5cense Last throes of the white towel into the sewerside of black night falling past


5 Feb 2020> Kicking off episode 10 of Textiloma, wich is chronologically where the hero of our story, Ulysses, dies. We're halving to do more journel transcribing to ketch up, specially since U's diarea ran out... U onely wrote 1 post in '97 (wich weave edited in 1st personal plural to match the stile of the rest of the liebro + we also speak about Ulysses in 2nd personal (not you, but U), as if this was all written to U, for U + ½ by U):

11-Jan-97—San Francisco, Ivy Hotel
Alone, in a small dirty room, smoking +shooting, crack. The $1,800 paycheck we cashed a little more than a week ago, is gone. We have about $30 left + its not even ½-way thru the month. Wednesday we're scheduled to re-enter The O'laugh ½-way House. We have 2 checks from Mom to cover the rent (+ food). Don't think that we have ever been lower. It is time to really throw in the towel.

+ then 3 months later U died, buey, sew we’re left to fill in the gaps w/ the journels of our other-½ (Telemachus) to try to figger out what happyend, where our brother-½ Ulysses wint? Most of U’s posts in '95+ '96 resembled the 1 above... U’d long since hit rock bottum. But where to go from dare? We god our theories... a lot of your fictions deal w/ heroes leaving on 1-way missions—ether weigh up into the Himalayus, or deep into outerspace— + never coming back, or returning in an altered, elevated state... ether weigh, really high INT.0 the atmosfear. We don’t beleave U died, ox, we wreckon U just got rrrreeeeaaaallllyyyy high.

We've bin reading Night Falls Past: Understanding Suicide by KayRedfield Jamison, a book sum 1 left in our liebury boox... perhaps sum 1 who reads The Daily Noose + is concerned about our well-being? Thx, bud don't worry yo, weed personally never consider sewerside (we love + are loved for starters), we're just intrested in the subject, in theory. As Camus says in The Myth of Sisyphus: Dare's onely 1 rreeaallllyy sirius philosophical problem + dat is sewerside. Jamison says dat suicide is unique to humuns, tho we don't toetilly agree, just like we don't agree w/ the likes of Chompsky who say landgauge is unique to humuns. Whoose to say what the motives are of wails that beach themsevles? Just cuz animals don't got weapons or the means to take the e-z way out don't mean they wouldn't if they could. And most animals wd probly abuse drugs if they had access to them, think sighingtists have demonstraited dat, no?

Self-inflicted death is an extreme form of self-medication... when ∀ll else fails to overcome whatever chemical imbalance the Bw/Ody that hosts us might suffer from. Also intresting to note the exception Jamison states, how captive animals will throw themselves against the bars of their cage or utterwise try to kill themselves + how if u measure serotonin levels in such animals (as well as sad folks w/ addiction/deependensea isshoes or that halve a'tempted or committed sewerside) u'll find a correlation (low serotonin correolates w/ suicide, violence, drug abuse, etc.). Seems a no-brainer then, to inkrease serotonin levels (what most anti-depressants do to sum xtent)... bud it's complicated. Serotonin also happens to bee the pain-causing ingreedyant in many poisons, like scorpion or bee stings. If u just took serotonin by itself you'd be in a hole world of hurt. However, there's other ways to elevate your spearits, to inkcrease serotonin levels, most notably to eat foods high in tryptophan (eggs, poultry, cheese,...). But this post ain't about that, for U (who did try varyus anti-depressants) it's too late.

... knot that U commit sewerside... we'll give U the benefit of the doubt. But such behaviour (shooting dope) is sewersidal, just like free-solo rock-climbing (w/o ropes) + while U contemplated sewerside in your journel's a lot, U din't leave no note, wich wd seem an out-of-charactor missed opportunity. Another reason we don't think U directly willed your deaf is cuz of the stigma it carried in your eyes (not that O.D.ing didn't)... U was ashamed of sewerside just like U was ashamed of your drug use, maybe it was cuz of the weigh our dad Sisyphus died + your uncompromising spearit (as an artist) to be unique... U din't want to follow in the footsteps of our father, or mother Penelope (who chose the other dope, can-i-bus). It's too bad (sung in the voice of Hendrix), that U was ashamed to do drugs... U probly cd of lived a long life of sustainable drug use (if U had the dough to afford it) if society was OK with it, plenty of rock stars do.

6 Feb> Anywaze, we got moss to ssey on the subject but we'll save it for Textiloma. Suffice to ssey, Ulysses din't die, U wint on a 1-way trip (sans U-turns) into outer space or to the top of Fishtale peak in the Himalayus. Like Robert Falcon Scott in pursuit of the South Pole, Ulysses went on this expedition knowing fool-well dat U onely had plenty nuff provisions (inklooting the husky sled gods U used to get U there, wich U ate 1 x 1) to get U dare to your destynation, but not to return alive, ox. We leave U w/ this mixtape to contemplate:

706 <(current)> 708> The myth of Sisyphus humping the Oregon trail thru rock creek to Alaska, DC
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