Stool sample reveils a calf-birthing secret agent cooking up crawdad jumble-liar w/snake charm


14 April 2019> Walked the Potomac Heritage trail (Arlington side) + binge-watched GoT since we got HBO, refreshing our memary (like probly the rest of Amerika) before the season 8 premiere tonight. In dream life we're up to 1996:

January 9, 1996 — Tucson

I was a "wharf master", I was in charge of the ships going in and out of the harbor, logged them in and logged them out and settled disputes between bickering boatmen. There was supposed to be a storm that covered the whole planet and I couldn't get over that concept, how was it possible?

January 10, 96 — Tucson

I had 2 dreams where I came across famous bands that were playing and nobody was watching them. The first was Santana and I don't remember it too much. The next dream I was in Ajijic and the Police were playing at the pier at La Posada. There was not a single other person watching. I went up and sat down right next to the microphone. Sting looked at me and nodded and I said— "this is weird, last time I saw you guys was at the Oakland Coliseum and there was 12,000 people". Stings wife was a roadie/P.R. person. She asked me what I wanted to hear and I said 'Walking on the Moon'. Sting said 'hmmphh'. And I said—"that's always been my favorite song of yours". Sting looked really old, he had pink rimmed eyelids with no eyelashes and his ears were all deteriorating. The place kind of turned into a small bar and Sting got into this cage and sang "So Lonely", and was acting it out, acting pathetic and sad and darting pity looks at his wife. Then I was walking down the street and was writing graffiti on the walls. Some guy I was with kept drawing pictures of dicks and immature stuff, turning everything I was writing into something perverse.

Jan. 16, 1996 — Tucson

I had this disturbing dream that I had to get a drug test. It consisted of getting a "stool sample". They gave me this little test tube thing that was way too tiny to fit a turd in. I was confused and kept asking Jess [bedder-½ now] and the nurse to make sure they didn't mean urine sample or something. The test tube was this contraption that you had to squeeze and roll the turd down the tube and through a strainer and then release all these chemicals into it, very complicated. It became a reoccurring dream that lasted all night, basically consisting of me waiting in the waiting room, not willing to shit in this test tube. And the nurses were waiting, and I was waiting and contemplating the situation.

Jan. 28, 1996 — Tucson

I was with a few people and this guy was giving out presents. They seemed like presents he got at a garage sale, white trash type of stuff. He handed out this one wood-carving/painting of a blank blue sky surrounded by trees. I had déjà vu looking at it. It seemed like something I would have done. I looked at the signature and it was mine—"Derek White 1974". I couldn't believe it. I was asking people whether that was just really weird or what and they didn't think it was a big deal. Somehow this thing had been circulating through the garage sale circuit.

The guy giving them out ended up to be a cousin I never heard about. He was saying— "I've been working out of the Geotemps in L.A., if you had ever asked Terri [old employer] you would have found out." Another present he gave was a clock to Shirley [stepmom]. She wasn't too excited about it until she found out it didn't work. I also recognized this as something she already had.

February 9, 1996 — Patagonia, Arizona

I was looking at a map of the Nile River. It started at the Red Sea and cruised through Africa. The map became a topographic map, showing the relief, and by the time I followed it to "Victoria" I was there. It got bigger and bigger to real life aerial. It was a deep cut canyon, cut in steps, and brilliant colors. I looked closely and it was painted. I was thinking that the Brits were really cheesy to do that. There was no water in the river. I followed the jagged canyon down into this museum and there was all sorts of beautiful relics I saw, ones that I'd seen before in earlier dreams of the night.

I was walking along this river with Kevin [Ulysses in our book now]. We needed to get across. It seemed like a stream, but as we got closer it was a raging river. I was going along the bank to try to find a place to cross. The banks were crumbling sulfur deposits, very unstable. It was like there was hot springs there. Then a huge wave formed and was coming towards us. Kevin yelled, surprised that there was waves. I said "there was tides". We scrambled up the bank to avoid the wave, but the banks kept crumbling away and we were washed in. I kept clambering to get out. Then I was in a panic. We decided the best thing to do was just swim. Kevin started swimming. I found this fence and swam towards it. It looked like a barbed wire fence but as I approached I saw it wasn't. I grabbed onto it and pulled myself along until I got out. It was then I remembered that I had been to this spot. I was there with mom when I was really small, and the raging river was just a little stream. We had a mellow picnic and swam in the hot tubs and stream.

February 16, 1996 — Tucson

I was having sex with Jess. We were in this bed in this house. There was a pole attached to the bed that connected up to the ceiling and out of the roof like a large antennae. On the "flag pole" there was a streamer of white flagging. The flagging led to this string attached to a balloon. I was removed from my body and it was like I was a child observer and I was asked to cut the string when we were about to orgasm. I asked myself how I would know and I said I would yell out. So I was up on a hill overlooking the house and the flagging was bouncing up and down, the whole house was bouncing up and down. There was another house up on the hill and the people started noticing what was going on. They sent Jesus [physics colleague/friend, not the religious figure] out of the house. He started following the thread and I feared he would follow it into the house so I went to tear the thread. But Jesus had a pair of scissors and cut it before I got there. The balloon floated up a little bit, then started to sink. But I ran and was kicking it before it hit the ground, keeping it aloft. Then there was all these international soccer players and we were playing hacky sack with the balloon, keeping it aloft. It was really easy, like gravity had been turned down.

In the park where we were playing hacky sack with the orgasm balloon there was also a pair of rednecks that were about to beat up this Chinese guy. They had advertised to play this game and the Chinese guy showed up but they didn't like him and couldn't just tell him to leave. There was also a "lab club", this group of guys that had black Labrador retrievers. They got together in the park so there dogs could play and while the dogs played they hugged eachother. I was walking around the park trying to invent my own game. I had a roll of flagging and was defining the limits of the field even though I didn't know what the game was. I was defining the field around a well, and was thinking it would be some sort of game with a frisbee where you had to get the frisbee in the well in the middle.

February 24, 1996 — Tucson (Yavapai st.)

Jess and I were in this bedroom and there was a glass window looking onto this den. I saw what looked like a badger in the den and wasn't showing it to Jess. It ended up it was a Scottish terrier. The terrier and another large dog came bounding into our bed. Ended up that they belonged to this woman that was walking them on a distance field. Then we heard a bear. At first we were concerned about the bear attacking the dogs, but it went barreling for the woman. They became a rolling ball of terror like the Tasmanian devil. I tried to push Jess inside the door so I could grab a bat and run over and do something about it, but she ran over, hysterical, and starting beating on the bear with a wiffle bat. I grabbed the wiffle bat from her and told her to go inside. Then I started wailing on the bear's back with the wiffle bar but he wouldn't let go. He was slumped over locked onto the woman like a boa constrictor. I ran over to grab a more solid bat. Then I started pummeling the bear with all my might and each blow loosened his grip. Eventually he shriveled up leaving the woman who was just a shriveled up doll. I picked up the doll and took it inside. Jess and I were wondering what to do with it. First we were going to just put her on the couch until she came to, then we realized that we had all these extra beds in our house. We found one that had satin sheets and a dozen roses and had a tray with breakfast on it. We put the doll in it and waited for it to come to and grow back to normal.

March 8, 1996 — Tucson (Wild Horse Ranch)

I was walking around with David [older brother] and Jess and we went into this little shop. I was browsing around and I kept knocking stuff over. There were delicate stairwells and slippery steps with cushions on them. Every time I knocked something over the attendants would act annoyed and quickly put it back. I was thinking it was a sales tactic, to make you buy something because you feel like an idiot. My job involved walking all day, sometimes delicately around cholla and cactus, so I knew it wasn't me that was a clutz. I was confident in my ability to walk. Finally I just tip-toed out of the store saying — "this store is for old ladies".

Out on the street I saw Jess across some tracks in the middle of the road. She had both arms full of groceries and glasses that were slipping off her nose. She slipped and dropped the groceries and was just laying there. Her boob was hanging out of her dress. As I approached, she said — "Derek, I need to go to the hospital. My colon has been getting really warm. When I was 19, Dr. Li came to my house at 4 in the morning and waited for 2 hours when I was sick. He waited for 2 hours." I said "you're twisted. You're more obsessed with having Dr. Li wait on you than you are with being sick. It's psychosomatic." I helped her up and carried her in my arms. Her boob was still sticking out of her dress so I gave it a little suck. It was a hard thing for me to say, but she agreed.

March 10, 1996 — Tucson (Wild Horse Ranch)

Another dream about dreaming, but this time I was watching myself dream and sleep and then I had this bad feeling that someone was in the room with me. I heard noises and was thinking that I was dreaming about it because in real life somebody was in my room and I was incorporating it. I tried hard to slowly lift my head to look but it was like lead. I felt the person come up behind me and slowly pull the covers off the bed. Then they were pulling me off the bed. I tried hard to wake up but I was like a bag of sand. Finally I woke with a start swinging at the culprit. I was quiet and then turned on the light. There was nobody in the room.

April 6, 1996 — Las Vegas

I was at a casino with Jess and I saw Thierry Verrier. We double-taked and approached eachother. I said— "Thierry? I can't believe it's you. I just had a dream the other night that I ran into you. It's like the third dream since I left France that I ran into you."

Then I saw, well this is hard to explain, but it was the old Jess. I was confused. I was with 'new Jess' and it was awkward. I turned to Jess and said— "Jessica, meet . . . Jessica." I hesitated because I wasn't sure about her name. I was starting to feel flushed and uncomfortable. I was wearing a suit and it was stuffy. We were making small talk, me and the two Jess's, jealous of eachother. And I wanted to visit with Thierry, but was distracted. Finally we broke away. Jess was all— "I know her from somewhere".

"I'm sure you do. She used to have long hair and hung out on the mall." As we were leaving, Harold was out on the street fixing his dune buggy. A bunch of his friends were hanging out watching. Jess stopped to hang out and help him, too. I was impatient. I was still trying to make sense of how Jessica could have met Jessica.

April 20. 1996 — Lac De Gras, Northwest Territories [Canada]

Jess was renting out 9000 S.W. Caroline drive [childhood home in Portland] and I went along to show it to her. I was peaking about at all the rooms for nostalgic sake. It was actually the house in Guadalajara. The tile was different, amongst other things, but it still triggered memories. The house was in disrepair. Dad and Shirley were living there. They weren't married, at least from the impression that I got, but Shirley was just taking care of him. He didn't speak at all. I still had wires with me so I started winding them up around my hat, singing an obnoxious song. David and Jeff showed up too. I asked Jess when she had to be back in Tucson and it wasn't until the following Saturday so we speculated about all the different round-about ways we could take home. Then we were at this fair and there was these bodybuilders having a contest. A pair from Edmonton, a pair from Yellowknife and a pair from "Rickets" (I know of no town of the sort). I decided to help out the team from Rickets. I carried both the guys on my shoulder and lifted them onto this stage where all they had to do was one get on the other's shoulders and stand up up on a chair. The team from Rickets won. There was drunk people everywhere and I couldn't find Jess or David and Jeff.

April 22, 1996 — Lac De Gras, Northwest Territories

I was in New York watching King Kong terrorize the streets. He had the blonde maiden in distress in his hand that looked like Madonna. His huge penis came out that was about twice as big as her. It rubbed against her but obviously couldn't penetrate her. He splooged buckets all over this red sports car. (This wasn't a wet dream!) Then for us bystanders watching this some harnesses came down out of the sky and these friendly cops instructed us to strap ourselves in so we wouldn't crowd the sidewalks. I got into the harness and a rope pulled me off the ground.

Then we were playing red rover, red rover. It was me and some guy versus like 20 people. He caught it and I was blocking for him like it was a punt return. I blocked for him but it didn't help. He made it all the way anyway. Danny (the fast ultimate player) was chasing him and I was chasing Danny to block him. Then the guy got in Danny's sports car. We played again with sports cars. This guy throttled Danny's car until it caught on fire. We were all frantic, looking for a fire extinguisher. The car burned to the shell, and they stole the shell of another car that had umbrellas on it. They hid it under the shell of another car. I admired them for taking advantage of the situation so quickly, but I wanted nothing to do with it. It was still stealing. Somewhere in the dream I was also playing basketball with this black guy that was twice as tall as me and I was mixing raspberry Italian creme sodas at this restaurant.

August 20, 1996 — Tucson

I dreamt that I went to see Annika [niece] when she was a few years older. She was huge, like almost 6 feet tall, even though she was only a few years old. At first I was like "oh, she's going to be beautiful, tall." But then realized she was an ogre, a giant. She was deformed she was so big. It was a sticky situation, acknowledging her giantism, but not hurting David's feelings.

June 26, 1996 — Tucson

I was hiking along when suddenly I discovered an upper extension of Fort Lowell road. I had the Trooper and started to go down to see if the upper extension connected with the lower. I lost patience and wanted to find out where the road went to. Turned around and went up a gnarly jeep trail. It was really close to Esperero spires. I was excited that I had found a close approach. I kept following the road and it dead-ended suddenly on the side of a colorful "badlands" type of hill. I got out and walked. There was a prospect there, a cave in the side of the hill. Didn't go to far. I saw a large Mexican church. Walked towards it and came across an abandoned miners shack. Snooped around inside and found the pieces to a large arrowhead and a large piece of "cubic gold".

September 1, 1996 — Tucson

I was on a boat with a bunch of people. Each person knew how to row in a particular way. Backwards, forwards, right-handed, left-handed, etc. and the goal was to arrange everyone in such a way as to maximize performance. I didn't want to even get involved so I went to the video store to return a video.

September 4, 1996 – Tucson

I was with Jess in a large house in India. There was a Cobra spotted nearby and all the locals freaked out and left. I was thinking it couldn't be that bad, that you just had to keep your eye out for it, but this guy was warning me that they weren't like rattlesnakes. That they want to bite you, they'll hunt you down, and they can move faster than you can run. And they'll kill you. Kevin and Richard were also there. It was some sort of recovery house. But Richard and Kevin had somehow come across some chemical that, through a series of reactions, they could convert it into a drug that could get you high. [seeded " Enabling the Snake Charmer" in Poste Restante, w/ correosponding imedge:]

Exhibit C. Cleavage of FRET (Frangipani Resonance Energy Transfer)

September 11, 1996 — Tucson

This man, John Brady, was helping a cow give birth. He had her laid on this ledge right on the shore of the ocean. He was arranging these blow up balloons in the blowholes where tide water blew up. Arranging them so they were the first thing the new-born calf saw. He stressed the importance of what the calf first saw upon entering the world, and told us we could watch but we had stay behind in this dark corner. It was like a full on operation, he had the cow slit open from the throat to the anus. The cow was able to talk back. I wanted to know how large it's vocabulary was. I looked closer in wonder. He pulled this tube out of her throat and said, it will be a girl.
     "How is she able to talk?" —I asked.
      He pulled out another tub coming out of her larynx. "Out of here."
      The cow moaned and bitched like some soft-spoken, frail movie-star.
He watched as she thrusted, watched the calf's head start to emerge. But then the cow said, "it hurts too much."
      John Brady patched her up and said— "we'll do this later."
      I went off walking along the beach and saw a couple on horses. The guy came towards me. "Have you seen someone by the name of John Brady?"
      "Yah, he's up there giving birth a calf."

October 1, 1996 — Tucson

Kevin was in a band and they were playing their second concert. I missed the first one and I was stressed about getting to this one. It was at the Oakland Coliseum. I was on the freeway and it was crowded. Kevin's band was opening up for some rap band and there was gangster types everywhere. I finally got in and went to the front. The place was packed but nobody was standing in front. They all had seat, except me. I found some friends of his and went and stood in front of them. I came in right as a song was over and then there was a long silence, Kevin and two other people just standing there. I was curious to see what kind of music it would be. But it was silent and then they just left the stage. People started cheering. Some friend of Kevin's recognized me and started chanting "Derek! Derek!". I started to get nervous thinking what I would do if Kevin told me to come on stage and figured I would just say I hadn't touched a guitar for 5 years. But nothing ever happened, we all stood around waiting for music.

October 5, 1996 — Elko, Nevada

I was driving with Bruce in Santa Monica. We were trying to find a creek where there was a cave. We were making a turn and we saw a cop. Bruce asked him for directions. More traffic was coming, the cop was starting to give us directions but it was as if it was too complicated so he got into the trooper with us. His direction giving turned into interrogation. He asked me— "is this your car?"
     Bruce was trying to get my attention, to tell me to say no. He was intentionally diverting his eyes to a bag in the back seat. It was full of a white powder. But I stuck to the honesty is the best policy guns and told the cop it was my car. Bruce was freaking and the cop was playing off of this, trying to figure out why Bruce was freaking. The cop followed Bruce's eyes and Bruce saw that the cop saw the bag. Bruce said— "you see it, huh?"
     The cop said— "yes."
     "You know what it is?" — asked Bruce.
     "IT'S A BAG OF HEROIN!!!!" —yelled Bruce dramatically.
      The cop remained mellow but we knew it was a law that they would confiscate my car. And then it was like the cop wasn't there but I was still bummed out that I would lose the car and Bruce wasn't even apologetic (it was his heroin). I was trying to cross this other road and the traffic went on forever. Finally there was a gap so I started to cross but I had to stop for some pedestrians in the crosswalk. Some lady in a VW bus came barreling towards me, honking (not stopping for pedestrians in the crosswalk) and smashed into the side of me. I backed off the road with a big dent in the side. I was not hurt, and neither was Bruce, but I was bummed at what a shitty day I was having. Then I saw Jess in the crosswalk and it was like she was in the accident with me. I jumped out to see if she was okay. She was crying and Paul Sacheleri was consoling her. I asked her if she was okay but she was ignoring me. She sat down on a couch and Paul Sacheleri sat next to her with his arm around her. I asked her again if she was okay and she looked up and said— "why don't you just leave me alone? Get out of here."
     I was internally furious. I had been mellow about my other hardships but this was too much. I was so burning mad I couldn't reason, I could deal with all other stresses but it was too much for me that Jess could be so cold and I didn't know why. I was so enraged I woke up.

October 6, 1996 — Elko

I befriended this larger man named Fernando. He needed a place to stay and I was on my way back to the Ajijic house. We went and a few cats greeted me. Walked into my room, it was huge with a few beds. I showed the man another room where he could sleep. It was also large and unkempt. Out the window we could see the cats running around playing. They we were waiting for this missile and they would jump through the bushes. I asked how they knew when the missile comes and he said the missiles come in the shadow of an eclipse. Then Arthur and some other guy were there. I was telling Fernando— "sorry about the mess, this guy," I turned to Arthur, "as a matter fact, Eric, was just here. We spent the first night at the beach and then the roof and then here." I was recounting the story in the dream thought I had dreamed it earlier in a sense. A sort of cyclic dream:

"We (me and Eric) were in Monterrey seeing this movie. Mel Gibson was getting shot up on the floor and I became part of the film and I was on my hands and knees looking at the blood and bullets splatter on the wall and I was analyzing the direction they came from and whether they penetrated through and came to the conclusion that it wasn't real. Then the movie switched to "Singles" and the dead person was Jess. I was really sad, but I was in the movie and it was Seth [her x] that was going out with her (the old Jess, and the old me.) I was crying as her friends came in the room and they were like— "who's that?"

Switch to Seth and some friend of his far away in some fancy house. They knew about Jess's death but Seth didn't. The friend was trying to act funny and happy like nothing was wrong, then suddenly sprung it on him—"Jess's dead." Seth wasn't too upset. He poured himself a drink. And then there was a commercial. So I got up to walk around and went into this climbing gym where these punkers were having a demonstration of someone on a climbing wall. The person hosting the demonstration knew me and was like— "Derek! Are you going to stay for the demo?"

It look boring so I said—"no". Went against the grain of all the people standing in line and saw Alex (Physics geek) toward the rear. He also said— "Derek! How's it going man!" And did some high five action. Everyone in line who didn't know me looked at me like I was really popular. I was just trying to get out of there and didn't want to recount this physics geek what I'd been doing with my life since I graduated.

Went back to the theatre and sat towards the rear. I was sitting behind some guy that had control of the remote control, and he was casually surfing. I really wanted to watch "Singles" but didn't want to be pushy. We were watching some Planet of the Apes movie and just when I would get into that he would channel surf some more. No one else in the theatre seemed annoyed. I couldn't even see the entire screen. Then he finally switched it to Singles. I could tell because of the music. But it was dark and apocalyptic. There was rats cautiously venturing into an abandoned post-atomic bomb world. They were getting up more nerve and coming out in greater numbers. One of them said— "you notice something guys?" The rest of the rats didn't respond. "There's no human cigar butts!" And they all rejoiced and the credits came on. I left the theatre, with Eric. He drove off one way and I drove off another way. There was this big, weird car pulling out of the parking lot. It had these huge spinning loops that rotated around and axis containing the loops. I pulled onto the road to Carmel following it. After driving a few minutes I was wondering why I was driving to Carmel, when the only reason I was going to Carmel was because Eric wanted to go, and he was on his way back to the bay area. So I did a U-ie.

October 8, 1996 — Elko, Nevada

I was hiking along with two guys and was bored so I started hovering over the trail and realized I was dreaming so said fuck it, I'm going to fly. So I started to fly and shed things, spinning in all directions. There was no direction, it was just empty space.

Then I was with Jess in a hotel room. I hadn't seen her for a while and really wanted to make love with her. But she had some friend over. Some older women with a yellow mohawk. This woman invited her friend over who was Screaming Jay Hawkings. "I said hey! You're Screaming Jay." He looked at me like 'I can't believe you were stupid enough to know who I am'. They was in the bed. A song came over the radio and I said, "hey, they ripped you off." And I started singing the song, "I put a spell on you, because you're mine..." and Screaming Jay didn't even remember doing the song. He got some clippers and started shaving the women's mohawk off so she was bald. I just really wanted to get naked with Jess.

October 9, 1996 — Elko, Nevada

I was in some apartment that was Jess's and John Glenn came over with some other guy and his fat girlfriend. He was being all aggressive and his friend was egging him on. He jumped on his girlfriend and started squeezing her tits and grinding his crotch against hers even though she was saying 'no'. I was getting really disturbed but didn't feel it was my place to say anything. I just ignored them and watched TV and just when I figured I would do something, blood splattered all over his pants, which sobered John up. He couldn't figure what had happened. The girl had broken a jar of Jess's Vaseline. I realized in all the commotion that Jess had left. I told John and co. that I was going to sleep. They left finally and I started to thumb through Jess's address book to find out where she was. I picked up the phone to call and it was the operator saying— "is this Eric."
     "No this is Derek."
     "There's a message from Brian, all it says is, 'Ingmar Bergman'."
     I figured Jess would be there. I really wanted to find her.

Then I was in this swimming pool at this retreat in Idaho for Kevin (a sort of reform school). These two big redneck guys had their backs to Kevin and were right in front of me. They started saying all sorts of shit about Kevin, and I let them talk, pretending that I wasn't Kevin's brother. I was going to casually tell them when they were through. One thing they said was— "then he sat down at breakfast. And you know what he says? He says, 'I can't wait til you pass me the salt.'"
     I had some ketchup spilled on me and they took a glass of water and splashed me off. Kevin was leaving and then I saw Jessica. We started skipping, arm in arm, merrily next to Kevin as we walked out to try to cheer him up, but he was being all mopey.

Then I saw some cool looking cliffs and bounded over to check them out. They were black and volcanic with many pockets. But when I went up close it was crumbled instantly to powder. The people I was with were watching from a distance, so I pretended like I was climbing. One thing good about it was the landing if you fell was in soft powder. But I couldn't even get off the ground, it was like climbing a sandcastle. Then (from before) It was kind of insulting, them throwing water at me, but then again they were just trying to help me wash the ketchup off, so I didn't do anything or tell them I was Kevin's brother.

October 11, 1996 — Elko

There was a homeless guy (Kevin?) in McDonalds. His bicycle was outside in the cold. He was sleeping with a blanket over his head. A cop came in and told him to leave. But he wasn't being very forceful, he didn't have the heart. He was standing over the homeless guy, waiting for him look up from under his blanket. Then he did he politely asked him to leave. Eventually he tried to pick him up by his arm but the homeless guy was acting pathetic, didn't want to go outside.

October 30, 1996 — Elko

I was walking around this pond with Jess. There was a waterfall clogging up a pool with bubbles. I wanted to feel around there, see what was in there (eels? Fish?) Jess suggested against it. So I dammed up the waterfall and when it cleared up I saw a couple of crayfish the size of lobsters (it was fresh water). I asked Jess if she wanted Crayfish Jambalaya. She said yah so I found a pail (it had a broken handle) and scared the crawdads into shallower water. I collected 3, they had big claws except one that lost them. There was another one that was dead. I collected a few but it didn't seem like it was enough, since one was missing it's claws. It didn't seem worth it to collect these few unless I could get some more.

I was a mechanic at a convenience store. It was an easy job. I saw a Fed Ex "bus" that this guy was pushing by himself. He was doing alright until he got to this hill. I ran to help him but we couldn't get it up the hill. It started to roll backwards and I jumped out of the way. I went back to get a truck and I realized the winch was on the front. I was thinking if I had a tow chain or what I could use as a tow chain.

Then I was driving past Claron's house in Cedar City, Utah. He had 3 or 4 nice cars parked out front. One was a Red Trooper he was trying to sell. It wasn't as nice as mine and I had one anyway. But Scott was interested in it so we had to find a tow chain. I eventually found a strap and a bar.

November 9, 1996 — Tucson

I was playing pool with Claron [can't recall at all who this Claron is] and I was hitting stripes in, on a roll. But Claron told me I was solids and we were arguing about this and finally I gave in and then he was going to take his turn, but it was ridiculous because I had already hit all his balls in for him, so I started racking up the balls. It took forever to rack up the balls, they seem to be coming forever, the rack never filled up and I was choosing from an assortment of balls and not all of them went into the rack. Finally I racked the balls and I was going to break. I cut the ball in half (this was all like usual procedure). It didn't break in half evenly and it was like an apple with slices cut out of it. I was breaking from a spot on the floor in front of the table. I started to break but it seemed impossible, to jump the ball 15 feet and up onto the table. I was confused because I never remembered it being this hard. So I asked— "am I supposed to be using a Tee? Silly me." So I got this tee that was the height of the pool table and set it back fifteen feet from the table. But I still had to jump the ball off the Tee and onto the table. And it still seemed harder than normal.

November 10, 1996 — Tucson

I was with Kevin and David and we walked into this building where they were having a pegboard contest. These military types were climbing up a pegboard and were grunting with over-exaggerated moans and yells (like John McEnroe). I thought it was hilarious. I was asking how they could grip the pegs without gloves or at least chalk as they were metal. I was thinking if I had to do it with my sweaty hands it would be hard. But suddenly I was called, so I did it and it didn't feel like I was going very fast. On the way down you were supposed to touch this pole. When I finished the judge said— "good, but you forgot to touch the pole." I was just glad I did it. It was in front of a big group of people and I was embarrassed. Then Kevin was up. He did it before I could even turn around to watch. I was like—"wow, you must've done that fast?" And he was like—"Yah, I did it" but he was acting disappointed. So then they tallied up the points. The points were based on audience vote. I figured the militaristic guy would win, or maybe even Kevin and was very surprised and even embarrassed when they called my name because I didn't think I deserved it. Not only that but they said I got 1st, 2nd and 3rd prize because every vote was for me. I went to get my trophy and was trying to decide if I had to make a speech whether I would be modest and say I didn't deserve it, then I figured if everyone unanimously voted for me then I must've deserved it. So I had to wait in front of all these people while they hunted around for the trophies. They were huge and tacky and they were used. All scratched up and falling apart with even graffiti on them. I took them all and went back upstairs to hand out the 2nd and 3rd place trophies to Kevin and that other guy. Kevin was in the shower and I couldn't find the guy. 3rd prize was identical to 1st but smaller. 2nd prize you could play like s a slit drum. I figured they were so tacky they might make good decorations, conversation pieces, like the time I won that pegboard contest. We were waiting in a hotel room. Waiting to leave. David was throwing stuff around the room and I couldn't tell if he was angry. Jess was talking about how she was going to rent a car, and I was asking why, when she could just use the Trooper. But she said she wanted to wake up early to work out. This didn't make any sense to me. I was purposely exaggerating the sound effects, grunting and yelling, hard to keep myself from laughing. Evidently style points were a big factor.

November 11, 1996 — Tucson

I was hanging out with Bob Marley and a bunch of other Rastafarian soccer players. But we were playing American Football. I was watching from a distance and was tripping out on how strange they looked on a football field. All the numbers were really big, it seemed a lot bigger than a soccer field. They were running really fast and there dreadlocks were whipping about.

November 14, 1996 — Tucson

I was a secret agent posing as an Indian. I was so into the role that I was forgetting about my other life. I was with this other Indian away from camp, hunting with spears. He saw an enemy of ours, just one guy alone, and was stalking him. I was following behind. Spear raised. I was scanning the horizon (rolling plains) and noticed a figure with a huge black head dress stalking my buddy. I wanted to yell to him, but it would have given us up. I was thinking it would've been nice to have walkie-talkies. Then there was hundreds of guys with big black headdresses. I started to run. I looked up and my buddy had noticed them and was running. But they were gaining on him. I forgot about him and just started running as fast as I could. Our camp was uphill, I ran in the opposite direction into this vegetated ravine. There was no place to hide. I threw my spear away because it was slowing me down. I was looking off to the sides, I saw an alcove, but I had already run past it. Then I saw a cave with cobwebs hanging from the ceiling. I poked my head in it. There was three lightbulbs. It was a cylindrical shaft going straight down, man-made. The walls were lined with an insulation. There was nothing to grab on to. But it was too late to start running again, so I climbed in and started unscrewing the lightbulbs. I forgot about one and realized it right as one of the evil guys with a big black head dress was peering in. I unscrewed the bulb. It was like he blinked his eyes and didn't even notice. But he climbed in to check it out anyway. I started stemming down in front of him. The guy was talking aloud, like— "oh well, he's not in here, but I'm going to take this all the way to the bottom."

There was holds underneath the insulation that I found so I could climb down. Before I reached the bottom it was like I was Antonio Banderas. Both me and the evil man emerged into this underground research facility. I was on the defensive thinking I would have to fight this man. But he knew I was more powerful and didn't bother to fight me. He gave himself up and we walked through this research facility devoid of people. There was just lots of machinery. I was starting to remember my past life, before I became an Indian secret agent. I had worked in this facility. I had given up my wife and kids and a normal life. 

There was another dream that I was with my family moving furniture into this place. There was customs officials. This one bureau was full of baggies of heroin and we told Kevin —"throw away all these bags." There was more moving furniture and trying to make a kitchen out of a bathroom. [1st part used for "Aligned in the Ranks of Amoebic Ancestry" in Poste Restante]


November 17, 1996 — Tucson

I was training to teach at this institutionalized learning facility. Kevin was teaching there. An assistant on this panel of teachers that taught this class. It was very futuristic and institutionalized, almost like a prison. I was observing another class and the kids were repeating questions in accurate, loud and precise voices, like they were in the army. I was intimidated and nervous about starting work. I was down in the basement, the bowels of the building. Some guy was trying to frame me. He knew I was walking by this hidden camera so he slammed his body against this door triggering an alarm.

December 2, 1996 — Kanab, Utah

I was on this beachfront (felt Italian) and I ran into David. He was with this young girl. They were going to this beach furthur down and I was following them. I sensed that he wanted to be alone with this girl, but also that it would be rude if I didn't go with him since I hadn't seen him for a while. They were going to the beach of "small, big shells". The big waves were curling vividly right onto the shore. I was thinking I would have to swim out there to give an excuse for David to have privacy with this girl. We came to the beach of small, big shells and there were small, big shells everywhere; namely large conch shells whose outer spiral had broken, but it made them very new and shiny looking. You couldn't even tell the outer spiral was not there. Then I started finding all sorts of colorful bottles. Blue bottles with spouts at either end, skewed at different heights. Many different shades of blues. Then I started finding those glass balls (ones used for fishing nets) and I was getting really excited. I asked the Italian lifeguard what they were for as I was picking them up. He said he didn't know, perhaps a table set. As I was picking up the glass balls they turned to solid coper. They were laying in these dishes on a sort of grapevine candelabra thing. I took the whole thing. I was excited to collect all these things for Jess and was telling everybody how much she loved these glass balls. I wanted to say— "she'll have an orgasm when she gets these" but thought that might sound funny. I was contemplating what to carry everything back in. I wanted to start combing the beach but I didn't have anything to carry things in. I was thinking about going back to the car. Or maybe wrapping everything in my towel. I wasn't through, I had found these prizes, but now I had to get them home to Jess.

"Beach of Small Big Shells" in 23 Text Tiles

[... 1997 dream log ]

636 <( current)>  638 > Homeless reunion w/ our bedder-½ after stomping out the black hole in mom's jardín in '95
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