5cense Dwarves searching yellow pages for gulf coarse grave space at Kevin's hermitage (dream log 1999)


[25 Mar 2020> Ain't much else going on in our homebound state of self-isolated virtual ∃xistence so may as well get back to posting from our old journuls... these from our 1999 dream log. None of these sueños made their way into Poste Restante but we used quite a few in Textiloma epi 12, the 1s in which our brother appear even tho he died 2 yrs before, in a way propagating his continued ∃xistence. We never saw his body so ain't toetilly convinced he's dead (not to give away the ending of Textiloma).]

January 6, 1999 – Tucson
Zo and I were swimming at night at some place that was like Asilomar. It was shallow and we were petting these seals. I was talking with this guy that was a “seasonal fruit picker”. He traveled around working and living on farms. The seasonal fruit picker went to jump in the ocean but a wave receded as he dove and he smacked into the hard sand.
     The next day we were swimming and it was in this big crappy tank that seemed like it was the foundation of a building. There was all this rusty junk, stagnant water. We found this secret passage where we no longer were under water but were still in the bowels of some industrial building. Right away we got some e-mails from the hotel headquarters (it was one of the big Vegas Casinos. It asked us why we wanted to explore the polluted bowels of the building when we could go in the casino. But really they were accusing of us breaking and entering and we were under surveillance. They knew our names and address and everything, which we couldn’t figure out, it was like we rubbed against something and shed off some DNA, or they had some special sensors or something.

January 9, 1999 – Tucson
On my way to this corral to “work”. Walking up this muddy road, cows were trying to jump up the bank out of my way but they would slip down and slide into me. I was petting one and he liked it, he was like a pet. I got to the corral (big flat fenced in square) and it was a yoga class. They were showing videos of this style of yoga called “menorah yoga”. Little Jewish kids were doing these tai chi like movements with menorahs in their hands. We weren’t doing menorah yoga, but it was the closest thing that the teacher could find to what we were going to do. While we were stretching I whispered to Zo that the only thing that I didn’t like about yoga was that there was no goal. Daren (the instructor) overheard me and I felt like I was betraying him. We were waiting to be fed chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy. Some guy I didn’t know took the last drumstick so I didn’t want to eat chicken.
     I was in this huge square room (this empty square room thing seems to be a reoccurring phenomena) and there was these huge dollop drops the size of bowling balls collecting on the ceiling and then falling to the floor. Zo said it was getting warm and that it would start to flood. I looked in the other room and there was a few inches of water on the floor. I went to unplug everything, there was outlets on the floor almost at water level. I found a bullet and put it away in a little Guatemalan pouch. There was this guy on a huge step ladder outside that was just staring through our window.
     There was this woman dressed all in black leather that was leading a procession of little girls that were dressed in white like bridesmaids. She was the leader of some cult. Zo and I were watching it subjectively like it was a TV show (like an X-files episode). I predicted that the woman was going to sacrifice one of the little girls. She got all the girls to kneel in a circle and then announced that it was her birthday. She rolled in this huge ball of Jell-o and then crawled inside. The idea was that she was going to crawl inside and then eat her way out before she suffocated.
     I was playing golf by myself and was wondering what the record was, timewise for playing 18 holes of golf. Whether people tried to set time records for golf. I was wrapped in thought and didn’t realize I was walking the wrong way and was only carrying my driver. Some woman in a uniform stopped me, she was like golf course security. Evidently you had to have a set of clubs to play. I told her I left them down on the next hole. She said she didn’t have anything better to do so she accompanied me down to get them. There were these guys playing cricket on a fairway that wasn’t being used.

January 10, 1999 – Tucson
We drove up to Mendocino, but for some reason had to drive up there, drop something off, drive back to Tucson and then return to Mendocino. We needed to drive back and Zo was talking to some girl. I got mad, saying that I had been doing a lot of driving and that we needed to get on the road so we weren’t driving in the middle of the night. Zo was acting like the conversation she was having was important, but she had just met this girl and they were making small talk. We left Mendocino and were driving up on this ridge that was like where Hearst castle was. Nandi [our Isuzu Trooper] was giving off clouds of black smoke and threatening to die. There was some other huge castle complex and there were tons of British people having this ceremony. You could see down in the valley below and there were thousands of soldiers in perfect formation covering the valley floor.
     We continued on to Yosemite, we stopped at Half Dome. We came to this really scenic spot looking over this cliff. I wanted to wait for Zo to get a picture of her there. I realized I was wearing flip-flops and we were embarking on a 10-mile hike. Zo came along in these clog-sandals. I warned her to be careful but she scampered down to the cliff edge she was so excited to see it. She lost her balance and fell. I couldn’t believe that this could happen. I ran to the edge and looked over and she was down on this ledge about 20 feet down. She was wearing a helmet and Gwynn was already down there helping there. I yelled to some guy with a cell phone to call the paramedics. I yelled down to Zo to ask her if she was okay. She said, “no, I’m not doing too hot.” I was trying to convince others that had gathered that I could run back to the car and get my ropes and climbing gear before the paramedics arrived. But they said no, that she had to be mobilize correctly. We waited in this room. Gwynn brought Zo into the room. She had some wounds that were already stitched up. I don’t know how Gwynn carried her.
     Something about an underwater world like Atlantis, there was some programmer there in a conosole with a view of the ocean. I was wondering if I could get a job there as a tech writer.
     And then (still in Northern California) there was this Earthquake/power outage. I was telling someone about my theory about how I though the planet was running out of energy. Then it happened again. It was like the power to the world was flickering and going out, reality became phase-shifted and distorted like when a T.V. is first switched on or off.

January 16, 1999 – Tucson
Everybody was taking a shower and using up all the hot water. I had just gone running and was sweaty and really wanted to take a hot shower. I went out into the streets with a towel (I was in Guadalajara). I came across this old empty annexed building that was ours. It wasn’t locked. I went in there and there was a shower. It was all hot water from natural hot springs. There was a pool of hot water. I was getting aroused thinking about taking a hot tub. I stripped down to my underwear. These two guys came in the door, like breaking into the “annex” was usual procedure for them. They were two computer geeks talking about computer stuff. Pink Floyd was playing in the background.
     I went to San Carlos on my bicycle. I was supposed to meet Zo there, she drove with Allison. I came to an intersection the coast where one bike path led to Rocky Point and the other one led to San Carlos. The waves were crashing up onto the rocks that the bike path was on. They were huge waves. I saw Allison and she was acting like a movie star. She said Zo was in the car. I asked if she was sick or something, why she was sitting in the car when she was at the beach. On the way to the parking lot I saw these other friends who were from San Diego. I asked who won the Superbowl (which was the night before). They said the 49ers did. Then I asked who won that other sporting event (the world series was also the night before) they said some other team (the Padres lost). I found Zo in the parking lot, sitting in a small Toyota reading her biochem book. She looked like a little girl. I snuck up on her, but she saw me.

January 18, 1999 – Tucson
Rollerblading in snow-slush.
     Found a sailboat that was stranded in huge waves.
     Machine shop environment on this ship, leaving box of junk behind while I went on vacation, keeping dirty clothes, books and a broken pair of flip-flops. Plugs to machine in machines when not using them, slanted.

January 23, 1999 – Tucson
I was playing golf, spending hours trying to tee up my first shot. I kept having to rearrange it, adjust the tee, and it didn’t feel right, and I didn’t want to blow my first shot. I would look up and then I wouldn’t have a clear shot, meanwhile people were piling up behind us. Then I had to take crap and was really anxious.

January 24, 1999 – Tucson
Running a race, a trail marathon. I was wearing a harness that was attached to this wire. It was awkward and my feet were coming off the ground so I could run. I was in the front, I was holding this one guy back, so I let him pass. I gave him the harness. I was trying to get my shoes on before the 2nd place guy came along.
     David lived in Ajijic in this cool looking house.
     Running up on these cliff edges with an aqueduct running along. This little colt was following me, I hopped on and rode it bareback. There was a ridge along it’s back, like a Rhodesian ridgeback horse. It was a really cool horse. When I got home (to the house in Ajijic) I wanted to show Zo the colt. I led the horse in and he wanted to go all the way into the kitchen. When Zo reached out her hands, it was nibbling at her the cute way horses do.

January 30, 1999 – Tucson
Me and Zo were staying at David’s house on the way to Napa. Leslie was out of town with the baby so only David was there. His house was huge inside. I was going to see if David could go with us to Napa since Leslie wasn’t there.
     Then these detectives were interrogating me in this huge museum like building that was empty. They asked me what I thought my mom would like on the walls. I knew it was a trick question. I answered—“whatever she wants.”
     Then I was in downtown NYC with Zo and we went into this bank that I remembered from when I did that job at the Four Seasons hotel. It was huge inside with big marble floors and wood paneling. We had to wait behind some bannister until the person in front was called, then I had to crawl through this slot to get in the waiting deck. I took out $100 and was a little unnerved that nothing was computerized and there was only a hand-written transaction that said something like $213 on it, but there were all these other impatient people behind me.

January 31, 1999 – Tucson
I was part of this drama going on in Eastern Europe. It was like a remake of Dr. Zhivago. I went off to have an affair. I return to Zo and her apartment is all burned out and some guy answered the door and I was all apologetic for just barging in.
     I was leading these captured terrorists through the streets and we got to this secret checkpoint. I gave them a chance to get through and they did, but when it was my turn this sliding metal garage door turned bullseye colors but wouldn’t open for me. This was after I was given freedom for these stamps I was given.
     I was fishing with these squid strands. I could see into the waves and could see these big jacks. I caught these fish and they were these weird creatures that were like dwarf armless girls. We were taking advantage of them because they were teasing us. There was also some dwarf with huge biceps who was dancing on his hands holding up some guy with normal looking legs.
     Went to some Polynesian island for a second time. Zo made reservations for the hotel but not the airplane. I was thinking we could just go to Tahiti or anywhere. I was hanging on to this rope as I was being pulled up this tunnel that was like an amusement ride. I was carrying SCUBA gear and was just wearing it on my back because that was the easiest way to carry it.

February 3, 1999 – Tucson
I was dropped off by myself on a skin-diving trip. They left me at some outcrop that wasn’t too far from shore, though it was remote. I bobbed up and down in the waves trying to get my fins on. I swam around this overturned boat. I collected shells and artifacts for Zo. I didn’t see any fish or marine life, just knick-knacks, and it wasn’t even like I was really underwater. There were some bicycles parked their (underwater) and I was thinking I could have ridden my bicycle there rather than pay to get dropped off by boat. This guy came along and was complaining about magnetic disturbances but I didn’t feel anything. I picked up a piece of iron to drop it and test his theory and noticed this spinning electromagnet. Sure enough the iron was deflected.
     I saw a bear in the distance. It was like he had been there all along, but there so many things in the foreground that I didn’t really take notice. I got a camera out to take a picture. I wanted to line him up with the other animals in the foreground. This started to scare the bear away. I noticed he was a grizzly bear. But he wasn’t scared away. He was just kind of meandering his way closer into me. I ducked into this glass house with glass doors and waited to get a picture. This girl came walking along and was about to run straight into the bear but ducked into the glass house at the last second. I took pictures through the glass, but the bear was too close to get in focus with a telephoto and I was having problems with the camera. The bear pushed on a door and I didn’t have the strength to keep the door shut. He came in and started mauling me. But it wasn’t scary or anything and it didn’t hurt. I got away and the bear attacked the girl. It grabbed her coat and she wouldn’t just slip out of it. I grabbed her and had a tug of war with the grizzly, the girl refused to give up her jacket. Finally the jacket ripped off and we ran into this hallway and yelled for help. Finally ducked into this room that was like a class with a few other people and tended to the wounds of the girl.

February 4, 1999 – Tucson
I was in the crowded apartment with Zo. I was going down on her. There were all sorts of people around, like her parents. Some guy came up and sniffed her butt like we were all dogs. Zo wanted me to penetrate here but I didn’t want to in a crowded room. We went to this Porno theatre that was showing an original Mickey Mouse cartoon. It was high quality, showed all these mechanical cogs in such detail that you could see the dust coming off of the wheels. There was a bar in the theatre, everybody was drinking. I was thinking that the purpose of the bar was that when people picked people up they could go into the theatre. I was trying to get Zo to come with me into a dark corner.

February 4, 1999 – Tucson
We went to visit this morgue in the middle of the night. It was like a museum, a huge open building. The bottom floor was all open caskets. We took this aerial tramway up to the ceiling. There were all these banners describing embalming techniques. One ad showed Molder and Scully from the X-files. We took a glass elevator back down to the main floor where all the bodies were. When we left building these little teenage black kids started harassing me. Zo kept walking. One of the kids finally jumped me and asked for my money. I pushed him away and ran to catch up with Zo. They came after me. I punched one of them unconscious. I ran over to grab a purse he had taken from Zo but there was no money in it. He was totally scrawny. The other came out me. He was also scrawny, absolutely no muscle tone. I didn’t have the heart to punch him out.

February 6, 1999 – Tucson
I was at 2063 Santa Cruz with Kevin. We showed up and nobody was there so we just made ourselves at home. I was busy collecting and organizing bits of papers and scraps, photographs, scribbles on napkins, etc. I went in the back to find Kevin and he was sitting out by the pole smoking a joint. I asked—“what the hell are you smoking?” and he said—“heroin” kind of sarcastically. He was really smoking mom’s pot. I went back to collecting scraps out by the garbage can. Uncle Don came up the drive and I went to warn Kevin. Uncle Don yelled at me and told me not to. He went in the house and yelled at Kevin and kicked us both out of the house. I was frantically trying to pack all my scraps—photographs of Kevin, bits of paper wadded in a Camel cigarettes pack—all into little baggies and pack it into the car. Eric and Arthur came up the drive and I said hi but it was kind of awkward because we had to leave. Uncle Don was giving Kevin a ride, I was driving separately in another car.

February 11, 1999 – Tucson
We were playing golf and it got cold. Drove back to a cabin in the woods that was way up on this snowy mountain. I went back to see Zo. Our house was big and there was a lot of open doors and windows and it was freezing and she was asleep. Turned on the heat and tried to find all the doors and windows to close them but it seemed like there was always another one.

February 11, 1999 – Tucson
Liz kissed me. It was like she was my girlfriend and it was ok. She smelled funny and it felt weird and I realized she wasn’t my girlfriend. I had to go to Berkeley with Liz to pick up some junk that I won – the main thing was a bureau. Mom said it was because of her, I was pissed. I rolled up four posters, said bye to Zo. I wanted to tell her but I couldn’t because I was afraid it would ruin her and Liz’s friendship. Got in the car but I couldn’t see over the steering wheel. Then the horn got stuck. I really didn’t want to go and was taking this as a sign. Tried to talk Liz out of it.

February 12, 1999 – Tucson
I was wrestling with some Chinese guy and beat him. I was the overall winner. I called Kevin Chaulky. He asked me the color code for yellow and green. Then he asked me if I thought he had pretty hair. He asked me if it was white. Kevin, Arthur and Mark all put their heads together to compare their hair.

February 15, 1999 – Tucson
I snorkeled out to some rocks with a pry bar that I had rented. I went up on these rocks and there were huge undulating waves on the other side, almost making me sick and instilling fear. I thought I was going to swim back to get Zo but I got a ride in an airplane. When I got back I thought I forgot my snorkeling gear, but ends up I only forgot my pry bar. There was a huge jetty that was begin exposed as the tide went out. It looked the exposed hull of a huge steam liners with all these exposed contraptions that were folding in and allowing cars to drive by on the beach.

February 17, 1999 – Tucson
I was hiding from these guys in a huge open warehouse. It got to the point where I was watching them and I knew the outcome. I was watching from down in the warehouse with them but I knew that I was up in a secret room in the upper attic with Zo. I’d been through all this before. I knew they would find this guy Daniel. I knew I would turn Daniel into a wolf. It all came true. He became a wolf and ran away. But I still knew they would find me. I thought it all had to do with a memory of “Daniel” being in a room with me and I knew he would deceive me. Then I was face to face with the boss. The drama digressed into this psychological dream about warden-prisoner relationships

February 20, 1999 – Tucson
I was dreaming a glossary of horticultural terms like it was a continuous stream. They were definitions but also protocols when taken as a whole. (There was more but I can’t read my scribblings).

February 23, 1999 – Tucson
I was at a voodoo ceremony/funeral. Not sure who it was that died, but there was a bunch of voodoo-witchy woman gathered around drinking oil from shot glasses to honor her. There was a choice of olive oil, sesame oil, canola, etc. I chose Sesame oil and drank it down because I was afraid of having voodoo cast on me if I didn’t. It tasted gross and I could feel it sloshing around and coagulating in my insides.

February 25, 1999 – Tucson
I was watching a big band concert in a volleyball arena. The rockabilly guitar player was rocking out like Elvis. There was lots of other stuff going on. I was supposed o fill in on standup bass, or actually it was more like a Mariachi bass, but you had to bring your own instrument. There were all these cops on horses who I thought were for security but then they started doing all these tricks, walking backwards into walls with the horses, etc. This guy jumped up on a cop’s horse and stole a pistol out of the saddlebags. A cop tried to shoot him and missed and shot the horse, the guy shot back and shot the cop and things escalated to absurd proportions from there. People were being shot left and right, corpses were piling up in symmetrical rows. Even was even more exaggerated than T.V. Then me and Victor (guy from work), noticed that natural gas was leaking. We snuck away, but by this time most everyone was dead anyway. It was a desolate harsh world like Mad Max. I was looking for Zo (who was originally supposed to be playing bass in the rockabilly big band). Me and Victor looked up in this old church tower that commanded a fantastic view. There were Mexican kids below playing with a ball, but we didn’t care that they saw us. I told Victor that I lived below the church tower, that was my room I had showed him in a previous dream. This was what it looked like from above. Everything was decaying and all the rusty wrought iron was exposed. We crashed on my place and slept on the linoleum floor with my head over a rusty heat duct.

February 28, 1999 – Tucson
I was walking through a park and saw Roger in this Lotus Super 7 buggy type thing. It was like a cheap replica of the one he got in Nice. I was with some other people that didn’t want to stop and talk to him for some reason, but I did. Asked him about the car and then we went into his house. It was very modest and a little messy. I asked him how many scripts he had written and he said fourteen and got them all out. I asked how Gretchen was and he said—“as a matter of fact, she’s in labor right now.” I had to ask whether it was the second or third as I had lost count.
     I called Jordan out of the Blue because I was reminded of her from a news story that said it was snowing in Lyon. When I called her it was like she worked for the same company I worked for. She was on the other end of a software installation. She was giving me advice about how next time we should match the quality of the software to the hardware we are installing on. She gave me names of places around here where I could get hardware. I tried to ask how she was doing but she just kept talking about computer stuff.

March 3, 1999 – Tucson
We caught these two elephants and had them in this trailer. I was unloading something and turned my back for just a second and when I looked back in there they were gone. I started panicking and looking for a rope or something to go catch them with. Then a pickup pulled up and one of the elephants was strapped in back of it. The other one was being led up into the back. At first I was thinking that this would save us a lot of trouble catching them, but then these Indian guys got out with all this computer software. The leader jumped on my bed and propped himself up on my pillows and asked me to guess how much I had to pay for them. I tried to make it clear that we just owned them minutes ago and they got away, so we weren’t really buying the elephants but paying for their service of catching them for us. I said that was worth two hundred dollars. He laughed, two hundred dollars? Try two million dollars. We were haggling about it and he said Americans like me were exploiting the elephants. I pointed my finger at him and said “you are the exploiter”. He was borrowing my computer and running some “safari” software that tracked down potential clients and also where there might be more elephants. I was wondering how he had found my address to begin with.
     I went into the backyard and there was a wolf and a hybrid wolf-coyote eating a dog and another wolf. I called to the wolf and he came up to me and let me pet him. His breath smelled like warm curdled blood that almost made me puke. I went to tell Jeff and Lucas about the wolves and asked them if they had ever seen one. We went to go look at them.

March 8, 1999 – Tucson
Went to Italy [in real life i'd never been yet]. I was driving around with “the girls”—Zo and her sisters and her mom. It was wonderful just driving around and looking at stuff. We went back on a gondola that went through the city. My head was numb with the sensation of just enjoying the scenery, even though it was nothing outwardly spectacular.
     Then we were driving out in the country and I noticed all these yellow golf balls, like thousands of them. We were off course and ended up on a driving range. These guys had to open these gates and we had to go through this muddy area to get back on the main road.
Then I was in this hotel room in Italy with Kevin and these other American idiot tourists. Kevin through a rag at them. Zo and I were trying to find a private place to make love.
     We were watching footage of these Italian running races. They were running through mountains. This one guy was ducking along a river bank. I thought he had to go to the bathroom but ended up he was hiding. This other guy came rummaging along the bank in the weeds to find him but couldn’t. When he passed the other guy poked his head up. He had covered himself in algae and was ½ in the water. Then it was my turn to do one of these “chasing races” where you had to catch the other guy. I had to give him a headstart like we were playing hide and go seek. Then I started running after him and I was dropping yellow golf balls. I was running along this trail and thought it would be more efficient if I flew. I lifted off and was flying. I soared really high, soon I was flying over the alps looking down over huge precipices and realizing I was too high to see this guy. But I didn’t care because the scenery was so beautiful. I realized I was dreaming and thought I might fall once I realized this. But then I thought it wouldn’t matter if I did fall because I was dreaming and was ½-expecting to fall but just hovered there in space.

March 10, 1999 – Tucson
I was 4-wheeling up this road in Nandi, catching air of bumps and spinning in mud. I got to this house where I was helped clean up woodchips out of this murky basement. I was saying what a shame, that the house had so much potential and then I realized it was the Blocks house. It was totally run down. I asked the Real Estate Agent what they were going to do with it and they said they were going to sell it or rent it out to porn video makers.
     I was in this office and Scott came in and he had just got elected mayor of whatever city we were in. This other woman was trying not to look to envious as she knew she had more experience. Scott didn’t have any experience at all, but he was taking it seriously. I was wondering if he would still play golf with me.
     Then I met Zo at the Spyglass Hill golf course right when she was at the hole that juts out on a spectacular peninsula over the water. It was beautiful. It was miniature almost like we were playing miniature golf. Zo hit some shot between her legs that hit the cup and bounced out.

March 12, 1999 – Tucson
Zo and I lived in some weird town that was kind of cool, kind of hip and collegy and more in the mountains. Cousin Kimi visited us while we were out for the day and left a note saying that she tidied up a little because it was a little too conservative for her. She had dismantled a bunch of our furniture and left splotches in the carpet. I was livid. I tried to call her, she left some “resume” like thing that was like a full-page ad with all sorts of information and numbers but nothing as simple as just her phone number. I called some number and got her machine saying they were eating. Zo and I went out on the porch and were looking at the mountains realizing there was a lot of snow and then looking around us and realizing that it had snowed but we hadn’t noticed until then. We met our neighbor, some hipster couple. The guy was some alternative Japanese keyboard player. Zo was encouraging him to play his record for us. It was on vinyl and was the same label as New Order. It was pretty good. Zo was trying to get us to collaborate. We were just hanging out on the street after getting kicked out of some shop for playing the music too loud. A cool-looking Karmann Ghia went by that was really a Toyota and was low to the ground like an old hearse. We went to some gadget shop reminiscent of something you would see on Polk ave. in San Francisco., Zo was saying it reminded her of some sex shop we were at in Savannah. She was telling the Japanese guy how I made a cat sound and freaked everybody in the place out and she was trying to get me to make the cat sound but I wouldn’t. I was having fun keeping them in suspense. We were just having fun in general walking around doing much of nothing.

March 15, 1999 – Tucson
I was living in some apartment. I went out after running to play pool. Heard a rumor that all my stuff was down the hall, went down there and got my shorts and knee pads. Couldn’t find the skating helmet. All these inbred Germanic guys were playing pool. Asked for pool cue, didn’t have it. Heard Rebecca talking. Then saw her. She had dark hair and was limping. Hurt her knee at a BBQ. I wondered if it was the 4th of July when I ran a marathon. Went home with all the skateboard pads and other booty.

March 16, 1999 – Tucson
With movie stars partying on the roof top. One of them turned into dog, chasing birds off roof and falls and dies. It was Robin Williams. I was crying (I was really somebody else). Running back for my camera as they asked me to take pictures. Taking pictures for everyone and doing a write-up made me realize how important everybody is.

March 21, 1999 – Tucson
I was analyzing this sit-down bicycle. When you came to a stop, you’d let the wheels out to the side and then you would be sitting on the ground. I parked it at some garage in Central Park, N.Y. I saw this guy with long straight platinum blonde hair that looked like an albino (Steve Winters?). When I went back to get my bike, I realized it was my office chair that you kneel on. I knew this was someone else’s so I went to return it. I grabbed what I assumed was my bike as it was the last one left. I didn’t want to be analyzing it as the people might think that it wasn’t mine. But when I got on it, it was really a wheelchair. And the handles were too high. But I realized that the quality and performance was much better than a regular bike. I was riding around Central Park in this wheel chair.

March 23, 1999 – Tucson
I was climbing with Shaheen. I wasn’t really climbing but was stepping into my harness and just enjoying the view. I was looking at the cracks and features of the rock and looking out over Tucson. There were people jumping off cliffs with ropes. Shaheen wanted to climb some 5.10 that I remember doing a long time ago.
     Then I was playing some dice game where you went around and round this board rolling the dice. Then you had to physically knock over this aluminum monolith with the dice.

March 25, 1999 – Tucson
I was in some shack in a war-torn city waiting for Zo to come home. She didn’t come home til late. We went up on the roof of some tenement building to see what the hype was about this war. There was a big flying box that looked like a UFO and was dropping bombs. Then we heard machine gun fire in the streets below. We had to get home but there was a curfew in effect. We ran into John and Yan and some other Chinese students. They had bandanas and machine guns and looked like militant guerillas. Their “cause” had to do with Iran-Contra. They were holding us hostage but then there was a power-struggle conflict amongst themselves and they all shot eachother. Zo and I ran for it. We saw a bunch of quarters on the ground and Zo started to pick them up but I told her not to – that I was a trick, they would use it as an excuse to shoot us as picking up quarters on the street was stealing. I stopped Zo just in time. This guy came out of hiding screaming at us but he couldn’t shoot us. There were other people in the streets. Evidently you could be in the streets if you were coming to or from work and had papers. Zo and I decided to turn ourselves in so we would be legit. We went into this rinky dink office. There were posters about bug and pest control and how to spay your pets. The lady asked me if I was eligible for parole. I was confused and didn’t know. I didn’t know when this all began.

March 26, 1999 – Tucson
This guy forced Mark and someone else to go for a walk. He threatened us with a pick-axe. He said if you don’t kill me I’ll kill you. He took a swing at me and missed. It was my turn and I popped him one. He came at me with a sledge-hammer. I grabbed the sledge-hammer and whacked him in the belly with it. Then I drove the pick axe into his neck. Was it murder or was it suicide? The man forced me to do it, that’s how we explained it to the cops. Zo blamed us for neglecting him. I wanted to tell her that he tried to kill me but I couldn’t tell her what really happened.

March 30, 1999 – Tucson
Zo and I were interviewed to get this big house. I had this Doberman pincer like dog that I wasn’t really sure it was a dog. Zo got mad at me for not cleaning up the hair after the dog. I wiped up the hair with paper towels. We met the landlord. He was this eccentric black guy that looked like Don King. The only furniture we had was a desk and he was trying to make us some deal with it. This other guy who was a priest was getting suckered. He was asking me why my eyes were watering.

March 31, 1999 – Tucson
I was at this shopping mall in Monaco. All these actors came in and were doing some show in this lounge. Keifer Sutherland was all weirded out. He was dressed up as a girl, he was completely naked and his body was painted. He had strange boobs and when he spread his legs, you could see this penis pinned between his buttcheeks. People were grossing out big time. I tried to get Zo’s attention but she was on the phone. She called me over and put me on the phone and then went to go watch the show. It was her sister, K. She said she had a favor of me, since “I knew about ½ the world. Well you know about France, anyway.”
     I said—“what ?” and she started talking about Marco Polo and asked me what I knew about Monte Carlo. I said—“that’s really weird, because Monte Carlo is in the state or country of Monaco, and we were in Monaco.” Then she said, she wasn’t asking about Monte Carlo but was asking about what I knew about Fernand Marcos.

March 31, 1999 – Tucson
I was in Mazatlan watching the waves and deciding when to go surfing. The waves suddenly switched directions completely. My arms were blistering with poison oak. I ended up not surfing because the water was really cold and I didn’t feel like it. I kept Zo company while she ran some store. I went to check on our camper that we had parked outside. I was picking up garbage when I heard this mandolin strumming. I looked on the other side of this cyclone fence was a dwarf on a tiny little Harley Davidson. When I say dwarf, this guy was small, like a foot tall, and his motorcycle was in proportion. The “mandolin” sound was this thing he had on his handlebars. He told me to come here, he said—“don’t be afraid of me. I’m a dentist.” He flashed me his teeth and they were oozing with blue foam. I forced myself to laugh and said I went to a dentist and he gave me a red toothbrush. He was laughing and when I didn’t look at him he kept making weird sounds to get my attention. When I looked he had this white propeller spinning around where his teeth were. When he saw my reaction he really busted out laughing. There were these three other guys with him and they started snooping around under the hood of my truck. The truck was spilling over with anti-freeze. The guys were totally getting in my way and taking the camper off it’s jacks. Then I was watching a weather report from Nogales that showed how the morning sun heated a cliff face and this caused a wind and this happened every morning in Nogales.

April 1, 1999 – Tucson
I was playing basketball in this tiny little courtyard in Mom’s house in Mexico. Teams were split according to size, it just so happened that every alternate size happened to be a sibling of mine, including sisters. The other team was introducing themselves and I laughed and said we didn’t need to introduce each other as we were all brothers and sisters, but then laughed again, on second thought, do we? I passed it to my sister (who was really Kevin) even though I was open for the shot and the feminine Kevin shot the ball and the ball bounce into this inner recess of the building. I climbed up this wall to get it, I was on some patio that was swaying like it was detached. I was trying to get on this old lady’s roof next door as I was thinking that’s where the ball might have ended up. I got out the design of all the houses in the area. There were these secret areas with circular structures that represented trees that acted as hidden columns (kind of like a Gaudi). This one house was like a circular coliseum that this really rich CEO bachelor lived in. His prized possessions were incased in the middle in a tomb-like contraption. Surround the it were cubicles with automatic weapons that would fire at anybody who attempted to go into the inner circle. He lived in just one of these little cubicles even though he had all this space. I was talking about this guy to Rob and Mike G (from work) asked Rob – “these guys could probably have anybody in their corporation whacked?”
     Rob said – “what, because they were doing a bad job?”
     And Mike G said – “yah something like that, or homus phobus reasons.”

April 4, 1999 – Tucson
I took a taxi across the border. Stopped at this taxi condo that was made of black paper. There I learned of Kevin’s death— he had come down from Portland to San Francisco with some of his friends. They were in an accident and his head was impaled on both sides. They were talking about how before he died he wanted everybody to feel secure in San Francisco and stay as long as they could.


[the above + below dreams (left column) as edited by a.I. for Textiloma (episode 12).
The bottomless bird-cage at right u might recognize from this post]

April 6, 1999 – Tucson
I had to undergo brain surgery. I was taking this sodium pentothal and it wouldn’t kick in and I was afraid that they would operate on me when I wasn’t unconscious. The doctor was discussing the procedure with an intern who was going to perform the operation on me. I kept trying to re-administer the sodium pentothal, squeezing it out of this bag, and re-inserting the needle into my vein. There was a big hole in my arm and my veins were collapsed from sticking the needle in there so much. The doctors had all these saws and drills and dirty rubber gloves and the table I was laying on had this table saw. They were going to cut my head open and they would have to cut all my hair off, but I didn’t really care.

April 18, 1999 – Tucson
I was in some place that was reminiscent of Chapultepec park in Mexico City. This guy with dreadlocks was playing frisbee and accidentally threw the frisbee into this pond that was in the fenced in compound. He was rocking this dock back and forth to lower it so he could get at the frisbee. Instantly, dozens of these Vietnamese mafia guys were upon him, pointing machine guns and screaming. I slowly walked away without making eye contact, but then one saw me and pointed his machine gun at me which was a large plastic thing that was almost comical. Eventually I made it back to this plane. I had the actor in some show where I was a pilot, and in the previous episode the copilot got shot. Now I was finding his body, our finding a trail of blood where they pulled him out of the cargo chute. Then I saw these three guys that were hanging from a tiny helicopter contraption. One guy was sitting in the seat, pedaling, while a rubber blade spun around. The other two guys were hanging from the chair and when they landed one had to contort his body forward to allow the “helicopter” contraption to land. I was thinking it was weird that they finally had the technology to have one-seater, mini, man-powered helicopter contraptions and they skipped the one or two-man concept to get straight to the 3-man helicopter.

April 25, 1999 – Tucson
Going up a chairlift to go skiing. It was like 5:00 p.m. and this was my first run of the day, not sure why I didn’t get a ½-day ticket. Guy on the chairlift was trying to sell me all sorts of stuff. When I got to the top, the exit area was all linoleum and it was really easy to slide over this edge. It was crowded and everybody was piling off into the same spot. The guy running the chairlift was Mark. I asked him if it was a nice change from computer programming. He was wearing shorts and was sunburnt. I said that he must be cold compared to Tucson weather.

April 26, 1999 – Tucson
I was hiking along this rounded ridge of dirt and scree that dropped to dramatic cliffs to either side. It was in Santa Cruz somewhere, I was with Scott and some woman that was a Santa Cruz native. There were beautiful cliffs with fantastic finger cracks, but nobody was climbing. I asked the woman why nobody climbed there, being that there were some many climbers in Santa Cruz. She didn’t know. I figured it was because up close the rock was no good. This other cliff had ten story apartments built into the side of the cliff. We hiked along until we came down to the beach. Scott and I were analyzing the waves for surfing potential. Scott was saying there was no place safe to surf.

May 2, 1999 – Tucson
I was a picador on one of those horses with the thick blanket that they use in bull fights where the picador on the horse “jousts” the bull. There was a bull fight going on but I was outside the ring in an empty lot. The bull kept trying to gore my horse even though there were other people around to attack. He ignored all the distractions of other people trying to get his attention away from me. Finally I just jumped off the horse and made a run for it. The bull chased me to these bleachers. I jumped under this picnic table. The bull couldn’t get at me, but he kept trying to get at me from all angles. I barely escaped but people wanted me to take a bull higher as I had a knack for it.

May 7, 1999 – Tucson
I was driving around with Jack Nicholson in some foreign country, up this road with abandoned busses of all types. We stopped at this house, we told me to wait in the car while he showed me this trick. He snuck into the house wheeling a shopping cart. He was trying to get the attention of their dog. Then the son came out and saw Jack and told everyone, ruining the surprise.

May 9, 1999 – Tucson
We were in this big house that gaga lived in out back, this complex maze of rooms that we didn’t even know existed. She was afraid of an intruder that she sensed. We went through all the rooms to verify that there was nobody but then I did find this punk pilfering computer parts from some computer on her back porch. I grabbed him and told gaga to call police. Then Daren Rhodes (yoga instructor) and his girlfriend came up to buy the computer parts off of the guy. I started yelling at Daren calling him a pusher and a pimp asking him how he would like if people sabotaged his computer. He started crying.
     Went back into the house. Gaga had a huge map of Arizona, except California was missing from next to it, Arizona was on the ocean. She pasted a pin up outline of California where it was supposed to be. Then she had a huge map of the whole world that covered a whole wall. She had airplanes pasted up where Japan was.

June 4, 1999 – Tucson
I was in a Hispanic neighborhood and a crowd followed me up into my room. I had a gun that was lying out on the counter with a bunch of bullets. I tried to hide it in the camper, but some people saw me. So I hid the gun again under a boxspring. The camper budged and started rolling. My cell mate, Victor had me look at a map. If I could mark every place in Nevada that I had been to then I would have the whole state grayed out.
     I was shopping around for grave space for me. I was looking in the yellow pages, and calling places, but it seems all the places that I called were selling diamond wedding rings. I thought that if people were buried upright (standing) then it would save a lot of real estate.

June 9, 1999 – Tucson
(I woke up in the morning and this is what I had written in the night . . . ) . . . Goes with see ___________ comments.
     Date, type, name.
     Why not light b4?
     I took Bob home through the thick fog. As we pulled up to my house I realized I still had to take him home. He just sat in the car while I went inside. I looked out the window and the sky was full of monarch butterflies. I went outside and Max was sitting in a car next to my car that Bob was sitting in. I reached into the car to get my binoculars and told Max about the butterflies. But there were only a few straggling butterflies. The binoculars I had turned into a gun.

June 11, 1999 – Tucson
Zo and I were going to a show. On our way we were warned by some hipster that the band was totally 70’s and out of style. We got there and there was a bunch of punks and skinheads. I was carrying a skateboard (I was skateboarding earlier in the dream). The show was in a room that was in a cheesy mall. The show hadn’t started so we went to get something to eat. Zo was getting a poundcake from some baker that was fat and had no shirt on. There was a bunch of skinheads next to us in line. A bunch of little kids were pointing plastic guns at us. I yelled at them and scared them away. Zo got the pound cake and then spilled all the powdered sugar that was on top all over the floor and the topless fat baker got all pissed off, waving a butcher knife at us. We went out into a park (like Ghirardelli Square park in San Francisco) to eat the pound cake. Zo turned into a lobster, but she was still talking like her same old self. I broke off a bit of poundcake and threw it to her. Then I felt bad that I treated her like this, expecting her to eat something off the floor. She was talking to me even though I couldn’t tell where her mouth was. She had 8 legs that seemed to be doing the talking. I broke off another piece of poundcake and this time handed it to her.

June 13, 1999 – Tucson
I was climbing with David. I down-climbed to rig up some strange contraption, I was hauling our haul bags or something. They gave way and tumbled down towards a part below us. I yelled “Four!” (instead of “Rock”) and yelled not loud enough and too late. It decked some woman in the back. Ended up the party was our Collins cousins. I went down to check up on the woman and apologize. They said she was alright. They had ropes set up on some jungle gym ropes course, these huge metal-bar contraptions. I went back up to climb with David. I went to put on my harness, but it had no leg loops.

June 17, 1999 – Tucson
We were on a plane to California and we had an unscheduled layover in Palm Springs or some town that was in the mountains. The plane lowered through a corridor of mountains. It was insane, I couldn’t believe we were risking this just for a landing. There was no flat ground, we were swerving around the corners of this canyon. When we finally landed we were met by a mob of angry protesters that were throwing stones. My first reaction was to throw stones back, but I refrained and yelled out to a few of them—“What are your beliefs?!” They stopped throwing rocks but started walking towards me like I had threatened them. I continued—“do you know the story of everybody on the plane? Huh? What if someone had a legitimate emergency?” It ended up they weren’t protesting for environmental reasons, but because of some labor laws about building in Denver. I was livid. I looked over and saw Arthur in the crowd. “I mean, what if it was your cousin or something”. I grabbed Arthur by the jaw. “This is my cousin!”
     He said –“hey whassup.” Then he told me not to leave before New Years. Then he turned into an Indian woman that I knew from before. I said in what religion or language was he referring to. Zo said that he (the Indian woman) said—“I have something to give you.” I was trying to figure out how I would arrange my plane ticket back to stay for New Years.

June 19, 1999 – Tucson
I was at Granini’s cabin trying to pack my gear. Mom was bugging me about the old black duffel bag that I got from Kevin. She was trying to say that I got from her. I yelled at her, saying that she always had to take credit for everything. I went into the main house in the back bedroom where Kevin was staying. The room was painted lime green all over and it was perfectly immaculate with absolute nothing in the room. I went there seeking peace from mom, and I got it. The others were in the living room looking at pictures and I could hear them talking about some picture of me where I shot a shark. Roger came back into Kevin’s room to ask me if this was true. I said that if there was a picture of me doing it, then it must be true.
     Then I was driving with Zo (she was driving), she drove past where Kevin’s grave was and I realized I had never even seen it. The graveyard was in a swampy recess with lots of lilies. We were thinking this wasn’t so bad, but then I asked Zo to imagine how hard it would be if we ran into Edward or Richard.

June 20, 1999 – Tucson
Zo and I were leading a bull by the reins somewhere in Mexico City. I was playing some instrument that could only make one note (like a giant bottle) and I was trying to play that song that they play at bullfights. We led the bull in front of the Mexican National Symphony. Zo asked them what “Corrida de Toros”. They told her it meant “president’s bull”. Once we passed by, I told Zo that was wrong, that it literally meant “running of the bulls”. As we were getting back to the car, the bull turned into a donkey. I looked back to tell Zo and two lamas ran by and they were doing front flips and it looked unnatural, and I realized I had never seen an animal in the wild do a flip. I asked Zo if she wanted to ride the donkey, but she said you could a disease from the close contact. I looked back at the donkey and he had gotten away. I noticed that he had a scorpion clinging to his back so I didn’t try to catch him.

June 26, 1999 – Tucson
There was this machine that pieced together logical sentences for you. I didn’t like it because it was creating my dream, putting words into my mouth, and there was no free-will involved. Zo and I and a few other people had rented this bungalow on the beach in an area that seemed like a cross between New Orleans and Sydney, Australia, on the beach. The bungalow was next to a bar and everybody was out and about, Zo was at the bar. I tried to go to the bar, but the road was blocked off because of some Mardi Gras-like festivities. I told the guy that I was living right next door and was annoyed that he was making me walk around. Just to spite him I walked down to the beach. There was a parrot that was running around on the beach. Every time a wave would go out, he would run down to the holes and look for crabs coming out of the holes. I went to go pick him up and he flew into my hand. At first he cuddled and let me pet him, gently nibbling at my finger, but then he started gnawing and biting harder and harder. I walked by the open-air bar that Zo was in because I wanted to show off to everybody that I picked up this parrot and was trying to make him look like he was on my shoulder. I held him up on my shoulder and tried to act like he wasn’t biting me hard even though it was starting to hurt like hell. I ran back down to the water and tried dunking the parrot but he wouldn’t let go. Finally I flung him off and ran away. Then I was in a wheelchair race around the park in Sydney. One guy wasn’t in a wheelchair, though he was just pretending to be and I though this wasn’t fair. I got back to the bungalow and my wheelchair was an old 70’s car like an old Plymouth or something. There was something wrong with it so I was looking under the hood and noticed that everything was gone except the main core of the engine. The only one home at the bungalow was this girl that told me she had been working on my car and wanted to take it for a drive. I asked how we could drive it if there was no starter or clutch? She told me to take the steering wheel (even though there was no power steering), she had the car rigged so she could manually control the throttle and bypass everything else. I could barely turn the wheel. She told me hang on as she increased the throttle. We accelerated and it was difficult to turn. She was trying to prove to me that my car was better than I said it was. “See” –she said, “it’s got acceleration.”
     “I never said it didn’t have acceleration, I said it didn’t have speed. There’s a difference.” She was boosting the throttle to maniacal speeds. I was barely able to control and steer the car. Finally she stopped at her house. Then we went to her room. I realized that she was using this as an excuse to get me alone in her room. She looked kind of like Zo, and maybe was like a version of Zo that I hadn’t yet met. She asked me if I noticed anything different about her room. I commented that the bed was made (I had been here before). She said—“what else?”. I could tell the bed was a waterbed. I sat down on it and sloshed around. “It’s a waterbed” –I said.
     “Right” –she said. I felt awkward. She came over to kiss me. I knew I was dreaming and didn’t like the dream because I felt uncomfortable and didn’t know whether it was Zo or not, so I woke up.

July 20, 1999 – Tucson
We were driving around Mexico. We stopped at some roadside place like Uruapan or Colima. I was making a journal for Simon. I started out with a poster, and I found a copy of Tom Sawyer and pasted in all the pictures from Tom Sawyer. Everyone else fucked up, evidently I can’t remember. Mom was leaving, the rest were escorting just for ikurec meak I can ask. Tod David about the ChenTGS but he was hung up on the go Hawaii. [not sure what happened there towards the end of the post]

July 24, 1999 – Tucson
Went to go meet Kevin in Hollywood where he was working on a movie with Roger. When we got there they were mid-production and Zo and I had to work on another production we were involved with. The production we were working was a stage production, a sort of play. When the curtains closed, everybody started dancing around on stage behind the curtain. Everybody was changing clothes and getting undressed in front of eachother. It turned into a backstage party, I was just a wallflower watching, somewhat uncomfortable that I didn’t know anybody and I couldn’t find Kevin. I saw Morgan and asked him but he didn’t know where he was. I went into this café and saw Ron Jeremy, I said hi and he didn’t recognize me. Even after, I said “remember me, from Nice, Mr. Stitch, we we’re acting together in the same scene?”, it only barely rung a bell.
     He asked me what I was up to and I said I was living in Tucson now and he said “Tucson, where the hell is that?” I said it was like the second largest city in Arizona, and then he says—“where the hell is Arizona?” Zo came in I didn’t need to introduce her because she already knew who it was. I asked Ron Jeremy where Kevin was and he didn’t know. Some squeamish valley girls came in and one of them asked me to kill this bug for her. Finally we wandered around some more and saw Roger, Eric an Kimi, and who I presumed was Kevin. He was blonder and had his hair slicked back and he had a moustache . . . and he had boobs! The reason we were coming out to see him was that he told us he was pregnant, but I thought he meant his girlfriend was, but he himself was. They were all talking and saying bye to Roger. Roger and Morgan got into a car and attached this pod-like golf cart that Zo and I were in to the rear bumper, then he started backing up in reverse at maniacal speeds. When he reached the end of the road, he unhooked us and took off. The pod had a joystick controller thing with one button that made the thing take off at a high speed. It had one wheel and was hard to control. Finally I found the stop button. Even at such speeds it took us forever to get back to where we were. Kevin and the cousins were all hanging out behind this building. Eric and Arthur were little kids and they were practicing climbing barbed-wire fence. Didn’t really get a chance to Kevin, but he was in good spirits and looked good (even though he was pregnant and had boobs).


[the above July 24th dream (left column) as a.I. edited it for Textiloma.
Also note pic of us (as Nora + James) at Kevin's hermitage taken from this post]

July 27, 1999 – Tucson
I had an interview with the FBI in DC [a decade before we'd even been to D.C. let alone lived here]. Actually I was in a continuation of a group meeting about the FBI. The first meeting there was some guy ranting and raving about all sorts of FBI conspiracies, etc. In this next meeting I was singled out and an FBI agent told everybody to turn off their tape recorders and that he wanted to see me afterwards. I had been swimming when someone got me for the interview and put me on a plane. I was wearing a wet white t-shirt and tightie-whiteys. Finally everybody cleared out and the FBI Agent and I were alone. He was acting all intense like he was going to put through the wringer about the conspiracy theory comments that I didn't even make. Finally he spoke and he said-- "finish this sentence for me—'when driving on backroads in Guatemala, I _________'". I answered that I thought the saying goes that 'when driving on backroads in Guatemala, I STOP.' He asked me if I agreed with the sentence. I said not necessarily so, and then went on to explain that I would stop on backroads given the chance but that I also like to stop and explore big cities. He was quiet for a long time afterward, like he was thinking of another question to ask, but he never did. He was acting kind of tongue and cheeky like he wasn't taking me seriously. Maybe it was my tightie-whiteys, I don't know. We left the building and we were driving around these futuristic streets. Other people were driving around on these unstable stand-up motorized one-wheel scooters that they could barely handle. The FBI Agent dumped me off in some random back alley abandoned loading dock. I said—"you're just going to dump me here? You're not going to ask me any more questions?"
     "Unless you can give me a ride home" —he said. So I got back in his cart and we drove back to the headquarters. On the way I realized didn't really know where I was. I asked him and he said we were in D.C. "How far is it to Philly? (Where Zo and I were living at the time [in 1999 we hadn't been to Philly either]). It can't be more than 4 hours right?"
     "Actually it's like 12 hours." I was bummed out that I wouldn't get home for dinner. We got back to the HQ and this time we went through this secret back entrance. It looked like a mom and pop hotel front, but he did the secret knock and a guy in riot gear let us in. We were in this underground bunker with sandbags everywhere. The security guard had us put on these vests that had internal video cameras that filmed what was going on inside of you. When I left the building I would have to relinquish the video with as much used tape as the time I spent in the building. I was following the agent through all these narrow corridors, at times crawling on our hands and knees, and then up this steel girder staircase. There was some woman undressing in the open and I slowed down as she was getting to the part where she was taking off her black bra. When I looked in front of me I had lost the agent. I had gone up an extra flight of stairs, I retreated and saw the woman undressing. I found the agent in this library. He had my belongings and clothes that I had in a black duffel bag. Everyone in the place wasn't working but just standing around. They had a one-way mirror looking out in the streets and they were just watching the people in the streets that couldn't see them.

July 27, 1999 – Tucson
I was by some strange crystal structures by a lake. I was congratulating some woman on her pregnancy. I was playing “horseshoe fetch” with some kids. Then it was like I was in a made for TV drama where I was dating some blonde hysterical blonde woman who had a teenage that beat her. I was sneaking in to their house to see her, but was caught by the kid (this is all in the script). As I was leaving she ran up to me to kiss me goodnight, saying—“you don’t mind that I just threw up, do you?” She was hysterical. I was trying to kiss her and do a good job of it, but she was hysterical and squirming all over the place.
     I went into the bathroom and was supposed to do a little snuff and it was cocaine and I took a sniff that was bigger than I was supposed to.
     Then I was in Chapala with Zo and we were supposed to meet David et al (they were in a red Jeep) to drive back in 3 cars. I was telling the wave runner story to David, and said the guy was a San Carlos Indian (after an eavesdropping Mexican woman asked what he looked like).

August 3, 1999 – Tucson
Taking a picture of David popping a wheelie on a bicycle near the cliffs on “wall Street” near Moab, Utah. I was trying to get a wide angle where I could get the rocks and David on the bike. Zo went to stick his finger in a socket, I almost fell of a ladder.

August 4, 1999 – Tucson
Going to Mi Niditos, saying it would be cool to say you’ve been going here since you were a kid like Harold. Then Harold pulled up driving like a maniac. I say how I will be driving along and will see blues angels. Ask to geout --> clockwork orange. Pedestrians. Head-ins.

August 6, 1999 – Tucson
I was watching the Chivas (de Guadalajara) play on T.V. and then it was like I was there. I saw Patrick (the Swedish blonde guy from the American School) and he was playing for Chivas. He wasn’t as blonde and had a beard. I introduced myself. He kept apologizing. We talked about salary caps from Bethlehem. He didn’t ask about Kevin.

August 9, 1999 – Tucson
These kids were playing drums for “that thing you do”. Japanese paint plating. Look for marathon with stop-over on boat, butt ugly love, start, and then it was hidden. We split up, finished in 3:12 (after a speedy 1 min downhill)

August 11, 1999 – Tucson
Zo and I were on either side of a small prop plane, R was flying. Jumping kidney, starting hold per turn.
     In skyscraper befriended by mexican family selling trinkets. I asked if they were from Mexico and they say “no, U.S.” I asked where and they didn’t know. Wheeling stuff around for these five alarm fire works. Castillo—very festive. Little available.

August 16, 1999 – Tucson
Me and Zo were travelling in India. We were on our way to see some old friends. Ran into Roger and he was asking about Chris D [co-worker of ours who died of a heroin overdose]. I told him that he had died from just not taking care of himself. We found our friends house, it was a nice house from the outside there were tons of strung out hippies huddled around on dirt floors trying to keep warm around a fire in an oil drum. Everybody was wasted, they all looked like shit, dirty and unhealthy but were in good spirits. I had some weird bond with them even though I despised them. Their house had a great view of the ocean. It was like a castle. I went down these stairs to the ocean. The stairs went down these cliffs and soon it was really steep and almost impossible, even given my climbing experience. But other people had made it. I downclimbed through this one dangerous part. I got down to the shore and I was starting to remember why I had a bond with the commune hippie people. It was coming back to me. It was like I was watching a video of past events. We were all to do French Aristocrats living in a castle overlooking the ocean. We went down to the shore and swam in the water. It was a low budget video, the people swimming looked really fake, like dolls. Meanwhile I pirate ship was lurking off shore, waiting. We were swept out to sea by currents. You don’t see the rest of it, but assume that the pirates took us hostages. Next scene is the rescue boat, flood lights shining on the victims. I was watching this all on video. I knew there was something in between that wasn’t shown. All us hostages had a common experience as hostages, an awful experience that was unspoken. They were all screwed up because of it and couldn’t leave the house. No one else was watching this “movie” with me, and I told them all that I know it started out slow, but it got better. Zo was nowhere to be found. I paused the video and went and looked in our bedroom and she was asleep even though it was only 8 p.m.


[more of these dreams as they apeared in Textiloma, episode 12]

August 29, 1999 – Tucson
I was staying in a trailer and had to pee, so I peed through a screen window. I was riding my bike along the California coast, riding along tidepools. I came to a cliff, I was trying to climb it while I was carrying my bike but it was hard. This other guy came riding down the cliff, very slowly and in control. It was unbelievable. I had the guy spot me as I downclimbed. We almost switched watches. I went up through a gift shop treehouse to get up above (instead of riding). This snake was following the whole time, throughout the whole dream. He went off a cliff into the ocean. I was trying to beat the tide. I noticed the snake was suspended in free fall.

September 1, 1999 – Tucson
My mom sent me a new shirt. I tried it on. I went into the kitchen to take it off. We got sore over some deal so I wouldn't wear the shirt. Got into a Datsun Honeybee and went to a site.

September 11, 1999 – Tucson
I was in a standard cowboys & Indians movie. I wasn’t an Indian but it seems I was on their side. I had a herd of zebras and two lions on my side (I was a regular beast master). The lions were sneaking all stealthily through the long grass with their ears back.
     I started shooting cowboys and nobody was firing back. I had one of those guns where you had one shot but then you had to load the gun and hand pump it, so while I was preparing the next round I was all paranoid. I shot another cowboy and then they all turned to me (even the other Indians), and they said in unison “didn’t you hear his conscientious objector bell go off?”

September 11, 1999 – Tucson
I was at Granini's house and saw Aunt Mary's new little VW Rabbit like car. For some reason I wanted to repark it. I was backing up back and forth and just couldn't seem to get it right. Then Kevin pulled up in a pick-up truck with a trailer—the kind that gardeners have. We hugged and I said something like "Long time no see" but we couldn't figure out why it had been so long. Kevin was a lot balder, and his complexion was ruddy red, but he looked better, like he was off drugs, but the hard times still showed. We really didn't know what to say after that so I went to finish parking Aunt Mary's Rabbit. Finally Kevin had to help me and we pushed into place. He was planting these Bonsai looking plants where the lawn used to be. They were really cool looking and I wanted to take some for Bonsais. He went over to the bamboo grove and started swiping little sprouting bamboos and shoving them into the ground in the barren area. I helped him. There was one bamboo plant that grew up out of the ground and then straight back into the ground like an upside-down U. We went inside and saw everybody, Uncle Don, the twins, etc. I sat on Erics lap because he was too busy eating to get up and hug me. We were all just talking and I was eating M and Ms and then I noticed that Jordan was there. I looked at Kevin, and he gave me a thumbs down, like "she's not looking to hot." I couldn't figure out who had invited her. Jordan stooped over me to show us this horse-doll thing, she smelled nice and was clean and I couldn't figure out why Kevin thought she was looking so good. She was demonstrating how the horse kicks and does all these other things. The horse turned into the classic coyote with bandana doll, and I was trying to tell people that was a symbol for Arizona.

September 12, 1999 – Tucson
I was writing the RLS Student Handbook. To research the project, I went back to the school. As I approached, there was all sorts of kids on the other side of the street throwing eggs, tomatoes, or whatever at passing cars. They would miss the cars and hit me. There were more and more kids, hundreds of them on each side of the road, throwing crap back and forth. They were all hipped out, I couldn't believe that this was my audience, the people that would read my student handbook. While this was all going on, i was trying to organize the content of the handbook, thinking that I would have to leave certain things out, like the cafeteria on the map. This guy got in my way so I told him to fuck off, when he stood up straight he was way taller and way bigger than I was, but then I realized it was Tim P and started laughing.

September 14, 1999 – Tucson
I bought this secluded cabin near Santa Cruz that was in the woods and also near the beach. I bought it knowing the price or having even seen it. Zo and I went over to see it. I couldd’t get over the fact that I had bought it, that it was mine. It had marble floors and stone wall interiors, it was pretty cool. Zo and I went outside, pissed off that we had got this secluded house for us and my annoying family was already taking it over. As we were standing there we felt an earthquake, I could see another wake in the earth coming, I told Zo to feel it. It was like we were surfing on the ground. I was just happy that Zo got to experience an earthquake.

September 17, 1999 – Tucson
I was driving down Campbell, there was a car coming at me swerving into my lane, so I pulled way over. In the rear view mirror I saw him go over the center divider again and broadside another car. I was trying to do a U-turn so I could report the circumstances and act as a witness but the road was all blocked off. Then we wrote: “700 semon, kids, wants patch cut off. He wasn’t dying. Because I want to document cheese”.

September 20, 1999 – Tucson
I got a job on a river-bound cargo ship that was going up some river north to Michigan. It was a small steam-driven boat and it was just me and this captain. I was under-prepared and didn't have clothes for cold weather. It got colder as we went north and the next day the river was iced over. I switched boats over to a research vessel. The captain was some loud guy who insisted he met me in Chile back in 1979. We went back south and the weather turned good. The river was chocked full of boats so you could barely even see the water. We were paddling by hand and bumping off all the other boats.

September 22, 1999 – Tucson
It was a long dream that almost like I was watching a movie. Almost every scene was a train on a bridge over water. The train was dripping water, almost like it was sweating, and you could hear the drops splashing into the water below. This lady was arguing with the conductor and then dived off the bridge. I jumped off a rock and went swimming. The water was murky from recent floods. I was also fishing with a throw net in these underground railway canals. I could see the fishes and had to aim the net between beams. I threw it into a whole school of fish, but only caught one. This other group of professional fishermen was catching a lot more.

September 25, 1999 – Tucson
In the first scene, the beast killed a single mother and her children. This was the legend behind the scenes. In the sequel, the children heard the beast coming, or they just psychically knew he was coming. They turned into stuffed animals and dolls and hid in their closet with their other stuffed animals and dolls. I went down the hall to warn the mother. I felt the presence of the beast entering the building (we were in a third-story tenement building). I watched the mother sleep. She was like an Asian version of Zo. I jumped on her and started kissing her and fondling her, squeezing her boobs that were in a white lacey top. I warned her that the beast was coming. She wasn't scared and was enjoying what I was doing to her. The beast came in, looking just like the beast in Beauty and the Beast, all furry and decked out in leather accessories, looking pretty elegant and hip. When he saw me on top of the mother he was all frustrated and mad that I had beat him to it. He started jumping up and pounding on the ceiling and screaming. I knew the outcome was good, but knew the beast didn't. I pleaded with him, it turned into a tender intimate scene, both me and the beast crying. I grabbed him by his leather face mask to keep him from looking away. I told him that we (me and the mother) had fallen in love, that we wanted to be alone, that I was into it. I noted a correlation between fear and disease.

October 17, 1999 – Tucson
I came across this guy that was clearing a riverbed. He was raking the rocks so it was an even depth. I started raking and shoveling my area. I was being overseen by my dad. I was moving big boulders to fill in spots. But then the floodwaters came. I looked around for high ground. I knew all my work would be washed away. I climbed up this wet bank up onto this rock. The other guy wouldn’t. Finally I talked him into it, but the surge never came after all.

November 2, 1999 – Tucson
I wanted to jump out of a plane, so I went up with Rusty, Zo and a few other people in this military like aircraft. They opened up the door and at first I freaked out because of the pressure or lack of oxygen, but I was informed that we were only at 19,000 feet. I looked out the door and couldn’t imagine what it would feel like to jump out of a plane. Nobody else was interested. I asked for the parachute and Rusty handed me this backpack that had this folded up piece of canvas strapped to it (this was the chute). I didn’t seem to me like it would work. I asked Rusty who had packed it and he insisted that I not worry, that he did. I asked if there was a backup chute and he said no. I couldn’t believe it. I really wanted to jump, but thought it was crazy to trust my life to this parachute that Rusty J had packed. So I didn’t jump after all.

November 4, 1999 – Tucson
I was on a pitcher’s mound pitching to Scott and a bunch of other professional baseball players. I wasn’t sure whether to step off the top of the mound or the white rubber strip. It was muddy and the only place I could get a grip was on the white rubber thing. The ball was huge like a softball and hard to throw. It was hard to get enough momentum off my throwing leg. I threw a lousy pitch that hit the catcher in the head and made the count 3 and 1. I was under pressure to throw a strike. I threw a pitch that bounced before it hit the plate. The batter swung at it and missed. I was disappointed, but then realized it was a strike. I felt like I was really close to the plate and was going to get hit. So this elaborate contraption was set up that would enabled me to throw the ball through it, but not let the ball get hit back at me. The next pitch I threw was perfect and the guy nailed it and it flew way off into the distance. I was happy and then realized I wasn’t supposed to give them pitches like that.

November 5, 1999 – Tucson
I was in Guadalajara with Zo but I had to go off on my own to check out this hotel that we had a reservation at. The hotel was $150/night so we figured it was nice, but I was just making sure. It was a long trip through the city through a maze of blocky, sterile concrete structures. I went through this college where I was taking a class, through a series of other attached complexes. Into these elevators that only stopped at certain floors, and there were ½-floor increments. I was finally led to the room by a security guard. Two middle-eastern men were also looking at the room. The first thing I did was walk over and stand on the bed. There was a lamp on the bed that fell over and broke. The security guard fixed it. I went into the bathroom. It was very ordinary and nothing special. I walked straight out, telling the guard that it was okay, but wasn’t worth the price. All that way just to find that out. Went through more buildings, down an elevator where every floor was lit up and it was going up and down stopping at every floor. Finally it went down to the lobby, it became a sort of shuttle and began going horizontal instead of vertical. It let us off in this garage. I went out into the streets and was instantly immersed in poverty beyond what I had ever imagined. There was deformed people and rotting garbage everywhere. I tried to play it cool like I wasn’t lost. I threw a red rag to some taxi drivers that were washing their cabs. Eventually I came to some underground tunnels with busses running through them. There was one little shuttle bus blaring Bulgarian voices that was translated into Spanish. I flagged it down because I wanted to be on that bus, but was disappointed to find it wasn’t going where I wanted to go. I kept walking, I had some rag wrapped around my foot. Finally some lady told me where to go without me even asking her. Some man was actually giving me directions, for some reason he figured I wouldn’t understand, so he would talk in Spanish to her and then she would repeat it in Spanish to me, but he still didn’t make the connection that I would understand him directly. Finally I found Zo. We asked directions again to get to the airport. Some guy gave us these convoluted directions. We got on the freeway (it was the Mass Turnpike 95) and we were supposed to get off to catch a bus, and we were in a car and couldn’t understand why we didn’t just drive the whole way.

November 8, 1999 – Tucson
I went back to school to get my Ph.D in Physics. I moved into my own dorm room by myself. Zo had her own dorm room in the same building. I was deciding where to put all the furniture, unpacking boxes, etc. Across the street was a small fitness center (it was like some sort of small Ivy League town).

November 19, 1999 – Tucson
I was going to a X-mas party with some guy from work that was someone like Fred P, conservative and geeky. It was snowing and we were in a big Ford Explorer that some guy that looked like the Marlboro man was driving. It was snowing and we were slipping all over the roads. There was parties in almost every house, festive, well-lit parties, everybody having a good time. We pulled up to our party. All the lights were out and there were girls hanging out in sundresses in the cold. The guy I was with goes straight for the needles. He started sanding and filing needles, choosing one. I was realizing that this was kind of freaking me out that I really didn’t want to see this. Kevin was also there. I told them that I didn’t want to see this. The guy just turned to the side and put on gloves and then injected himself between the fingers, and was like “see, no big deal, I just stuck it between the fingers”. There was another junky who had scabs around his eyes. They were trying to act casual about it, like they weren’t addicted. We were trying to have a conversation. I felt terrible for exposing Kevin to this. He was saying things to the junkies like “when I was using I couldn’t even run from Los Gatos to San Jose.” The junkie responded by saying “yah, I almost got slammed yesterday”. Whatever that meant.

November 22, 1999 – Tucson
I was shopping with Kevin. He was trying on these pants that I had tried on before, that looked like woman’s jeans— featureless with no pocket, low-risers, and button up the front. They were big on him and they didn’t have a smaller size. He liked them so much that he was going to get them anyway. I couldn’t figure out why they were big on him but they fit just right on me, and was a little jealous that he was getting them, when they fit me better. He found a way to cinch them up so they would stay on, he was dancing and checking himself out in a full-length mirror. When he paid for them, he was asking the salesman about the prices of shirts, and there was some system where they could figure out the price by the date on the label. We were also shopping in a drugstore for cosmetic stuff . I had this feeling like I had all the time to look and all the money to buy anything so I was taking my time and kind of enjoying it.

November 23
I was walking along this canal in the 4-corners reservation. Waves breaking in the ocean would reach all the way to the canals. I had a surfboard and actually caught one of the waves and rode it in the canal.

November 26, 1999 – Tucson
I was in Mexico/Las Vegas with a whole bunch of kids. This evil person came along and started turning the kids into these zombies with glowing eyes. Rather than run away I decided to confront him, so showed him that I was also a witch by flying. He came flying after me, I wanted to let him catch up, but I had to flap my arms at a certain pace just to keep afloat. Soon I looked back and I had lost him, but it was glorious flying over the rooftops of Mexico/Vegas. I found the highest building, a condominium with tiled roofs and stopped to let the evil guy catch up but he was nowhere to be found. I ran and jumped off the tiled roof and at first I doubted whether I could fly and was falling at a great speed but then at the last second I lifted up and swooped down over the rooftops below. It was glorious.

December 8, 1999 – Tucson
Kevin had this appendage hanging between his legs that at first I thought was a tail, but it had a foot on the end of it, so it was kind of like a third leg, even though it was only about ½ the size of his other legs.

December 14, 1999 – Tucson
This Piano was etched through with acid because I was in the “Etch-a-Sketch” café, and the piano was under the floorboards and ketchup had leaked onto it. I was excited to be in Tucson over x-mas because you could see lots of punkers over the holidays.

December 22, 1999 – Tucson
I saw a bunch of tornadoes right outside of Tucson. I went to investigate. The sky was a turbulent cauldron. I was surprised at seeing tornadoes in Tucson. When I went to watch the news that night there was no mention of it.
     I was downloading some software, there was a funky graphic of a duct-taped jar of spam that displayed while the software was downloading. Then a sign displayed that said “Suck –Mike”. For some reason I thought this was hilarious and was doubled over in laughter.
     I was playing all the songs on Dark Side of the Moon with three other guys and we were all playing acoustic guitars.

December 30, 1999 – Tucson
I was taking a philosophy of space-time class, mom was the teacher. I never went to class, but I went to take the midterm. It was an easy exam with 4 easy questions. But I couldn’t find a paper or pen or even a desk to sit in. I drew in crayon on some clothed doll that I needed to submerse in water and the answers disappeared. I asked for paper to re-write and mom gave me this long complicated scroll thing that I had to unravel just to find a blank space to write on. I looked at my watch and 45 minutes had expired and I only had 5 minutes left and I hadn’t even started writing my answers. I started yelling at mom in front of the class, saying it wasn’t fair, that I knew these answers but just wasn’t given enough time or the materials to fill out the test. She defended what she did. I rushed off to a job I had in a hotel in San Francisco.

[... 2000–2001 dream log]

720 <(current)> 722> Caged from contagion to Arkansas + Iowa, keeping our distance to keep from going 6 ft. under
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