|Dante's eulogy: good grief, Carlo Gian! Where's my motorino? + other elephants in the room||
6 April 2021> Still prosessing G's deth... not shore what those psycho-mumbojumbo stages of grieving r? in our last post we was perhaps in denile ± a bit angry G din't take bedder care of hisself, venting our frustrations. also weird it was all so hush hush + took em 3 days 2 go public w/ it. The Believer posted sum tributes, inkluding sumthing we wrote ("Dude, Where Did I Park My Motorino?") that's perhaps more 4-giving then our last post. if it wasn't 4 the fact dat the service was this afternoon + we saw the coffin we still might think it was all a hoax. like w/ our brother, father + mother we din't see no dead body, so G kin continue 2 live on in our mined, in Our Life in the Blog of Ghosts, ain't no harm in dat far as we're concerned, almost like Gian's still out there in the ether reading this? closure is over-8'd. mos def wierd 2 dial in + just watch a live stream of your funaroll (that kept cutting out), did u see it?... seamed religious + antiseptic (did the pastor seriously make dat "good grief" comment?) + probly not what u, G, wd of wanted, but what do we know? onely time u menshunned priests to us was the time u had sex w/1 + we told u shut up we din't wanna here about it. think u wd of wanted sumthing more like Bob's funeral in Private Idaho, no?
then again, glad all yr druggy friends weren't there, at least 4 the sake of yr family, wich is really what madders, no? + poor Giu, who no 1 really acknowledged, wich was the saddest part. there's still so much dat doesn't sit well w/ us... such a shame 4 the world 2 lose sum 1 like u, G.
7 April> Guess it's perticklerly hard 4 us cuz u, G, ripresent more than just the person Giancarlo Ditrapano. 4 us u was a sinbull of everything we shd of been (as a publicher). as we slowly retreated from the litterary world this past decade, u was our onely window in2 the scene we dint halve the stomache 4... while we shunned social media u embraced it + was well-connected w/ anybody dat was anybody. while we was busy erasing our identity, u was pudding yourself out there as the face of Tyrant Books. we couldn't be like Giancarlo Ditrapano if we tried, u was just naturally charismatic + had a knack 4 pudding yourself out there w/o coming off as a promotional douchebag. pard of why we felt ok slipping in2 anonymous obscurity was cuz we knew u were hear to pick up the slack, now what? while we halve long since given up hope 4 humanity it's all good 2 u, member dat conversation on our terazza where we was going on our usual rant of how fucked the world is + we asked u point blank how u couldn't agree + u honestly said u din't think so. if we said yah, but what about unchecked population growth u'd say "bring it on dawg!" all the tourists in Rome din't bother u nun, the more the merrier. of course there must of been reasons why u were self-medicating yourself 2 kingdum come but seams they were all internal (cluster headaches, etc.)... inny problem cd be cured by drugs. when The Believer asked us 2 write sumthing they said not 2 menshun drugs, but man, drugs was a huge part of what Gian was/is + he'd probly be 1st 2 edmit it. we've never seen sum 1 be able 2 ingest so much + still be highly functional. we've blogged b4 about how we were failed stoners, well when we left Rome in 2019 we had a bunch of cannabis edibles dat we didnt want 2 risk bringing back + when we showed them 2 Gian he gobbled a handful of em w/o a blink like they was candy + when we told hym they were strong (1 was more than plenty 4 us) he rolled his eyes like dawg, plz. this was on top of whatever else he was on, he wd take tokes of hash every 15 minutes, pop whatever pills + undoubtedly we were drinking wine or grappa. he said yes 2 everything. this concerned us when we 1st met hym, but in recent years we resigned ourself 2 believing he was invinceable like Keith Richards or Jerry Garcia. although he was unabashed about his drug use he kept it 2 hymself mostly + didn't judge us nun 4 not partaking w/ hym (besides calling us grandma)... there was onely 1 time we thought he was uncool 4 offering hash 2 our bedder-½'s UN colleagues, sum of them inexperienced youngins from China, Pakistan, etc. + smoking hash in public (wich in Rome ppl don't do) in front of every 1 even after we aksed hym not to... dat was a dick move, dawg. if he was around + we told hym now he'd apologize + probly feel bad... this is what makes hym such a complicated character. from his p.o.v. he was just trying 2 share this joy dat he'd discovered + we were being the uptight asshole (which we were/are) for raining on his parade of generosity. in an ideal world we shd all be free 2 do drugs + feel no shame in it.
|# 867 <(current)> 869> Job/house hunting on the Piscataqua w/ no clutch to live free or die making pneumatic valves (aug 97)|