Dragonflies Anonymous! = UX


8/29/22> U blogd a bit about Michael Pollan's book How 2 Change Yr Mind a few posts ago ... ⊕ rather, U let OpenAis' GPT-3 guestblog abt iT, but they din't say much B-yond cannd verbiage gleaned from Inurnet, s0 thi5 post will eXp& on thi5 psychedelic brain rewiring how2, yr one UX (User eXperience)(+U/i dub-Ls az User interface in thi5 how2 User Guide dat = 5cense) > U/i = 55 + in answer 2 hendriX's «R U/i eXperienced?» th answer = nO ... until a few months agO > thi5 may come az 5hock 2 them dat read R blog/books ⊕ listen 2 Sound Furies ... 55 revolutions around th son + U/i've nvr had eXperience w/ drugs B-sides alcohol + occassional cannabis > but cycledelics halve always bin sumthing U/i've bin intrested in, iF U/i were gonna try sumthing ... ⊕ @ least 5hrooms, but th opportunity has nvr risen > th few times iT = offered 2 U just dint coinside w/ curiousity 2 try it ... ≈ th time mom offered U/i peyote when U/i ≈ 13, just din't seam fun doing peyote R mom gave U/i, but U/i remember stairing @ th little succulent buttins w/ fascin8ion > LSD always 5ounded 5cary 2 U/i b/c 4 starters iT = 5ynthetic + #2) th likes of Charlie Manson gave iT bad rap > a few yrs ag0 U/i saw docUmentary abt Cary Grant + his sessions w/ LSD + it maid U/i curious > az Pollan points out in his book, psychedelics have a lot of therapeutic potential dat has naught bin tapped in2 b/c of how hippies tarnished iT w/ their irresponsible recre8ional use > sum re5earch was done w/ LSD (or LDS az U/i call iT hear in previous posts) in2 th therapeutic val-U of LSD + in fact, Bill Wilson, co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous, credits LSD w/ curing hymn back in th '50s (of not just alcoholism, but underlying D-pression) + th 2nd step (of 12) abt B-lieving dat «a power greater than ourselves could restore us 2 sanity» actually = in refrence 2 LSD ... but th other membrs sanitized thi5 «spiritual awakening» message in2 th bull5hit 3rd step abt submitting 2 «goD» > + 4 those who say curing alcoholism w/ LDS = just replacing 1 drug w/ another, keep in mind dat LSD ≠ addictive + dozent lead 2 habitual use (unless U/i = member of Manson's clan) or do iT just 4 recre8ion, but under rite conditions can in-deus permanent B-havioral change

> in N-E event, U/i 5till halve nO 1st h& User eXperience w/ LDS so can't vouch 4 it B-yond what U/i've red ⊕ seen + 5ince R bedder-½ = writing a book on L8 '60s counterculture iT's bin on R mined sum L8ly (4 eggsample, see post #1023) > 1 good thing dat happend in D.C. during th p&emic = they D-criminalized psilocybin > Gian used 2 always preach abt therapeutic properties of 5hroom micrO-dosing 4 his cluster headaches + now 5tudies R coming out 2 back G up > U/i don't get cluster headaches, but U/i do get vestibular migraines associ8ed w/ R mineareyes D-Z s0 a few months U/i d-sided 2 try micrO-dosing 2 C iF they helped > 5ince U/i were «buying» magic mu5hrooms U/i figured Y naught also get sum THC gummies (th way iT works in D.C. = U give a don8ion + then U git a «gift» 4 R don8ion) > then 1 week or 2 after U/i tried micrOdosing on 5hrooms U/i OD'd on THC (witch U/i sorta went in2 in post #1013 but perhaps 1 day U'll elabor8 more on... suffice 2 say iT confirmed R aversion 2 cannabis, witch from R LTD eXperience halve not discerned N-E benefits Xcept 4 pain releaf when U/i had issues w/ R sholder), leaving a bad taste in R mouth + made U/i 5wear off naught onely all drugs but alcohol 2 ... witch lasted abt 2-3 months > dat 1st time U/i tried 5hrooms U/i = very cautious + onely took 1 sQuare (of 15) + hardly felt th FX eXcept iT made U/i feel good + halve a bedder outlook on things (until th bad THC trip ruined dat) > but after 2-3 months of «sobriety» U/i started 2 fall back in2 these old habits, nothing serious, but even drinking 1 bot-L of wine fuX w/ R 5leep + tends 2 trigger these vestibular migraines > mind U, U/i have hystery of addiction in R family—R mom = pothead, R brother died of a herion OD + R dad = alcoholic who killed hisself—s0 thi5 always maid U/i leary of Timothy Leary types, X-planes Y U/i wint down str8 edge road in hi 5hcool + college > az U/i summarized in R Confessions of An Everyday Wino post in 2012, U/i = able 2 drink responsibly 4 a deckaid ⊕ 2 but when U/i moved 2 Rome started Njoying wine more habitually (+ in retrOspect eXperienced R 1st Ménière's vertigO spell, 7 yrs b4 iT = diagnosed) > until 1 deckaid ago, drinking = eNjoyable, 5till is, but more + more R days B=come viscious psychle where th pleasure from drinking gets outweighed by negative side FX of bad 5leep + brain fog

> w/ all thi5 in mined U/i d-sided 2 try 5hrooms again 2 C iF iT cd help break thi5 drinking psychle > a-cording 2 Pollan's book (summarizing a lot of sighingtific re5earch on th 5ubject), «high dosage» mu5hroom use = necessary 4 therapeautic benefits of breaking th addiction/D-pression cycle (under th guidance of trained professional, but U/i've nvr had need 4 trained psychOthe rapists) > a'cording 2 th chocolate bar U/i bot (Cap Up), 1–3 yields «Chesire cat grin», 4–9 will send U «down th rabbit hole» + take 10–15 iF U want 2 «visit wonderland» > after R THC OD eXperience (in part b/c of dosage confusion/descrepancy) U/i couldn't muster courage 2 visit wonderL& w/ hi dosage az Pollan/sighence recommends (2 in-deus a semi-psychotic break w/ R egO) but U/i did gO «down th rabbit hole» > thi5 = a month ⊕ 2 ago + U/i uncharacteristically din't document iT eXcept 2 jot down a few things by h& in a notebook + what U/i told 2 R bedder-½ (who acted az R «flight in5tructor» az Pollan calls iT), checking on U/i on occassion 2 make sure U/i = OK) > U/i din't document iT in part b/c U/i wanted 2 focus on th User eXperience + naught do iT az sumping dat in th back of R mind U/i = doing 2 document ⊕ Use in R writing (another tendonsea/obsession of yrs U/i need 2 break, thi5 need 2 obsessively chronicle) > thi5 = pitfall of Pollan's book ... he used himself az humun guinea pig witch = fine + dandy + objectively counters th «U don't know tell U try it» R-gument but U/i got th 5ense dat in th back of his mind he went thru thi5 (even went sO far az 2 smoke ⊕ 5nort th dried remains of sum mexican frog (Bufo Alvarius) 2 write his book, witch laces th eXperience w/ a sorta self-exploitive capitalistic drive ⊕ bragging rites 2 boost th streed cred of his name/br& (+ frankly, his personal Ncounters = pretty B9/less than illoomin8ing) ) > 5ure, there = 5orta Quantum mechanical n8ure 2 mu5hrooms where U need 2 inkloot th User in th eXperiment (az Copenhagen Interpret8ion teaches us), but 1's mindset going in2 th experiment FX th outcome, s0 1 can't B objective iF 1 does iT 2 Xploit th eXperience just 4 a book ⊕ blog > th abuse of 5uch drugs 4 «recre8ion» in th '60s ruined iT 4 th rest of us > there's nothing drugs cre8 dat ≠ already in R mined, they ≠ magic pills dat will give U vizions ⊕ 5hine a light on th yellow brick road > all they do = make U realize in a prOfound 5ense what U already knO > weave all red th nu age mumbo jumbo abt th holistic interconnectedness of everything in n8ure, but iT = 1 thing 2 read abt iT + another 2 «eXperience» iT 1st h&, 2 sea yr5elf az just 1 cog in thi5 massive interconnected MAtrix > all th typical cliches apply dat perhaps U/i've red about already ... yes, U/i cried @ how fucking beautiful iT all was, how petty day-2-day drama = in reL8ion 2 thi5 living, breathing framework we all Ǝxist in, dat Ncompasses R B-ing + how U/i don't even ƎXist az «U/i»—but we R all just 1 tran5itory st8 all 5haring molecules/energy w/ thi5 larger lattice dat inkloots every living life4m + B-yond 2 th Ntire planit iT5elf, Universe, etc ... all connected by invisible threads dat R day-2-day vision w/ open i's dozen't reveil > yes, U/i actualy SAW DNA ... + again, psilocybin dozen't cre8 these imgs out of thin air (or does it?), but recre8s them based on what U/i've red/scene > iT cre8s a blank sL8 on witch 2 project th inner workings of R CPUs > U sea otherwise invizible lines + iF U 5tair @ the5e lines (w/ closed i's) they unfold in2 untold nu D-mentions w/ in5ane geOmetrics dat valid8 R thinking on hexagonic atomization of th space-time continuum > normally U/i ain't so keen on th full colure spectrum of bright colors all @ once, but there's a reason why psychedelic art = th way iT is ... th colurs = B-yond vivid + vibrant, all 5enses = heightened ... 2 think 1 cd see sO much w/ i's closed! + alsO, th plasticity + clarity of everything = prOfound + in tents > U/i cd see th mu5ic U/i lis-10-ed 2, vibr8ing synesthesia ... U/i've always bin 5truck by how 5trange iT = dat humuns lis-10 2 mu5ic, but then iT REALLy 5truck U, how magical mu5ic = ... + dittO horses, U/i always thought they = beautyfull cre8ures but now th though of 'eM brot U/i 2 tears, e5pecially eNvisioning humun on horseback + how insanely special dat is dat we live in symbiosis w/ such a magnificent creature ⊕ th thought dat each + every 1 of us harbors ALL th DNA of every life4m dat came B4 us... U/i can say, «think about dat», now, writing thi5, but in dat moment U/i din't just think abt iT, U/i REALiZED iT > U/i B-came a 5orta in5ect cre8ure + R bedder-½ B-came an octopus, ⊕ az U/i said in post #1028 (in case th astute reader wondered abt thi5 cryptic refrence): «they trans4m in2 octo-π aLien folded in5ide out in2 vaulted isLamic arches, tinged w/ immedi8 retinal recency, rods + Silly cones, all inter-connected, cO-evolving from s&y swamp» >

> N-E-wayz, thi5 1st trip = 1 ⊕ 2 months ago ... U/i probly 4got sum D-tales, but ≠ s0 much abt what U/i saw/eXperienced az th permanent FX on R CPU > U/i got s0 di5tracted by th sheer beauty + inner-connectedness of everything dat U/i din't really a-dress th underlying reason U/i D–sided 2 gO down th rabbit hole + dat = 2 address issues w/ drinking ... th other thing U/i shd mention = dat taking 5hrooms made U/i realize U/i = D-pressed + wile 5hrooming U/i = super happy > but in thi5 pa5t month there = a few occassions where U/i halve had 1 2 many drinks + dint sleep well + wasted a few dayz/mornings in a brain fog, w/ muddled CPU, upset w/ R-self dat U/i keep doing thi5 2 R-self, dat U/i had dat eXtra drink knowing fool well U/i'd regret iT ... U/i nO bedder but do it N-E-way + iT bothers U/i don't halve more 5elf-CTRL > sO yesterday U/i D-sided 2 micrOdose (2 pieces) + really concentr8 on thi5 ... U/i actually tried 2 gO on a «bad trip», U/i put on an i-mask + lis-10-ed 2 The Cure's Pornograpy, an album U/i obssessed over az teen + dat sent U/i in2 severe D-pression from ages 15—25 > perhaps there = nothing 5pecial abt dat album + iT just hit U/i @ a vulnerable time, but nO other album = laced w/ sO much .... U/i don't want 2 say «meaning», but perhaps associ8ions, dat U/i projected R teenage psyche upon > even thO U/i din't really take enough 2 «trip», iF 1 closes i's + sets mind 2 iT 1 can trip w/o drugs... iT hadn't even bin 15 minutes (in theory naught 5posed 2 kick in 4 ½ an hour) b4 U/i saw colorful geOmetric 5hapes + colures + cd synesthesiacally «see» th mu5ic ... perhaps b/c now U/i = trained 2 C such things, ⊕ perhaps b/c U/i = just seeing what U/i want 2 sea ... perhaps U/i will get 2 point wear mu5hrooms ≠ necessary + U/i can just don an i-mask + lis-10 2 mu5ic + see 5uch «vizions» > U/i alsO realized rite off th bat dat th issue w/ addiction = plane 2 sea, rite there in broad daylite, iT manifests az monster dat lives in5ide U/i ... thi5 mon5ter lives in every 1, but sum ppl can keep iT on a leash, sum can't > th 5ecret = not D-nying ⊕ neg8ing th ƎXistence of thi5 monster but eggnowledging iT ƎXists + turning iT in2 benevolent B9 B-ing > can't halve lite w/o dark 4ces > U/i said U/i wint in2 thi5 eXpecting 2 halve a bad trip, but 1 can onely have a «bad trip» iF 1 fears halving bad trip ... U/i learned thi5 long ag0 when U/i Used 2 want 2 halve nitemares, probly round th same time U/i = obsessed w/ The Cure's Pornography + «enjoyed» B-ing D-pressd .... b4 thi5 D-pression turnd in2 real D-pression dat U/i then couldn't will away ... B-sides such dreams ≈ th Helium dream a few weaks agO, U/i don't have nitemares b/c U/i dont fear having them, make 5ense?) > sum dark imagery definitely got conjured up lis-10-ing 2 such a dark album + @ 1 point Robert Smith's voice sounded ≈ satan, but th darkness B-came almost comical + U/i realized th album ≠ az dark + goth az U/i imagined but actually quiet upbeat (by thi5 time on track 4, «Siamese Twins»—1 of most beautyfull songs ever writ-10 in R opinion), but yes, track 5—«The Figurehead»—most def = dark + U/i started thinking about R dad + how he couldn't CTRL thi5 monster + how much pain/fear he must of lived in dat he wd run a garden hose from his eXhaust pipe in2 his car + then sit in thi5 idling car in an eNclosed garage w8ing/hoping 2 die + dat he din't just impulsively do thi5 x1, but x2 (the 1st try he din't suckseed) + how much of his life = consumed by thi5 monster 2 th eXtent dat iT wd drive hymn 2 such an action + iF onely he'd bin administered LDS ⊕ mu5hrooms perhaps he mite 5till B alive 2day + R i-mask = wet w/ tears realizing U/i'd nvr bin really able 2 cry over his death but az far az underst&ing his death, there = nothing really 2 underst& ... he was just robbed of his ability 2 eXperience th beauty of life b/c of alcohol + underlying D-pression he suPressed

> U/i don't toetilly blame alcohol 4 R dad's death + dont plan 2 B-come a high + mighty T-totaler ... iT = his inability 2 tame th monster dat killed hymn, 2 live in co-ƎXistence w/ iT > az U/i di5coverd after 10 yrs of B-ing a str8 edge, B-ing able 2 halve 1 drink now + then = healthier than nvr drinking naught 1 drop > e5pecially B-ing az dat sun-downer ⊕ 1st beer after hard day's work = 1 of th gr8 pleasures of life ... Y D-ny 1-5elf? th 5ecret = B-ing able 2 halve just 1–2 drinks now + then + make them count, make 'eM 5pecial ... iF U drink everyday iT loses iT's luster > sO last nite U/i had 1 beer w/ R tacOs (after all, how can 1 eat tacOs ⊕ sushi w/o beer?) > th other thing = 2 drink az part of th culinary eXperience ≈ how Italians roll, glass of wine ⊕ 2 w/ dinner ... iT's popping another bot-L after dat gets U + makes U/i miss out on good sleep + triggers vertigo/vestibular migraines > but U/i R getting ahead of R-5elf ... U/i din't make iT thru Pornography b4 U/i felt compelled 2 go 4 walk out5ide (even th0 U/i had mild hallucin8ions w/ i-mask on, everything = totally normal once U/i opened R i's ...) > just micrOdosing makes U/i U-4-ic + happy ... dat's th other thing abt alcohol, dat's iT = D-pressant > sure, iT losens th cogs in social situ8ions + can act az sorta truth serum, but 4 th most part there = nO benefits 2 drinking eXcept perhaps 2 heighten culinary eXperience ⊕ 2 help unwind @ end of day > R eXperience w/ 5hrooms = nothing but full of happiness + love + U/i realized U/i actually = happy person but alcohol ma5ks thi5 > az U/i walked around out5ide ppl 5miled @ U/i + said high > U/i put on Radiohead's Kid A + walked around Rock Creek 4 ~10 miles > normally U/i avoid Rock Creek on weekends, but U/i din't mind ppl + U/i dint avoid i contact + noticed sum ppl = happy + said high 2 U/i + others looked 5ad + U/i felt compassion thinking there = a reason 4 their 5adness > O, another ob5erv8ion U/i want 2 make = dat @ 1 point w/ i's closed U/i got 5truck by how cool dragonflies R > w/ every hit of th high-hat irridescent dragonflies wd spin off + spiral in2 th otherwise invizible lattice uv witch U/i 5peak

> 5piders alsO rule, th webs they 5pin = sO insanely cool ≈ they bring 2 lite th invisible lines of thi5 a4mentioned matrix ... U/i realized thi5 b4 but iT 5truck U/i 2 th core dat U/i = part in5ect, part dragonfly, part spyder ... after all, sπders halve 8 legs ... essentially L& octo-π insex ... + octo-π! U/i realized th majesty of octo-π long b4 U/i 5hroomed (hence th name of R press) tho U/i din't realize R bedder-½ = pseud-O-cto-π thi5 whole time > U/i = convinced octo-π = alien cre8ures hear long b4 organic life-4ms (+ indeed sighingtinsts R now di5covering octo-π = hear long b4 dinOsaurs, 330 million yrs agO > 5peaking of dragons, U/i watched 1 episode of House of Dragon but think dat's all U/i can muster ... nothing uv th caliber of Game of Thrones > N-E wayz, dat's all U/i halve 2 say 4 now... perhaps next time U/i'll break on thru 2 th other 5ide + visit Alias in wonderL&

1032 <(current)> 1034 > Wiener's cybernetic &roids + decerebr8ed dead CAT tacOS de ses-OS
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