
Jessica : 20:34:40 and my computer.
Derek: 20:34:44 no lockers?
Jessica : 20:34:49 not really.
Derek: 20:34:57 or are all the instructions in japanese
Jessica : 20:34:58 i am going to try to get food around 11:30ish.
Derek: 20:35:04 and you can't tellwhat's what
Jessica : 20:35:07 some sushi.
Jessica : 20:35:14 no, there are english signs.
Jessica : 20:35:16 japan is cool.
Jessica : 20:35:22 everything is perfect, and orderly.
Jessica : 20:35:26 and everyone is really nice.
Jessica : 20:35:37 polite, courteous, and kind.
Jessica : 20:35:46 i want to come back here and explore!!
Derek: 20:36:17 coe home first
Jessica : 20:36:19 oh.
Jessica : 20:36:24 okay.
Derek: 20:36:35 shall we skype?
Jessica : 20:36:41 maybe we should quit our jobs and just travel for 6 months.
Derek: 20:36:45 or will you be too embarrassed?
Jessica : 20:36:46 skype whayor?
Jessica : 20:36:53 we are skyping nitwit.
Derek: 20:36:55 video skype!
Jessica : 20:36:57 confyozed.
Jessica : 20:36:59 oh.
Jessica : 20:37:14 well, there are people sleeping down heyor.
Derek: 20:37:20 so i can see what tokyo airport looks like
Derek: 20:37:21 oh
Jessica : 20:37:29 we could stare at each other and just im
Derek: 20:37:30 i'll just watch
Jessica : 20:37:39 my camera is packed away.
Jessica : 20:37:41 hold on.
Derek: 20:37:45 yah can we?
Jessica : 20:37:54 hold on please.
Derek: 20:38:01 ok thankyou
Jessica : 20:38:31 but you aren't seeing the cool upstairs.
Jessica : 20:39:27 i am trying to call you
Jessica : 20:40:28 i can't see you!
Derek: 20:40:41 i can see you
Derek: 20:40:44 you are really fucking cute
Jessica : 20:40:47 go into options
Jessica : 20:40:51 i mean tools
Derek: 20:41:00 and do what?
Derek: 20:43:37 confused
Derek: 20:43:43 i can see you
Derek: 20:43:45 you're cute
Jessica : 20:43:53 okay. I am going to walk around with it.
Derek: 20:44:14 my green light isn't on
Jessica : 20:45:52 did u see?
Derek: 20:45:58 yah, you are here!
Derek: 20:46:08 still tring to figure out why my video isnt going
Derek: 20:46:13 but you don't need to see me
Derek: 20:46:41 you are all pixelationed and japanimated
Jessica : 20:47:00 hearing wyod noises.
Jessica : 20:47:06 it is very quiet down heyor.
Derek: 20:47:07 what kidn
Jessica : 20:47:11 you arent missing much
Derek: 20:47:13 it looks quiet
Derek: 20:47:18 who's the beaut sleeping
Jessica : 20:47:24 yeah, very hence why i don't want to talk.
Derek: 20:47:24 you are very handsome
Jessica : 20:47:27 john the farmer.
Derek: 20:47:33 that's the farmer?
Derek: 20:47:39 he needs some rest
Derek: 20:47:43 poor fella
Jessica : 20:47:45 yeah. he does.
Jessica : 20:47:51 interesting talking to him though.
Jessica : 20:47:53 cool life.
Derek: 20:47:57 is he going to detroit?
Jessica : 20:48:07 he is a produce guy - grows cilantro, basil, squash,
Jessica : 20:48:21 yeah, same flight as me but then to virginia.
Jessica : 20:48:36 he was asking me all about the farming in the MVs.
Derek: 20:48:39 is that fake wood paneling behind you
Jessica : 20:48:55 no i think is is real wood
Derek: 20:49:02 they go all out
Jessica : 20:49:09 it is very nice.
Jessica : 20:49:15 i just want to come home though.
Derek: 20:49:16 looks like you need to wash your hair
Jessica : 20:49:24 bayor.
Derek: 20:49:25 sad
Derek: 20:49:35 can you hear me at least?
Jessica : 20:49:35 sad.
Jessica : 20:49:39 no.
Jessica : 20:49:41 i have it on mute.
Derek: 20:49:43 where's your headset
Derek: 20:49:55 i saw your lips move
Derek: 20:50:05 uh-oh
Derek: 20:50:10 busting out the headphones
Derek: 20:50:16 so then you can hear me and i can see you
Derek: 20:50:28 you'll have to do sign language
Derek: 20:50:51 i can't hear you
Jessica : 20:50:55 oh.
Derek: 20:50:58 can you hear me
Jessica : 20:51:01 yes
Derek: 20:51:20 you need to do sign language
Jessica : 20:51:26 okay
Jessica : 20:51:49 as in to eat?
Jessica : 20:51:53 or chickens.
Jessica : 20:51:58 i like them a lot.
Jessica : 20:52:03 i also want a water buffalo.
Jessica : 20:52:11 goats and water buffalo
Jessica : 20:52:14 shoats
Jessica : 20:52:23 the things that plow the rice patties.
Jessica : 20:52:35 yeah!
Jessica : 20:52:37 yeah!
Jessica : 20:53:00 i like that song by radiohead "videotape
Jessica : 20:53:17 yeah
Derek: 20:53:30 i'm dancing but you can't see me
Derek: 20:53:33 let me see you dance
Jessica : 20:53:59 sounds cool
Jessica : 20:54:03 where are they from?
Derek: 20:54:06 UK
Derek: 20:54:11 and you must be the USA!
Jessica : 20:54:18 hee hee
Jessica : 20:54:30 (emo)
Derek: 20:54:34 uh-oh
Derek: 20:54:37 emo
Jessica : 20:54:53 no!
Jessica : 20:55:02 i am letting mine grow too. my hair is so gross.
Jessica : 20:55:04 yeah. a lot.
Jessica : 20:55:12 pho
Jessica : 20:55:16 for breakfast.
Jessica : 20:55:28 rice noodles in beef broth, with cilantro, hot peppers
Jessica : 20:55:37 i haven't eaten yet. i am hungry.
Jessica : 20:55:40 i am going to have sushi.
Jessica : 20:55:57 what did you think of my proposal?
Jessica : 20:56:05 no!
Jessica : 20:56:10 leaving in September
Jessica : 20:56:19 and traveling for six months.
Jessica : 20:56:24 like a hunting mission.
Jessica : 20:56:36 like when we drove across the country and settled in savannah.
Jessica : 20:57:03 this time, we can go to japan and SEA, then to NZ, head to europe - italy
Jessica : 20:57:08 and finish off in mexico.
Jessica : 20:57:17 maybe start in NZ.
Jessica : 20:57:20 then Japan.
Jessica : 20:57:29 then South East Asia/India
Jessica : 20:57:35 then Italy.
Jessica : 20:57:43 then finish off in Mexico.
Jessica : 20:57:48 Spend one month in each place.
Jessica : 20:58:00 how much do you think it would cost?
Jessica : 20:58:06 yeah
Jessica : 20:58:13 cheap.
Jessica : 20:58:28 and you were staying in hostels correct?
Jessica : 20:58:39 we could stay in budget places but not hostels.
Jessica : 20:58:54 we could walk a lot.
Derek: 20:58:57 i wish we could switch places
Derek: 20:59:01 and you talk and watch me
Jessica : 20:59:02 i only want to go to places that have good food.
Derek: 20:59:07 because I'm in our home
Jessica : 20:59:09 i can't hear you at all.
Jessica : 20:59:15 oh.
Derek: 20:59:20 what will the neighbors think?
Jessica : 20:59:25 so what did olga say?
Derek: 20:59:30 i guess that's what it sounds like to them when someones on the phone
Jessica : 20:59:31 can we do month to month?
Derek: 20:59:38 oh, that's something I should type
Jessica : 20:59:42 can we do month to month
Derek: 20:59:42 in case she's listening
Jessica : 20:59:45 oh.
Derek: 20:59:46 we'll have to talk to her
Jessica : 20:59:56 yeah.
Jessica : 21:00:12 we can use our tax money towards our trip.
Jessica : 21:00:21 oh
Jessica : 21:00:24 yeah!
Jessica : 21:00:45 no.
Jessica : 21:00:51 i am sitting by myself.
Jessica : 21:00:53 no
Jessica : 21:00:56 giz
Derek: 21:01:16 i want to watch you eat the sushi!
Jessica : 21:01:31 i want to see you!
Jessica : 21:01:37 fix your video nitwit.
Derek: 21:01:39 should we hang up and try again?
Jessica : 21:01:46 yeah.
Derek: 21:01:50 maybe this time the roles will be reversed
Jessica : 21:01:57 you call me.
Jessica : 21:02:04 i heard about spitzer...
Derek: 21:06:16 he's a beaut
Derek: 21:06:18 yes
Derek: 21:06:24 quit picking your nose
Jessica : 21:06:49 i have a long flight still.
Derek: 21:06:51 go eat some sushi and not pay
Jessica : 21:06:52 yuck.
Derek: 21:07:01 you should upgrade to first
Jessica : 21:07:01 i have a long flight.
Jessica : 21:07:01 sad.
Derek: 21:07:08 don't you have miles?
Jessica : 21:07:09 can't with the type of ticket I have.
Derek: 21:07:14 oh. sorry.
Jessica : 21:07:21 i am in class "v" which is non upgradeable.
Jessica : 21:07:27 donald wheat stinks.
Derek: 21:07:32 biodegradable?
Jessica : 21:07:36 we have lots of miles.
Derek: 21:07:42 dork
Jessica : 21:07:42 i think i have close to 200,000.
Jessica : 21:07:50 which can be used to buy two tickets.
Derek: 21:07:52 can you sell them
Jessica : 21:07:57 yeah.
Jessica : 21:08:09 i can use them to buy two tickets.
Derek: 21:08:15 to paradise?
Jessica : 21:08:54 i got you another gift.
Jessica : 21:09:03 you are going to like it a lot.
Jessica : 21:09:06 it is cyot.
Jessica : 21:09:12 vegetable.
Jessica : 21:09:19 yeah
Jessica : 21:09:22 no
Jessica : 21:09:32 yeah
Jessica : 21:09:38 wood
Jessica : 21:09:44 yeah
Jessica : 21:09:52 white, blue, green, red and yellow
Jessica : 21:10:09 ?
Derek: 21:10:13 anklung
Derek: 21:10:21 like the kid from arrested development
Jessica : 21:10:29 oh. no
Jessica : 21:10:38 i don't think so.
Jessica : 21:10:40 it has horns.
Derek: 21:10:42 can you smoke it?
Jessica : 21:10:42 and a bell.
Derek: 21:10:46 oh
Jessica : 21:10:49 and its head moves.
Jessica : 21:10:56 and a bird on its back.
Derek: 21:11:01 VISHNU!
Jessica : 21:11:04 no
Derek: 21:11:06 i mean NANDI!
Jessica : 21:11:10 wrong country
Derek: 21:11:14 oh wait, is vietnam buddhist?
Jessica : 21:11:14 huh?
Jessica : 21:11:20 yesum
Jessica : 21:11:30 and confusian
Derek: 21:11:34 buddha devil?
Jessica : 21:11:37 no
Jessica : 21:11:43 you will just have to wait until tomorrow...
Derek: 21:11:48 sad
Jessica : 21:12:02 i love you bayor.
Jessica : 21:13:14 i am going to go to the bathroom now.
Jessica : 21:13:26 come one bayor
Jessica : 21:13:33 i am going to go now.
Jessica : 21:14:20 there is a police guy
Jessica : 21:14:30 hold on
Jessica : 21:14:52 he is mosying around and staring at the tv
Derek: 21:14:55 i like when you walk with it
Derek: 21:15:02 it looks like the smashing pumpkins video
Derek: 21:15:04 1979
Derek: 21:15:36 okay put your face in it now