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Losing the thriver meme thread 2 river change in a release psychle of living + dying in unknown landscapes


10 July 2021> We were at sum sorta training, 1st in what felt geographically like San Diego + then down to the tip of Baja but we don't member how we got there. We was in the middle of a 2-3 hr test + was in "a zone," cranking out answers to every question but after it was done we had the slightest idea what it was about or weather we did well. After handing in our test (we were 1st to finish) we asked the instructr if we cd go back to the rm to get sumthing + asked if it was 2 the left + then a right + he said yes + then we started to go then stopped + asked "or, are u sure it's not right + then to the left" + he just acted like whatever it's all the same + we wanted to take a diffrent scenic way so went that way + ended up @ sum hotel + asked if they had rooms + this bellhop girl (strait out of a Wes Anderson flick) said they were bookd + we asked if there were any other hotels + she said yah + rote sumthing down on a piece of paper abt how we had to go in2 this underground speak-ez + ask if there was a train to such + such place + we said we din't want to go this place + the bellhop girl said it was all coded landgauge 2 ask for a room cuz it wasn't a legal hotel. We left the hotel glad we weren't staying there cuz there were all these dumb gringos being idiots. We wanted to take yet a diffrent way back then the way we came, back 2 the testing center, so we took the middle road, swearing under our breath @ all the annoying turistas. The path was flooded + we were wading hip-deep in water + was thinking it'd take us 4ever + it was around 6 or 7 + we didnt want 2 miss dinner. We started 2 go back but then realized the water was flowing, like a canal + we was able 2 swim @ a decent clip + by the looks of it (the snippets we cd see between trees) it was quite scenic, there was a towering Aztec castle overhead that looked like Taos + we cd hear + get glimpses of a distint waterfall so started to get worried that the canal we were in might lead 2 it but the canal was going uphill twards this castle on the mountain + we was thinking this was impossible, that the canal was defying gravity by going uphill + we reckoned the only way it was possible was if it was reeeaaally deep + we were swimming in the very top portion of the canal. We saw this other nice hotel that was ½ empty + wondered why that bellhop girl didn't tell us about this 1 cuz it seemed legit + hip. We went in + our cousin was in the lobby + asked to see sumthing but didn't articulate what it was, but apparently we needed sum paper 2 bee in this country. We showed him our itinerary + our passport + then the receptionist got involved asking 4 sumthing, also mumbling under her breath + we said they had 2 tell us xactly what we needed + displayed all our documents + showed how they were all in order but they didn't seem satisfied but we said if they couldn't articulate what they wanted then we were free to go. We had unpacked our entire bag in the process + had to pack it all back together + realized our jacket wasn't in there. They were all fixing to leave (they also had packed their bags + stowed them away) + we were saying that sumbody had our jacket. We thought it was accidental but then was realizing this entire thing (them demanding to see our papers) was all a ploy to get us to empty out our bag so they cd steal our jacket. We asked our cousin to check his bag, that mayb he'd accidentally put it in his bag. We acted like it wasn't a big deal, that we probly wouldn't need the jacket cuz it was warm + tropical + went on how we didn't particularly like the jacket, but it was our mom's coat that she had given to us. He hemmed + hawed + kept changing the subject + we never got our mom's jacket back.

Went walking down around Hain's point, looking out where the Anacostia, Washington Channel + Potomac meet then across the Rochambeau bridge into Virginia went up the waterfront along the Potomac ate sum crackers + cheese + fed crumbs to a crow then back across the Arlington bridge thru Foggy Bottom + the Golden Triangle home, sum 10+ miles in all.

Now that we finished Tributaries + we're starting to release it stream by stream we're feeling that generule malaise we often feel in the doldrums between releases... intresting word, release... like afterwords u get a new lease on life.

1: to set free from restraint, confinement, or servitude. release hostages
also : to let go : dismiss. released from her job
2: to relieve from something that confines, burdens, or oppresses
was released from her promise
3: to give up in favor of another : relinquish
release a claim to property
4: to give permission for publication, performance, exhibition, or sale of
also : to make available to the public
the commission released its findings

We have a habit of releasing sumthing + never looking back, as if they're estranged children, exorcised from our body. We were working on thriver meme before we recorded Tributaries, but it's hard to get back into it. We started thriver meme almost 3 yrs ago + keep getting interrupting, 1st by Textiloma; or, The Postmodern Epimetheus (another project that got interrupted mid-stream ('SSES" 'SSES")+ needed to be finished). Then covid happened + we needid to do sumthing hands-on/visual (away from computers) to keep sane so made the 4 art books (i.0 + y.0 + iiiiiiiiiii + 4!×) that went into 4ier X-forms. Then we got back to music w/ Herd of Birds + then on a whim did dreamy txts for Residue. Sew now weave lost the thriver meme thread...

Perhaps we severed the thread on purpiss, to wipe the slate clean. Being the consciously competent seekwilll to The Becoming (2013, where we were unconsciously incompetent) + A Raft Manifest (2017, writ w/ unconscious competence), we needed to shift gears in our noggin, retrain ourselves to write normally from a consciously competent state of mind. To meet this book-every-4-years pattern we shd probly release thriver meme in 2021 but doubt this is gunna happen.

Folks talk about "sea change" but what we're striving for is more like river change... to achieve fluidity. Txt-wise this means the writer's (+ subsequently reader's) stream of consciousness shd be uninterrupted... like mayb we shd spell out "and" instead of using "+" (which many associate w/ mathematical addition) and maybe we shd actually run a spell check on our txt and maybe we should write out "should" instead of "shd" and generally use correct (widely accepted) grammar and spelling? It's also hard cuz we get not feedback, so we don't know what works or doesn't work, for other ppl. Then again, we can only assume it's all shit—our writing, our art, our music—no matter what we do, so may as well keep doing what comes natural to us instead of trying to make art that other folks like. Weave never really given a shit what other ppl think, except sumtimes we wished we cd write sumthing accessible to our bedder-½ cuz we leave even them scratching their head.

Or maybe we shd abandone prose + go fool on poetry? Maybe we shd focus on immediate language rather than overarching story, do away w/ outlines, notes to self to incorporate that become like long lists of to-dos. Maybe we shd just live in the hear + now, clear our head before we sit down to write + then just let each word lead to the next, put 1 foot in front of the utter, write like this:

dolphin rind in skin sublime
so sue yr oats in father's suit
4 sewing the flute, the trees, a lute, the leaves
in2 sliver linings fallen a cross the trail
peppe red in hail pink w/ blood
from pene traiting pigskin, flea-flickin' follies repsychled
back between cheeks to hike hobo tracks
we seam 2 bee letting a draft in2
said quonset hut in Hueco Tanks
goin over the beta in yr head before day brakes +
you're calld on 2 take the sharp end

We cd go on ∀ll day comme ça. But we don't read poetry so what gives us the write to rite it? Mayb it's high time to foke us more on input than output, bunker down + read more? Starting 2 think about what 2 bring to Bologna for 6 months... we got hard cases 4 our guitar + mandolin, but it's still up in the air wich to bring, if ether. When we went 2 Rome for 6 months in 2015 all we brot was clothes + books that all fit in 1 roller bag, but we were also semi-nomadic + needed to be footlose + fancyfree. Like in 2015 we'll be staying in airbnbs, at least the 1st month, but our bedder-½ shd halve an office of sum sort where we can stash stuff if need b, so we cd bring a guitar or mandolin if we wanted... but we also dig the idea of travelling light, bring a dozen books + our laptop + just doing a lot of reading + writing + eating good food.

Speaking of poetry, we're going thru our to-read pile of books we find in liebury boxes to see which to bring + came across Landscapes of Living & Dying by Lawrence Ferlinghetti which we started to peruse 2 evaluate if it's 1 to bring to Bologna + next thing we knew we were ½-way thru, it's a short + ez read. Not sure if it's any good, again, we don't know shit about what makes poetry good or not, but it was intresting enough to us having come of age in northern California shortly after the book was published (1978) so a bit nostalgic. But most poetry we read we think we cd do so much bedder... if we wanted, but who wants to be a poet? We sure as hell dont.

Last night we saw The Last Seduction which we aint sure we've seen again since it came out. Linda Fiorrrrrrrentino is the penultimate sexy cold-hearted bitch. Then we saw Salvador, an Oliver Stone film w/ James Woods which again, ain't sure if we've seen it since the '80s + may have influenced the above dream we started this post with. Sum other movies we've seen this past week or 2:

  • Judas and Black Messiah (★★★★★)—Kaluuya deserved the oscar, tho not sure why it was supporting when he seemed like the main actor? And the movie was a lot better than Nomadland
  • Sudden Moves (★★)—pretty mediocre, only thing good was Don Cheadle's acting
  • King Kong (1976)(★★★)—hadn't rewatched it in a long while... Bridges + Lange were OK but the rest of the cast sucked
  • Star Trek (1979)(★★★)—a bit slow, but definitely posthumun
894 <(current)> 896> 99 car-wrecked resolutions of marathon man before Y2K @ B + H
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