n0 comprehendo how Rolodex G-gnome reached capacity


2024/04/28> walked down 2 Chelsea 2 go 2 the Printed Matter Book Fair ... i refused 2 get advance tix out of principle (paying 2 shop 4 books?) + also b/c i can't st& those dam aps u have 2 get now 2 go to whatever event, whatever happened 2 just h&ing them a $5 dollar bill @ the door? but j has more patience so she jumped thru the hoops 2 get tix ... but even 5till, there was a huge Q 2 get in, even 4 those w/ tickts ... i asked 1 of the PM employees assined crowd ctrl (2 keep customers in the rite corrals az if we were going 2 a Taylor Swift concert) what was the point of buying advance tickets + they said they'd reached capacity + so i asked why theyd sell tickets Byond capacity + like a robot they kept smiling + repeating «we reached capacity» like Nigel saying «this amp goes to 11» so we 5tood in the line + watched B-fuddled people walking up + a5king the same questions i asked + getting the same answer + then Qing up until there was 100s of ppl in the Q + not moving + there was another Q 4 those w/o tickets, completely insane > we w8ed 10 or 15 minutes + just gave up b/c even if we did get in we'd have to squish in2 a crowded space all 2 fight 2 look @ books, D-feets the whole purpiss, isn't a book fair where u're sposed 2 casually 5troll around + look @ books + art + chat w/ the folks selling them? i mean, it's gr8 4 the book-art industry, i had no idea artist books were so popular, i just hope ppl are actually intrested in the books + not just there 2 B scene looking @ books or so they can take a selfie + post it on instaGram so their friends know they R intrested in books + art > but what's the point complaining? we got fed up w/ the hype-seeking crowds in the west villaj + continued 2 the east side witch is more our 5cene > 8 @ Che Li (yummy, e5pecially the uni + roe tea-soaked rice) then walked back up 2nd ave, 4ming a nice loop de Manhattan ... 14.2 miles on the day

05/01 > Mayday, mayday > a lot going on w/ my bedder-½, she got accepted in2 the natl academy of sighences so guess that means she's a legit sighingtist, no? big deal in the sighence whirled, like getting an oscar > hard 2 celebr8 tho w/ all that's going on @ Columbia, w/ what's going on in el moondough, feels like another 9/11 or covid-19, constant sirens, notices telling us 2 «shelter in place», etc. crazy times

05/02 > on in5tagram we're up to 2012, the Rome yrs ... cool 2 relive the history of the pre55, we can po5t a book cover a day but B-hind each book so much work + memories > just hope others appreci8 the books az much az i do, hard 2 tell, ppl click the «like» btn but 5till not a single $ale of a book mentioned so far on iG, tho ppl are submitting manu5cripts more than usual ... age old dilemma, how there's more writers wanting me to publish their books then there is readers reading them, just not a sustainable model > been feeling really down on things this past week, mayB B-ing on instagram is just a reminder of my failures + then on the flip5ide everything my bedder-½ touches turns 2 gold > i did get a nice email from sum 1 saying they liked Marsupial, which hasnt happened in years > that was the last book B-sides may-B Ark Codex that got reviewed, that actually sold more then a h&full of books > i've received zer0 feedback good or bad w/ the last books since 2013, so hard 2 tell but blah blah i'll quit my sniveling, i've gone on plenty about my failures (just look in the index under failure) ... maybe i shd just title the next book or album A History of Failure > if i can trace it all back 2 1 starting pt, th 1st incident where i shd of taken a hint (that i'd nvr make it az an artist), it'd B when i gave my dead brother a copy of 1 of my tapes i made back in the late '80s + then when i went to visit him + was looking through his cassettes i found my ca55ette w/ the holes plugged + recorded over w/ other music + a new J-card insert ... that was pretty much why i sold my 4-track + never maid music ever again until 30 yrs L8er deciding to make music az Sound Furies but it's always the same old story, the last 3 albums have a gr& total of zer0 «supporters» (i.e. # of ppl buying the album on bandcamp) + you cd say the same about my books if there was a way 2 count «supporters» the last 1 i really set myself up 4 failure by listing «sponsors», only 1 of whom is sum 1 i don't know, that bot the book unprompted, so why do i bother? even if i give books or music away all it amounts 2 in the end is it makes ppl uncomfortable that they have to say "that's good" ... nothing i've ever done has truly in5pired any 1 + this 5tink of failure that has dogged me my whole life has followed me in2 publishing (which i only started doing b/c no 1 else wd publish my work) + it's a shame b/c there's sum good books in the archive that i'm not doing justice + i guess that's why i joined instaGram thinking it wd make a difference but all it does is remind me how everything i touch turns 2 shit

05/04 > sorry 4 the D-pressing rant, who wants 2 here this 5hit? even this weigh i rite perhaps disguises the fact i truelie don't know how 2 right ... not that i agree 100% w/ Joe Sacksteder's Against Quirky Writing but i can underst& his POV, coming from an academic background it must be frustr8ing reading wanna-B poseurs that went to school (academic types) that then experiment 2 make up 4 their defishinseas or b/c they have nothing 2 write about, 4 the most part imit8ors, who wants 2 read that 5hit just like who wants these D-pressing rants about what a failure i am? i remember reading 1x how evry gr8 ab5tract painter could do good realism if they needed 2 (+ often did early in their careers) ... is the same true of writers? the other event that pretty much sums me up (that undoubtedly i've already mentioned b4 on 5cense) is how i got 3rd place 3 yrs in a row in the Oregon st8 spe||ing B ... sew mayB once i realized i'd nvr get 1st i digressed in2 this st8 of obfusc8ing K-OS + have bin 5tuck in this rut ever 5ince > not that i ever aspired 2 B N-E-thing, but guess i must of bin kinda good @ 5pelling + i was always good @ math tho i nvr aspired 2 B a mathematician or even study math (i just took a D-gree b/c sum how i'd accumuL8ed enough credits) > what i really suck @ is reading comprehension, i always 5cored low on those parts of the tests no madder how hard i tried + if u cant underst& what you're reading how can u right or wurse yet, B a publisher?

> 5peaking of reading comprehension, 2 books red this pa5t week:

> The Xicano Genome i red 2 familiarize myself w/ Steven Alvarez' oeuvre b4 Calamari publishes L proximo > Dennis James Sweeney sent me The Rolodex Happenings yrs ago, 4 Calamari consideration + i came close 2 publishing it but i 4get Y i couldn't, probly b/c i was living in Rome (tho Cal did publish sum excerpts in Sleepingfish (under the name Guy Sutter + also 4matted on rolodex index cards (which is how we wanted 2 do the entire book)) ... 5peaking of the Calamari timeline, the onely books/albums published from 2017—2020 were my one, in part b/c we moved back 2 Rome + then when we moved back st8side we were 5trapped by a mortgage + i couldn't a4d 2 B publishing new books + 2019 was also when i was diagnosed w/ menieres + just wasn't functional sorta like how i've bin this past week > wierd thing is that a week or 2 ago i was feeling gr8, 5leeping well, thinking i might even get my hearing back so i cd start working on yet another album that no 1 will ever listen 2 > but then all it takes is a low pressure front or 1 2 many boddles of wine + i'm back 2 square 1

> on iG we're up to 2013 but we 4got about the online Sleepingfish issues so we're back-pedaling 2 ketch up ... we already historically revisited the Sleepingfish issues here on 5cense in posts 1098 + 1099 > in L reel mundo maid 3 covers this past week but not ready 2 reveil more than that, mayB next post

> movies watched this past week or 2:

  • A Passage to India
  • Amadeus——apparently we were on a mid '80s blockbuster kick ... weird thing is whereas i remember nothing about A Passage to India except the caves @ the end, i remember Amadeus as if i saw it yesterday (not that i nessysarrily «liked» it)
  • started to watch the Under the Bridge series, tho don't know how much longer we'll continue
  • watched a few episodes of Conan O'Brien Must Go but he's just getting more + more annoying
  • also watched a few episodes of The Sympathizer but dont know if we're into it ... we're getting in2 this post-writer's strike lull where there just isn't much good that we're getting desperate
  • A Single Man——watched again for 2nd mayB 3rd time
  • Son of Sam——    "       "   
  • Dream Scenario——flawed but interesting + worthwhile
  • In a Lonely Place—old Bogart movie mayB we watched B4 cant remember
  • Assault on Precinct #13——John Carpenter zom-B movie w/ gang members instead of zom-Bs
  • Whiplash——rewatched for 3rd time
  • Bergman Island——boring + precious, didn't last more than 5 minutes (granted i've never been a fan of Bergman)
  • Woman in Gold——not sure how we missed this but good movie about art restitution + the namesake Klimt painting (we saw other paintings of Adele Bloch-Bauer (thru the hordes of tourists) @ the Belvedere gallery in Vienna in 2018, so guess they must of been ones that her niece Maria Altmann let them keep in their collection? it all seems so complic8ed + then when u google seems Oprah Winfrey owned it 4 a decade)


1147 <(current)> 1149 > floating in a most peculiar way 2 the 5ubsoil of NY-aCk
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