487> tour de france leg III: shâteau shitshow where donkeys wear pants

8 July 2016 | Île de Ré, France> woke up in th Vezere valley .. drove thru Bordeaux wine region .. past La Rochelle on a bridge to th i-land of Île de Ré .. Atlantic coast ∆iffrent vibe than Mediterranean .. whitewashed bungalows w/ sky blue shutters .. like th Cape Code of France but more laid back .... went to th beach .. low tide walked way out .. dint sea much creatures in th tidepools .. ran barefoot along th beach flip-flops in hand careful not to hurt our heel like we did last yr round this time .... lots of creepy ol naked guys on th beach standing around talking to eachother or walking their dogs or leaning over to pick things up off th beach .... rent'd bikes + rode around .. good network of bikepaths tho plenty of turists .. old peepole + whole fam damilys all on bikes .. rode to St Martin .. cruized around on th grassy ramparts of th ol fort .. came across some shaggy donkeys that wear pants .. a strange breed specific to this i-land (used for hauling salt) so shaggy they get dreads if not groom'd .. they put pants on them to proteck agenst th bugs in th marshes but we thinking got more to do w/ fashion .... tons of ppl moseying around on bikes .... rode along th north coast of th i-land past oyster farms + vinyards .. saw more donkeys these 1s just grazing lazily not subject'd to wearing pants + giving kids rides .. stop'd + got huitres + vin overlooking th water .... continued on to Couarde sur Mer .. ate ceviche + vongole .. back to Le Bois Plage en Re where now we sleep ..

leaving Condat-sur-Vezere


arriving Île de Ré


Le Bois plage


ramparts of Saint-Martin-de-Ré



a place in france where donkeys wear pants



pantless donkeys we befriend'd


+ here = a shot of yors truly posing w/our brother donkeys that our better-½ snap'd




overlooking th bay


more donkeys + a frisky pony


high tide

9 Jul | Mosnes> woke up in our beach bungalow .. went running on th beach (w/ shoes this time + in th other direxion) .. purposely in th softer sand + up dunes for a bedder workout .. coont checkout til 9 so hung around .... not jiving w/ th French way of doing things .. u aks us we think they downrite lazy .. no 1 wants to work + when they do work seems they just spacing out jonesing for a cigarette or thinking about drinking wine w/ their friends .. no 1 wants to wake up early to serve breakfast .. no 1 wants to make coffee .. no 1 wants to git up early to work @ a hotel .. spose they do got a fitness center @ th hotel it opens 9-5 so u kin only exorcise in th middle of th day .... + when french ppl do finelly show up for work never have we seen such incompetence in performing regular tasks .. even day-to-day 1s like how to work a credit card machine .. we dont work in th service industry let alone in France but still weave had to teach a few ppl how to work 1 or what th numbers mean .... not basing this on 1 or 2 interactions but now 2-3 weeks here + living here for 2 months b4 + a few other times to Paris or th Alps .... sure it helps to know th landgauge but nowhere else in th world do u find ppl such douchebags about it .. usually ppl try to understand or encourage u to try to parlay but here they shut down .... + we cant blame them for hating Amerikins .. but they complete hippocrits .. they muck just as much junk food .. they just as capitalistic if not more so .. everything made of plastic + cheesey + Disneyfied .. all their old cultural sites ruined by souvenir stands + billboards every1 tryng to make a buck .. toll roads round every turn .. they charge u to look @ every little thing .. th ∆iffrence = that French lack th productive drive Amerikins have .. they dont want to improve nothing .. they hardly even have Inurnet here .. like they still using 56k modems .. everywhere just awful connexions .. push'd on north + back inland to see more shathoes ..

Ambroise château

10 July> woke up early got to Château de Chambord when it open'd first 1s in th door .. not so impress'd cept for th double-helix stairs desined by Da Vinci .. seen meny a castle or palace in Italy much grander + better + they charge u nothing or next to niente + hardly as menny turists .. ici u payez 13 €uros juste to see some old mansion .. + another 6 €uros for parking .. + cuz nobody wants to work they try to automate everything in a dysfunctional way .. only 2 machines for validating parking tickets for 1000s of turists .. 1 out of order + th other swallow'd our credit card (no cash accept'd) + woont giv her back so we had to find sum1 (after listning to sum recording for 10 minutes on th intercom to «appeler à l'aide») to ouvrir la machine + git our card back then deal w/ manually trying to convince them (cash in hand) to just let us leave th dam place .. most of th time here spent dealing w/ shit like this .... + no 1 here gives a fuck .. Italy had her inafishinseas sure but there u felt @ least they happy living life + apologetic + sumwhat kinsiderate .. here no 1 wants to help nor fix nuthing to make her better + they all seem miserable + inkinsiderate .. truly th lazyest + most incompetent + unpleasant ppl on this planet + weave visit'd menny a country .. «provençal» just a fancy way of saying backwoodass .... got us to thinking sum bout Amerika + what makes Amerikins so motivated + sucksessful .. probly sumpin to do w/ th puritan work ethic .. 300 or 400 yrs ago disgruntled ppl in europe thinking fuck this place lets go somewhere new where we can start from scratch + see for ourselfs th fruits of our labor not give it to sum lord .... our antsisters among these + we got such genes baked in .. even tho we not protestant nor farmers we still feel a need to wake up @ crack of dawn + do sumpin .... innyway .. after Chombard we went to Château de Chenonceau .. much mo impressive .. spans a river over arches .... resort'd to eating a hamburger w/ fries just cuz we starving here + no other options xcept tripe or foie gras or crappy-ass crepes .. dinner a bit better, bottle of Vouvray wine from a winery just across th river + bits of fromage + charcuterie in a funky wine bar w/ tables set up along th rives de la rivière Loire ..

Loire river








Da Vinci double-helix staircase


antler room


donkeys + anudder shatoe






on th banks of th Loire

11 July | Dinan> Portugal beat France so a somber tone in France .. once that whiney primaddona Ronaldo went off th field crying like a baby after a moth land'd on his face (haha th highlight of th game) we rootid for Portugal all th way just to spite our host country .... drove back west + north back to th coast .. a town call'd Dinan .. walk'd up into th town + got mussels for lunch .. walk'd around th ramparts .. for dinner we try'd hard to find sumping sides foie gras or entrecote or duck .. point'd to dish @ random (Andouille sumping or other) + waht we got look'd + smell'd like a piece of fry'd pigshit .. nevertheless ate it cuz we starving + we order'd her poor pig died so they could rip her guts + butthole out + fry her up .. not sure what vedgetarians do here .. even th eggs taste disgusting + tho they brag about how good they cook them every omelet we had = burnt + eggs taste like barnyard funk .. no spice or even salt (a dash of iodized salt mite help for that cretinism) on innything .. bland unless u like th taste of raw fat ± rancid butter ± cremey creme ± sweet dessert shit or crappy crepes .. + portion sizes = redickulous .. if u order a dish of asparagus u get 1 sprig sitting along on a plate .. yeah, ok adorn'd w/ swirls of sum sweet glaze + foam looking like it came out of a squished bug's mouth ..












[encore we lag un jour or 2 b'hind in posting these .. from lack of productivity (its contagious) + Inurnet]

 486 <( )> 488 > Frants to UK under th mad muse of Molloy


[  (ɔ)om.Postd 2016  derek white  |  calamari archive   ]