Nights of the living zoombie: our collected covid unconscious in the rear view merehorror of 2020


12/28/2020> Sure we ain't alone in thinking 2020 was the year from hell. If it weren't for our trip to Florida last January it would go down as the 1st year of our life where we never left home (within walking distance). Guess it was a productive year for us tho... we finished Textiloma by April, then started a new online project, thriver meme, tho it keeps rewriting itself + we haven't gotten past chapter 3. We made a lot of art, 1st on recycled cardboard + found objects using household items, then we made 4 unique 1-of-a-kind book objects that we compiled into 4ier X-forms. Sound Furies released another album, Herd of Birds, on vinyl. We blogged 140 posts here on The Daily Noose, which inklooted us archiving all our journals from 1992, 1993, 1994 + 1996 (thus reliving those years in a cense) + also finished archiving our entire dream log.

Come 2021 we're gonna rename this Life in the Blog of Ghosts + finish archiving all our journals so our entire life will effectively be online, so this may be the last post as The Daily Noose... figured we could lose the grim moniker since Drumpf finally got ousted... tho there's still 1 more hurdle (senate confirmation on Jan 6). Or change it to The Nightly Noose + only log nocturnal activity. We finished our Microcosmic Psychogeography of DC project, wherein we walked every state-named street in D.C., past every embassy + also all the letter-named streets. We read 76 books (granted some of those were distracted cursory ½ reads) + exchanged/gave away 100s of books in our liebury boox. We cooked close to 365 dinners including these 19 + drank at least 365 bottles of wine (except for January where we didn't drink at all). Our Mineareye's d-zzz wasn't as bad as 2019 or at least we aren't experiencing vertigo so much but we still have constant tinnitus + are ½ deaf in our right ear + suffered a few vestibular migraines. Besides a month or 2 where we had a bruised heel we feel pretty healthy + fit, tho as always we can afford to lose 5-10 pounds... but we'll got into that in the next post when we make resolutions, this post is about reflecting back. 2020 was the year our mom died. Seems a lot of people died. 2020 was the year of death + d-zzz + social unrest (on our doorstep even). We was living in NYC during 9/11 but this was diffrent cuz it involved the entire planet + was a hidden terror + on top of it we have/had a fascist clown for president... could it possibly get more absurd? Will the world ever recover + how long will it take to overcome the post-traumatic stress now deeply rooted in our collective unconsciousness?

After we finished archiving our dream log we said post-2019 that our nocturnal emissions would get mixed in w/ our day-to-day journaling, but now we're thinking maybe we'll repost them all here in 1 spot to bedder understand subconsciously wtf happend in 2020. A lot of dreams we had were too vague too log + there were many undocumented covid dreams we didn't bother to record, walking into places where people didn't have masks on or discovering we didn't have a mask or the other night there were maskless people trying to get into our house for no particular reason, like a fucking zombie movie. So here's the year in summary of this sleeping mind (tho sometimes glossing thru the posts it's hard to tell what's dream + what's real), 49 dreams in all spread across every month:

01/04/2020> We wint to a movie last nite in a theatre w/ multiple screens + chairs facing every wich way so u picked a chair facing the screen u wanted to watch, all juxtaposed at skewed angles. We was there to see The Doors movie + it was being projected onto a door. The people we was with (strangers) picked a randumb seat way in back where we could barely see, especially since the door/screen was actual size. Then later we was sitting w/ our bedder-½ + she was talking about how she had tickets to see Queen + Michael Jackson + how she bot 'em before they were popular + meanwhile we was distracted cuz there was a doorway in this janky meat market establishment across the street + these guys would show up in wheelchairs + helmets + when they got to the doorway threw themselves to the ground amongst filth + sharp objects + then dragged their folded-up wheelchairs thru the doorway cuz they couldn't fit otherwise. Our bedder-½ said we wasn't even paying attention so she decided to give the extra ticket to 1 of her friends. Then she left the table + we had to explain to this friend of hers how we was distracted cuz we was watching these guys in wheelchairs throw themselves to the ground to get thru this door + how we din't understand if so menny disabled folks worked at this meat market why they din't make it wheelchair accessible or at least clean up all the garbage + sharp objects on the ground + how also we din't care about the concert cuz the lead singers of both bands were dead so how was it even possible they was playing live, but at the same time we was curious + hurt that our bedder-½ gave our ticket away + sad that we had to explain this all to a friend of hers we didn't even know.

9 Jan 2020| St Augustine> Don't member our dreams tho, sumping about Calamari Archive being run by 4 people so we had sum sorta complicated approval prosses.

10 Jan 2020| New Smyrna Beach, FL> Late last nite wint to the doctor's w/ our bedder-½ + they gave her XTC as part of her therapy. She was on her way to work + we was saying that she wd be in no condition to work so we was going to take her home. Evidently the initial "hot pan" effect was gonna kick in in 10 minutes. We got in the elevator + it went up not down, couldn't find an elevator descending. We aksed nurses + orderlies + they just shrugged, resigned to their fate that elevators only wint up + u was on your one to find a weigh down. Ended up in an offshoot of the NYC subway station that was high up in an elevated parking garage. We followed sum sign that said ∃xit thru a strange service tunnel along the side of a freeway bridge. There was sum other ppl w/ us + even an MTA employee guiding the way, all talking about how absurd this was + the MTA employee was saying it was temporary. Woke up w/ terrible vertigo. 

17 Feb 2020> I was at a hotel-like apartment making music, recording from a walkman w/ 2 cords, trying to figure out transferring old technology to new. Thought I heard a shaking + Jess yelling “Derek”. I looked thru the peephole + she was out there sitting on the steps (in the dream).

2 Mar 2020, DC> Getting on a plane, the lower deck was for "ghost-writers + middle-men, go-betweens like Keyser Söze".

31 Mar 2020>  2 noches ago we took a sharp turn down Σum alley + there was a little Fiat 500 dat had crashed, apparently a notorious hairpin turn where people always got in axidents + we couldn’t figger out why they din’t do nothing to make things less dangerous. We flipped the machina over + offered to help but the old Italian guy was embarrassed + ran off, even tho he was bleeding + injured. We found a ½-broken windshield but it wasn’t for his car, apparently there had bin another axident. We wint into a restraunt dat was partially open + the 2 European teenage girls came to us + introduced themselves + we shook hands + 1 of them held onto our mano + then we realized it was a stupid thing to do (cuz of COVID). We din’t want to offend them but excused ourself to use the bathroom + had to wait in a long Q + then when we got in there there was no sink, just a backed-up loo + the remnants of toilet paper were smeared w/ shit, nowhere to even wipe our hands.

Then last night there were little red bugs nibbling on our skin, waking us up. We saw all these little cricket like bright red bugs + a bunch of their red appendages, piled near the circular edge of a mosquito net we was sleeping under, like the bugs had all been trying to get in. We tried to adjust it to keep em out. Then we saw 2 dead black scorpions + was thinking if 2 got in there must be more. Obviously we was halving a hard time sleeping (in the dream).

1 April> Went w/ our bedder-½ to a meating she had + waited in the lobby of sum weird building/mall complex that was like it was ½-inside but ½-outside on the beach. Sum African-American guy was telling us that in Africa they always repeat your name 5 times, "like you’d be Derek Derek, man, Derek Derek Derek." Then we was just hanging out on this in-door beach + every 1 started singing sum sorta Jewish folk song + they all knew the words but we din’t so felt uncomfortable. We tried to get away but the waves was coming higher + trapping us into a dead end room/cave. We finally made it out, scrambling up a stoney beach w/ evenly displaced stones of certain colors + shapes that were all too perfect, like they was fake. A secretary came out to apologize dat our bedder-½ was still being detained, dat they still had to "settle the books." Sum guy next to us said "uh-oh, looks like your ol lady owes them money" + we said, no it ain't like dat, dat she was a sighingtist. There was sum sorta pachinko machine where people put coins in + they were all Q'ing up to drop quarters in. This 1 guy put a coin in + got mad when he lost + ripped it from the wall + threw it on the ground then walked away. We went to check it out + discovered it had broken open. We showed the guy the hole + he was tempted but din’t take any of the coins, nor did we, tho we egged him on, saying, "u may as well, they’re the thieves to begin with."  

2 April 2020, DC> We was w/ Kevin [our dead brother] hunkered around a fountain/firepit at our dad's house dat, again, was ½-indoor/½-outdoor. We had 1 baseball mitt + 1 tennis ball to occupy our time, so we went up into a loft space + threw the mitt down to him. It landed in the water of the fountain, but we figgered it would be good for the leather to get wet. We noticed an open door + told our dad + he said it was a known issue, when u open 1 door below it maid the other 1 up above open. Kevin threw the tennis ball up + then it was like he turned into our bedder-½. Dad started playing around doing karate kicks + rough-housing, then he got sorta violent + kicked her knees in really hard + she buckled to the ground, so we ran down + started yelling at him. He said he was just playing around + we said it was intentional, that he assaulted her + to never touch her ever again or else. Our bedder-½ said she was leaving + we said we were both leaving + never coming back. 

Later on in the night we were getting new IDs that we both had to reschedule cuz we missed the appointment, like in the factory where they actually maid them. They was calling out names alphabetically + it was taking a while... our bedder-½ got hers (F) but they was still calling Gs + Hs so we was reading sumthing, spacing out. Next thing we know they said they was done for the day. We aksed our bedder-½ if they called White + she said yes + she was wondering why we didn’t respond + we was aksing why she din't tell us. So we go up to the guy + said we was White but he said sorry, it was too late, dat we'd halve to do it over again mañana. Then he said "hold on, I've got an idea" + radioed a message to aks the production supervisor. They talked a while on walkie-talkies then when he got off said "we’re gunna try, we've never done this so don't know if it will work."

April 7, 2020, DC> last night we was a wedding organizer in Σum Asian country. We had no clue what we were doing + din’t even speak the language. There was a long elaborate bridal train/procession that we had to coordinate passing thru a crowded market. We got to these spiral stairs + got blocked, had to stand in a Q. The wedding reception was on the top floor + folks in line seemed to resent the wedding party people as decadent elitists. If we tried to get by or say we was going up they would say “well la di dah, aren’t we all?” We told 1 woman we was the wedding planner + she said we shd be up there, that we should say sumping, but we din’t speak the language + din’t want to attract attention to ourself. 

> Then we was walking along railroad tracks + there were these crazy hill-billies driving by in a beat-up pickup. They stopped to harass some family out for a walk + we noticed 1 of them had a gun so we yelled to the family. The guy (wearing overalls + a straw hat) said it was just a toy + tried to do that military twirl + dropped the rifle + it went off + the family started screaming + the hill-billy said he was just joking. We started to run, trying to find places to take cover, but it was like once we started to run, it turned it into a sport for him to try to hunt us, so he took chase, taking pot shots at us. We was able to trick him + hide, then jumped on top of him + made him cry uncle. That was all we needed to do... we didn’t call the police or take the gun away. 

> Then we was at the beach w/ sum ppl, don’t really remember who they were but evidently we knew them in the dream. There were also train tracks dat ran along the beach. We had been w/ Kevin earlier but he went to go do something + we agreed to meat up later. We were on the same flight about 5 hours later so figured we shd touch base, but our phone was all weird + we couldn’t figure out how to text him. All the screens had been rearranged + auto-updated w/o us asking + there were all these emoticons + alternate gimmicky things like 3-d analog buttons skeumorphed to make it seem retro. We were wasting a lot of time trying to figure the new phone interface out, navigating thru the screens, then figured we should just call but we couldn’t find the green call button anywhere. Eventually this guy we were with was like, shouldn’t u call your brother? And we said we was trying, but there was no call button. He was messing around w/ our phone + couldn’t figure it out either... we figured worse came to worse Kevin would just take the train to the airport + meet us there. 

9 April 2020> Last night we were sitting in a row of plastic chairs outside of a blood bank in some mall complex (weird how a lot of our dreams take place in malls + we haven't been to 1 in decades), not cuz we were giving blood but just cuz it was a place to sit. There was some sort of class/seminar across the way + the teacher came out + started ranting + raving, about nothing in particular but about how people were always late + din’t have no respect, like he was taking it personally, being self-deprecating + saying what's the point of ∃xistence. He wasn’t looking or directing any comments at us but we assumed it meant we were in his class so quickly scrambled over, not even checking our syllabus to verify this was the case. We apologized to him + said we thought it started at 11:00, not 10:00, even tho it was 9:57. There was only 5-8 people taking the class + they were still getting coffee + waiting for the bathroom so we figured we’d go too. There was a poster of Yogi Beyor, spelled that way + we were thinking Jess shd call us Beyor, instead of Bayor.

13 April 2020> We went to a party w/ Kevin last night. We went straight down to the basement to put our jackets away, into a windowless room where some artist friend of Kevin's was listening to mellow music + making art. Kevin lingered + wanted to hang out down there + not go up the party. We heard some of our cousins + friends whom we hadn't seen in forever were there, so wandered up the stairs on our own looking for where the party was. We were still wearing our dumpy down coat cuz all we had on underneath was a T-shirt + onion-skin running shorts (we had been working out earlier at a gym w/our bedder-½). We tried to go up sum stairs + a bouncer told us it was a private area, so we just went down + hung out w/ our dead brother doing nothing.

14 April> Later that night while we were sleeping it was like a film where 2 legless bodies were trying to get away from this guy that was trying to hurt them. One of the amputees was played by Peter Dinklage. He climbed up one of those rope ladders to a crow’s nest + right when he got to the top the camera zoomed in while there was a dramatic pause + he lifted his finger to his mouth then threw his head back + cackled as if he was having a revelation of what trick to do next to fend of the evil pursuer (who had legs). It was terrible acting, but excusable since it was one of his early films. When he got up to the crow's nest platform he stretched into a down-dog + when he came out of it he had turned into a cat.

15 April> Then we were at some event, maybe a memorial, but we don’t know who died + it wasn’t somber + Thom Yorke was speaking at it. We couldn’t believe our friend's (who weren't even familiar w/ his music) got Thom Yorke to speak at their event + we were thinking of what we could say to him after + all we could think of was to ask if they planned out their time signatures, or whether they just happened naturally. So we ended up not going up to him. The event was on this big outdoor lawn, seemed like our friend's (L+L) place in Kenya + there was this ferret that stole the flower off a bird of paradise. Earlier Leadbelly was wondering who was stealing her birds of paradise. So we chased the ferret into this hole next to the kitchen sink + a cat ran after the ferret. We heard a commotion + looked in there + all these animals were picking on a black duck. So we shooed them away + crawled in + got the duck out + took it out on the back lawn + set it down + tried to soothe it + bring it’s heart-rate down + see if it needed medical attention. Their German shepherd Tembo came up so we stayed hunkered over the duck (who at this point were very fond of), hugging it to protect it.

16 April> Then there was some sort of social unrest (religious in nature + we'd become Buddhist so felt somewhat involved) that turned violent, people fighting in the streets. We got outside of the gates of the medieval city + there were mounted royal police on horseback, but they were waiting outside the gates, waiting for the fighting to die down until they went in, so they didn’t need to jeopardize themselves. Around the corner was another unit of military on horseback, also stalling for time before they had to get involved. We went back thru the gates to see what was going on. The 2 factions decided to solve this with hand-to-hand combat between 2 chosen men. They were in a sort of large ring, 1 guy was massive, the size of 2-story house, Germanic looking, but dressed sort of as Sumo wrestler + he had one of those blocks orthodox Jews wear (except it was triangular) strapped to his forehead. The other guy was this little puny guy, about the size of the guys toe. The large Germanic Sumo guy dove straight up into the air + came crashing down into the ground on his head, the block on his forehead being squashed down flat, in this thundering display of power. There was a glowing arrow on his back that measured his effectiveness. The little guy’s response was subtle but managed to shrink the guy’s arrow + also enlarge his just enough that it appeared he won. The judge was tallying up the results but not looking at the arrows + we were trying to argue the little guy’s case + they told us not to interfere. So we stepped back outside + told people what was going on inside.

20 April> Anoche had a knight mare (coinsidedance that both night + mare allude to horses?) that we were hiking sum trail + came across a guy that had all these grizzly bear paws laying around like he'd been hunting them + was talking how there had bin an attack nearby, so we got all paranoid thinking the grizzlies wd take vengeance against all humuns. Then we were at db's (friend of ours w/ cancer that that just before the lockdown we went out to dinner with + made plans to go hiking but obviously that's not happening now) + was aksing her how to hike sum trail (a leg of the Appalachian) + she gave us a handrawn map but also acted like maps were for woosies + that we shd discover the route for our self. So we set off + was running in the intrest of time cuz it was getting dark (8 pm) + also cuz we was afraid of bears + we ended up on this "trail" 1st thru a bad part of an inner city + then thru a museum until we ended up down a long dead-end hall + had to turn back + go the way we came.

21 April 2020> We were staying at a fancy hotel + Obama was the bellboy... evidently he’d always wanted to be a bellboy + being president allowed him to fulfill this dream. He spent about 10 minutes showing us the ins + outs to our room + the secret gifts they'd left us. When it came time to tip him we reached in our pocket but didn't have anything but then our bedder-½ handed him something. We told him that it was an honor to meet him + our bedder-½ rolled her eyes at us like we was a starstruck kiss-ass. Then Gian, Blake + Molly came to visit us in our room, we tried to tell 'em about how Obama was our bellboy but they weren’t intrested, they only wanted food. We gave them a baguette + cheese + they devoured it like they were starving. Then we went out in sum open Piazza (felt like Venice) + a homeless guy was asking us for $1 + we ignored him but then 10 seconds later we found a rolled up wad of $8 we recognized, that we found before + gave to another homeless person (cuz we’re superstitious about keeping money that we find) so we went back to the guy + tried to give it to him but he wouldn’t touch it, said he just wanted $1, not $8 + just so he didn’t think he was a charity case we said it was $8 we found the day before so wasn’t ours + we tried to give it to another person but evidently they didn’t want it + this made it seem more suspicious (cuz of COVID) so the guy didn’t want even $1, so we dropped it back on the ground + went to find a place to wash our hands.

Later we were driving in a car w/ our dad (who died 38 yrs ago) across a stone bridge + there was this stunning view of Mt Hood, almost like it was built in to this medieval castle, which the bridge was a part of + we were driving right up to it. The scene was otherworldly, like science fiction. We commented how just a few days ago there was tons of snow on Mt Hood + now there was hardly any. We saw our mom + she was dressed 50s + getting into an old Chevy. She took off her Birkenstocks + put on old brogues + hid the Birkenstocks cuz she was embarrassed she had them.

22 April> Like the night before (when Obama was our bellboy), we were living in a huge luxury condo/hotel that was attached to a mall. We lived there permanently in a condo, but there was another guy in the glass elevator going down that was all geeked out looking out + taking photos so we asked if he was staying at the hotel  + he said no, that he was just "checking it out." We felt like saying “it’s just a fucking mall!” but bit our tongue, no sense in not letting the guy enjoy his moment. Then we remembered about COVID + wondered why we were in the same elevator w/ him, why they didn’t have a 1 person at a time rule in place. We took the elevator cuz we had our bike (which we had to pop the front wheel up to fit), but quickly got off + took the stairs carrying our bike (figured it was part of our workout) but there were tons of people in the stairwell walking up + down apparently just for exorcise. We got down into the mall where it sort of went outdoors, but then it was like this massive rubberized track + everyone was walking in different lanes, going in circles, for as far as the eye could see, some laned circles looping into figure-8s, reminding us of a fractal version of Man Ray's "Dust Breeding".

Sum of the lanes continued along a beach, felt like Miami, sleezey people in bikinis + rollberblading, but there were also a lot of pear-shaped (as Robert Lopez calls them) people, squat + round + of various skin tones + drab clothes that were trudging along like zombies, not at all practicing social distancing cuz they didn’t care... they either felt they were superhumun + wouldn’t get sick or were too busy getting on with life to worry about losing their life to a silly disease... it was survival of the fittest! At least this is what we were thinking, nobody was talking. Everyone was just “exorcising” in this sprawling dystopian complex of rubberized tracks that ran along train tracks + beyond that industrial wasteland that felt like São Paulo (tho we’ve never been) + we too were just out for exorcise (our bedder-½ stayed back in the apartment cuz she thought the health risks outweighed the benefits). We saw an open field w/ a few ppl playing soccer + tried to get off the track to get to it (we had lost the bike at some point). We crossed the railroad track + then a train came blaring it’s horn at us. We tried to retreat but a latch of our backpack got caught so we hugged the fence barely avoiding getting hit. We unlatched ourself + looked at the fence topped with barb-wire that we had to climb while these trains were coming 1 after the other non-stop but it seemed too dangerous, so we retreated back to the track. Then we saw Kevin (that makes the 3rd dead person appearing in our past 3 dreams) running + we yelled that we were 6 feet behind him, in the same lane (the outer #8). We were holding a conversation while jogging, 6 feet apart from each other + this douchebag guy ran right by us ½ in our lane, almost brushing Kevin’s shoulder + Kevin started yelling at the guy that he wasn’t practicing social distancing + they were in a shouting match getting in each other’s faces + we were trying to get Kevin to admit he started it, just to stop it, cuz this was worse than what they were arguing about (as far as spreading airborne particles), but Kevin was arguing about the “principle of it.” The guy handed me an uncooked meatball + we held it awkwardly like what are we sposed to do w/ it? then remembered about COVID + tried to give it back but he didn’t want it so we rolled the raw meatball on the floor towards the elevator + kept reminding ourself to not touch our face + to get somewhere to wash our hands. 

27 April 2020> We were in a hotel in Chile about to go out when we were told we needid to return our room, but not told why, just that the government had ordered it. So we went back + abided like we were told. It got dark + late so we went to bed, wondering if they’d ever come. As we were sleeping we saw the curtains to our outdoor patio close (we left the sliding door wide open), but no 1 knocked or said nothing, so we just assumed dat meant they were letting us know they were there surveilling or guarding us. We got up the next morning + purposely made noise so they'd know we were up but no 1 came so we peeked out + way off to the side these 3 guys in plain clothes were chilling out in an open air jeep (unmarked). 1 of them motioned for us to come over. They acted casual like we was old friends, but wouldn’t tell us what was going on. We asked why we were detained + the undercover agent just mumbled sumping about how we’d crossed back + forth from Argentina to Chile 3 times in the last decade. We aksed if dat was a lot, said we din’t think dat was out of the ordinary. We said the only reason we came to Chile 3 times was cuz our bother lived just across the border in San Martin de Los—but they agent interrupted us before we could even finish our sentence + said “San Martin de los Andes” exactly as we had pronounced it (except in an exaggerated Spanish accent), acting like we had mispronounced it. We looked at him like what the fuck + he said “just saying…” We assumed they knew everything about us so there was no point in even talking so we just kind of sat there in silence, sitting in the backseat of their jeep w/ them. At sum point they went over our future travel plans, where we had planned to go next + we said “we decided to just cancel our trip cuz this of all this bullshit.”
         The agent rolled his eyes like we were being mellowdramatic, “there’s no need for that.”
         “So are we free to go?”
         He said “yah, u were always free to go.” But they were still loitering around surveilling us + we were thinking what a waste of money it was, to have these 3 guys follow us around everywhere we went + was thinking how unsustainable it was that for every 1 person u had to have at least 1 person surveilling + who was surveilling them?

28 April> We went into a restraunt + there were dozens of sweaty young kids with their shirts off. Apparently the restraunt’s policy was "no sweaty shirts," so this team of athletes that had just worked out found a loophole by just taking off their shirts. We were sposed to meet someone there to eat but needless to say we lost our apetit.

2 May> A few nights ago we were at a writer's workshop on a boat off the Amalfi Coast + we were reading a new Gari Lutz collection that she dedicated to "my student 'Mood' Maud Newton" + in the dream we had no idea who Mood or Maud Newton was nor did we when we woke up til we thawt about it for a sec + remembered ...

Elsewhere in the above mentioned dream we were informed dat the Italian military occupied the most beautiful islands for themselves. We rode by 1 + looked for a loophole to get on it, by going thru a hole under a wave, backwards thru the curl + the waves incidentally were massive, like 100 feet tall + we were bodysurfing on 1 of them trying to get into the curl + down the hole but were picked up on top of the wave peak + about to crash down straight down onto the beach when we woke up.

10 May 2020> Last night we were watching a hockey game + there was only a few seconds left + the team that was down by 1 had 3 players swooping in on the net full speed from diffrent angles, but rather than attempt a shot on goal they exploited a little-known rule where if 3 players placed pucks at the exact same time in these 3 spots of a diamond design right in front of the goal then they would win:

We thought this was ridiculous cuz 1st of all if the 3 players were able to simultaneously place 3 pucks in circles the size of the pucks they could have easily scored the conventional way (hitting it into the net), tho the goalie was not expecting them to do this, so there was the element of souprize. We was also bothered by the lack of symmetry, how it was 3 out of the 4 corners + in our mind would have been more of an elegant loophole if it was a triangle... mind u, in reality don't think we've ever watched an entire hockey game. Not that we don't like hockey, there's just sumping unsettling about it, like if we was the dude w/ the puck we would just want to get rid of it quick as possible before we got body slammed. And it's also hard to keep your eye on the puck. It wasn't til they showed it close up in slo-mo on instant replay that we could see the 3-pucks in the diamond.

17 May 2020> Last night we were going thru underground passages trying to find the group of people we was with. After bumping into other isolated groups in janky cavernous dens we found our quarters but only our guide was there, the rest had gone ahead to our next destination. So we were gathering our things + it was taking forever... there was all this junk + we were trying to d-side what was worth taking + getting everything jury-rigged so it would be easy to carry, using this convoluted system of straps made out of vines + corn husks to attach things to this pack-frame contraption we could carry things with inklooting the materials used to make the frame itself. Our guide was patiently waiting + we couldn't manage to complete the simplest tasks like tying our shoes. We were in the streets now, in some place that felt like Guatemala. We were tying our shoelaces like how they do in movies, as an excuse to stall for time to spy on people. Finally we started walking + everything we had rigged collapsed so we said fuck it + kept going just carrying this framed cross on our shoulder + our guide was laughing at us like we was a hill-billy Jesus + asked where our backpack was + we realized we left it so we ran back + was panicking cuz everything of importance was in this main backpack + it wasn't where we left it.

20 May 2020> Similar to our dream from a few nights ago (+ elsetime in the past), we we're running around trying to find our "group" who ran off ahead, this time thru some museum complex into a movie theatre. We didn't know many people in the group except our bedder-½ + walking into the theatre we couldn't see so well + others in the movie were annoyed at us squinting back at them, they thought we was just looking for an available seat + pointed to an open area which didn't have seats actually but u laid down on the floor in beanbags... but we couldn't get comfortable cuz what if the members of our tribe didn't go into this theatre? Also, when they ran off ahead we thought we saw one of them leave a bag behind so we grabbed it + now we was thinking if it wasn't them then we stole a bag + people might be after us for stealing this bag, so we went from being abandoned to being persecuted. So we left the theatre + looked around more + then it occurred to us we could just use our phone, this was 2020, we weren't in the 80s or 90s! But we were having a hard time using our phone, actually we were having a hard time doing anything, just getting up off the floor, it was like gravity was all fucked up. People were laughing at us like we were drunk even though we weren't.

In our bedder-½'s dream she tells us we were in the business of buying + selling babies.

26 May 2020> Last night we were getting a visa to go to Mexico, everything in some dingy office was in disarray + abandoned except for a guy who evidently was our co-worker. We was saying dat you’d think they’d have their shit together considering how menny people crossed thru this border + was telling him how we used to live in Tucson + cross the border to work in Mexico every day + how they startid to get to know us + would just wave us thru. We were walking to our job site, sum sorta fallow field dat needed to be cleared. We stood looking at it from the banks of a ditch—everything was burned out + smoldering w/ spilled oil, total wasteland. He pointed out some elk-like animal + called it an African deer (evidently we were in Africa now) + we said "yah, another 1 of those dik-dik things" + then lamented how we would have brought gaiters if we knew what kind of job this would be. We was wearing tennis shoes + no socks + there were lots of thorns + snakes, etc. + we was staring at the elk as if we were watching it on sum nature show or dat scene in Deer Hunter (1978).

9 June 2020> After a double-date sleepover (we was the wingman) last night we was waiting for this guy to pull the car out of the garage so we could get in + there was this old grumpy famous guy who was getting pissed off at how this guy was driving + he was like "outta the way, I’ll show u whipper snappers how it’s done!” + we knew exactly what that meant + was trying to tell the guys in the garage not to give him the keys but evidently he was an important man of power they all feared so they did + the old geezer got in + sure enough, he pulled the car out + like Henry Fonda in On Golden Pond started losing control + panicking, making it worse, ramming into other cars + those cars started rolling down the steep driveway in a chain reaction hitting other cars. One of the other guys in a suped out Lincoln Continental tried to drive down + block the old man which we thought was dumb cuz he’d only wreck that car too, that u shd park above in a situation like this, not downstream.

11 June 2020> We rented a long-term apartment in Aspen last night, don't remember much beyond that. 

25 June 2020> Wint for an overnight hike last night, not shore what we was thinking, for starters we got a late start. we kept running into folks we knew + no 1 was wearing masks + every 1 was talking animately in our face + we wanted to aks "is no 1 watching the stats?" how the COVID #s are rising. we came to a wall dat was on the trail/road we was on, annoyed dat it was blocking the way so we climbed over, sliding down a tiled roof + dropping to the ground, remembering as we fell about our heel + how we shouldn't be walking let alone jumping over fences. we landed in a sports club, there were all these pools + activities + the majority of clientele were Mexikin kids + we was thinking (reflecting on our childhood in Mexico when we belonged to such a club) it wasn't cuz they were rich but cuz they just knew how to enjoy themselves + we was wondering how come we din't belong to such a club now. we had on our clothes + it was already 7 pm + we hadn't even gone dat far otherwise we might of stopped to enjoy ourselves at this here club we'd snuck into. we made for the exit, which was this weird turnstile contraption u had to squeeze your body thru + then went thru security wich we thought was really weird dat we had to do this on the way out.... we thought maybe they wanted to check if people stole stuff, but what was there to steal? + if they were checking on the way out to see if folks was members or not, what wd they do, kick u out? we went thru the metal detector + then the guy aksed us to empty our pockets into this bucket but the bucket had water in it so we said no way, dat this seamed unsanitary + hazardous in this day + age. he inspected what we had in our hands + said not to worry + then the supervisor came over + just as he was about to let us go she checked our back pocket + found a puzzle + said she was going to keep it + we was still annoyed no 1 was wearing masks + they was getting really close to us in our face + they was sposed to be "security" guards but they were endangering us + now taking away our harmless puzzle (a kiddie puzzle of Mona Lisa whose pieces we had scrambled so they appeared in diffrent order). when we said something to the supervisor woman she said she not to worry, she wasn't gunna take it away, she was gunna throw it out + send us a new 1 since we already did this 1 but we said we wantid the completed version for a project we were working on. she gave us back the puzzle + we was gathering our things back into our bag dat we had hastily packed + then looked for our phone + realized we forgot to bring it + was thinking we had to go back now cuz if our bedder-½ din't hear from us she wd worry, but really we was just looking for an excuse as sleeping in our one bed soundid like more fun (not to mention safer) + we weren't prepared + hadn't even gone dat far away from home anyway.

30 June 2020> We were travelling through France by train last night, trying to sleep on a train that felt more like a local commuter train. We got to Paris and went outside + it was totally desolate + then it started to rain so we retreated back into the station. We laid on a bench cuz we really just wanted to get some sleep, but the bench was at a slant + we kept sliding twards these 2 guys who were having a conversation about a guy named Derek White so we eavesdropped + apparently the Derek White they were talking about was a black cop. We went back up to our bedder-½ + she said those guys are talking about u + we told her it was another Derek White + then said we shd move to a bench not on a slant. There was a Japanese cop w/ a machine gun near that bench + this guy went up to him, flirting + went to kiss him + grabbed the gun + pointed it in the direction we was sitting but over our shoulder. Then he let go + just said he was trying to illustrate a point. Then the guard w/ the machine gun ran over + kneeled on me so he could aim his machine gun over the top of the bench we were sleeping on + he was all hysterical, saying “oh my god!” Every 1 was pointing + all excited + we aksed the guy what it was every 1 was making a fuss about + he said “It’s Nancy Raygun! I’ve always been in love with Nancy Raygun.” We was about to say we never could stand Nancy Raygun but figgered it wouldn’t be wise considering this guy was kneeling on top of us w/ a gun (still pointed at Nancy). Then it was like Nancy Raygun was being interviewed by the media + all we herd was "I don’t know about you all, but I make my own butter."

A few hours later we got on a train that ended up being an amusement park ride going on sum rails straight up. We was stuffing our face w/ jelly beans + 1 fell onto the seat but we couldn’t reach it cuz we had the safety belt on + the jelly bean was bouncing + sliding on the seat twards the little girl next to us. Then we rounded the top + plunged straight down. We wasn’t scared at all, was just being analytic like this is what gravity/freefall feels like. We fell for quite a while, reaching terminal velocity, then thru some tree tops + came to a stop. We was wearing a hat + had to really hang onto it + was thinking this is where the saying "hang on to your hat" comes from.

30 July 2020> Weave bin dreaming the last few nights we can't just rem-ember, or articulate 'em into words. Last night we spent a lot of time waiting for trains in strange places that usually din't reassemble real-world places, w/ lots of weird creatures that din't reassemble animals from this planit, or were recognizable critters morphing into deformed states. 1 train finally came, but it wasn't for picking up passengers, it was only for collecting garbage, so folks would wait w/ their bags + throw the garbage into chutes when the train pulled up momentarily. We dreamt this probly cuz we saw Spirit of the Beehive (1973) recently + there's that scene where she waits for the train onely to deposit a letter into the mail slot on the side of the train car.

16 Aug 2020> Picked up some virus in Mexico a few days ago that laid us up for 2 days in a hotel room not sure where, seemed like California. Our bedder-½ went to work + we was sleeping it off. There was some modem contraption thing making noise that was bothering us so we slapped it away but it severed the cord + there were loose wires both positive + negative that we was afraid would arc + short out or electrocute us cuz it was still plugged in so we unplugged it. Then we woke up still all groggy + there was a perky redhead in our room + we aksed who the hell she was + she said the Comcast girl. She sat on the bed while we was sleeping, like she knew us. We told her how we wasn't feeling so hot + aksed when she wanted to fix it + she said now, that we could go get a new box. We tried to hint that we needed to get up + put our pants on but she just sat there all bright-eyed + bushy tailed. So we quickly got up + put our pants on (we saw Mr. Klein w/ Alain Delon the other night which had a similar scene). We left the room but couldn’t lock it + wanted to make sure our bedder-½ could get in when she came back. We called the front desk but couldn’t understand what they were saying + it seemed unnessysorrily confusing, dat we weren’t allowed to lock the doors + we was really confused cuz it seemed normally folk leave their rooms + they automatically lock but then we was thinking we din’t want our bedder-½ locked out so maybe it was bedder this way, but the principle of it seemed absurd. We was on our way to the front office to clarify the situation when we ran into our mom, she looked great, all young, her hair dyed brown. We told her she looked great + she just walked by all happy + confident with herself. There was some other people meeting us there, our brother + cousins we din’t know or barely knew. She greeted them + then saw the red-head comcast girl + we would of introduced her but dint know her name, but our mom already boldly took initiative + introduced herself as "Derek's mom" + the Comcast girl said her name was Jessica + my mom pulled her halter top down to look at her boobs but she was wearing a bikini top beneath the halter top. We told her this isn’t THE Jessica + they just laughed + our mom kept inspecting her boobs. This is just the Comcast girl we said.

20 Aug> Last night we were travelling somewhere maybe Europe + we was in the bathroom when this woman (in uniform) came up to us + demanded to see our passport + we handed it to her + without looking at it she said she was confiscating it cuz we'd been to a Muslim country twice w/ this passport + we was questioning her, saying how did she know where we was + how would we get back to the U.S., then we aksed to see her identification, that we needed to take down her badge # if she was gonna take mine, or get a receipt of some sort, but she wouldn’t. This other young guy came in + helped us keep her from leaving while we found a paper + pen to write down her name + badge #. She started panicking as we told her that she would lose her job once we reported this then we’d both be fucked, all for what? We started to get meaner, saying do u know what it’s like to lose your identity, to be stranded without a passport? And she started crying + buckled down to the floor. We grabbed our passport back + said she would have bad karma as if this was the worst insult imaginable, then wondered if she was Muslim + if this was inappropriate to say. Then we noticed she had crutches + the other young guy was helping her so we helped her get up + felt kind of bad for making her cry.

1 Sept 2020> We were with a co-worker travelling somewhere + were getting onto the SFO air-tram or BART when Kevin [our dead brother] came in w/ a box in his hand + we was like hey! + he just said "hey" like he saw us yesterday + we introduced him to our co-worker whose name we din’t remember so it was awkward. We aksed why he was in San Fran if he lived in L.A. + he said he was going to the post office.

20 Sept 2020> Last night we were on a field trip to some factory/school in Mexico. We were with a group of 30 or so ppl we didn't know, tagging along in back. The leader was consulting a map + stopped + told us to go back + up these stairs which required going thru security so we stood in line 1st + some others in our group were behind me. We went thru + they were detaining a black guy but let us through w/ hardly a cursory glance which bothered us. We waited for the next person in our group to come thru to tell them but nobody we recognized came along, just other people that went thru security + continued on their merry way. So we exited back out to look for this group but we didn't remember what any of them looked like. We wandered around this strange industrial building looking for this group we were sposed to be a part of... poked our head thru various doors which usually had random stuff going on + nobody resembling any 1 in our group. We went in 1 door that had all these exhibits on the history of butcherism, so it occurred to us we were in a slaughterhouse, but really it was like a slaughterhouse school as there didn't seem to be any actual animals in there. We saw these 2 girls + 1 of them said "hey Derek" + casually started talking to us. We asked if they were part of our tour group + they looked puzzled so we said "u look familiar, where do i know u from?" They looked hurt at 1st that we didn't recognize them then started to sing some jingle about cavemen + we were like "South Dakota?" We apologized for not recognizing them, explained how we got lost from our group + how we were terrible w/ faces, might even have face blindness + we're chatting w/ these 2 girls saying how weird this all was when 1 of the guys in the group spots us + to him it looks like we just left the tour to chat w/ these girls. We started to introduce him + explain but it was too complicated + awkward. He took us back to a bar where the rest of the group was just hanging out giving us the cold shoulder, like we had abandoned them.

3 Oct 2020> Last night we were summonsed to go to a prison in upstate New York, we had no idea what for. So we went up there + checked in at the front desk + told her we were told to report there. She asked our info + looked us up + said to our bedder-½, “it says here to call your dad.” Our bedder-½ was starting to get mad, like “why did we need to come up all the way up here just to be told that?” + we was a bit disappointed cuz by this point we were curious to experience what it would be like to do time in jail. Then the prison clerk said, reading from her monitor, “actually, your father is right over there” + sure enough, our bedder ½’s father was at another counter chatting it up w/ the guards. We went over to find out what was going on + ends up her dad had reported her mom missing, but then she appeared a day or 2 later but they never updated the system, which is why he also had to go all the way up there to straighten this mess out.  

27 Oct 2020> Last night we were sposed to go thru sum sort of initiation rite by jumping off a cliff into a lake below. When we got to the top Thurston Moore was already up there, buck naked + howling at the moon like a mad man. We din’t realize we was sposed to do this naked so we took off our clothes. He told us to go 1st + he would follow so we stepped up to the edge. We could see Kim Gordon below by the lake so was sorta self-conscious, but we jumped. We lingered in the lake after jumping, not wanting to get out… realizing we had to hike all the way back up to get our clothes. Thurston Moore was taking forever. Some hipsters came along + Kim Gordon told 'em they couldn’t party yet cuz Thurston hadn't completed his initiation + they acted annoyed, like she was controlling him. Finally Thurston showed up, fully clothed, strolling down to the edge of the lake. He said he knew what he wanted to do for his initiation + pointed to some Viking girl in a magazine + said "i wanna do her!' + Kim Gordon got all annoyed + we was giving him shit for not jumping, "what happened dude, did u chicken out?" He said he was staring at the sky + just got lost + spaced out.

Oct 31> Last night we was sposed to meet our bedder-½ on a train. We was early so was taking the garbage out. We saw our friends on the train and they said our bedder-½ wasn’t there yet. We went to go take the empty cart back that we was using to haul the garbage. To get off + on this train you had to walk thru another train. We pushed the cart onto the platform + then started walking back when this in-between train started moving + they shut the door connecting to the train we was supposed to be on. We was trying to find the conductor + was saying they needed to stop the train + a passenger laughed + said, "they can’t stop the train once it starts." A woman handed us her phone so we could text our bedder-½ but the # + letter selection on the small screen was like those morphing word clouds where the letters moved around so hitting a letter or # was like hitting a moving target that u didn’t know where it would come up from. So we gave up + handed the phone back. We walked to the front of the train trying to find the conductor to figure out what we should do, if we could get off at the next station to switch to the other train, but evidently the train we was sposed to be on was a direct train that didn’t stop. 

11/24/2020> We ain't logged a nocturnal emission in a while, last night think we dreamt we was trying to log a dream, but mostly they're just little snapshots here + there that can't be put in words + seams most every dream this year involves public encounters w/ folks not wearing masks... we imagine most folks are having this nightmare lately?

11/26/2020> Last night we were going to a restraunt + there was this massive spider web blocking the entrance that we had to navigate to get in, but we became so fascinated by the web that we didn't go in. There was a massive black widow that was solid red, like the hour glass comprised her entire body. Then dozens of flies hit the web all at once + all these other smaller black spiders ran over + started wrapping 'em up. At first we figured they were parasitic free-loaders taking advantage of the massive web... the big red female ran over to them + we thought she was gonna kill them but it appeared she was just taking a sip of each fly, like she had outsourced these little males to do her dirty work + she was taking her cut, a kickback tax of sorts... we know there's pseudo-social spider species that form colonies, but w/ a black widows as queen? What does it mean?

12/06/2020> Last night we was @ some sorta resort + went to use the gym + all the equipment was really weird + hard to figger out. We was on sum sorta contrived + complicated elliptical contraption that was way off the ground w/ small sloping pedals that seemed broken + that could potentially be really dangerous. Our view out the gym was of a beautiful beach so we was thinking why not just run barefoot on the beach but we had a trainer that was tasking us w/ certain exorcises + guess we was thinking it's good to mix things up + do diffrent types of exorcises since we can always just run. Then we was trying to do some lat pulldown thing that was out rusting on the beach but there was this annoying family that parked themselves right near the equipment + the kids was playing under it. So we moved to this other piece of equipment like a Smith machine but we needed a pin or sumpin to get it to work so we went to get the pin + when we came back there was some douchebag guy taking a shower in it + we said excuse me we was using that + that the Smith machine wasn't for taking a shower but exorcising but he didn't budge, just gave us a look like fuck off. Can't remember what we did after that, guess we just gave up w/out exorcising.

30 Dec 2020> Dreamt we heard a doorbell + someone saying "delivery" but don't remember the rest of the dream. IRL we don't have a doorbell + didn't have the alarm set, but we woke up + looked at the clock + it was 5:59 + we have a Fresh Direct delivery scheduled for 6:00–9:00 (not here yet)... that's how good our internal clock is. We happen to be reading The Order of Time by Carlo Rovelli (found it in a book box) + there's a part where he talks about how a clock in the mountains runs faster than a clock on the seashore, or how time runs faster on a train or airplane compared to someone sedentary at home, but per Einstein it's pointless to make such comparisons cuz it's all relative. And what about dream time versus waking time? The book's a bit hokey @ times + dumbed down for a general audience but interesting so far.


835 <(current)> 837> Welcome to the rivery jungle, moving pictures + the ever-ch-ch-changing water way of 2021
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